There were SOOO many things wrong with this show that it's probaly gonna take more than one post to completely tackle this but i'll try. First of all, I'm very annoyed with the fact that Oprah and Terry didn't let Dr. Robin finish her point. In fact, she should have had a whole segment with them b/c it's very obvious Terry's crazy, angry, not taking responsibility for her role in the relationship, blame it all on Jonathan, im a victim ass needed a nice dose of reality pushed through her vains and Dr. Robin tried unsuccessfully (thanx to Oprah and Terry) to do this.
So the show started with Terry telling her side of the story and the first thing I couldnt help but notice was the nastiness in her tone and the contradictions in her story. When asked did she ever suspect that her husband was gay, she said "No Never! He wasnt the most masculine man ive ever date and he spent more time in the mirror than me which always annoyed me" hmmmm so really NO suspicions huh? Remember when the pictures of the two of them surfaced about 10 years ago? Did you suspect he was gay? I'm gonna go with YEA! In fact, EVERYBODY (straight & gay) in my social circle did but who are we to judge? Anyway I digress...She also said that she didnt expect their relationship was going to last forever. Which caused me to question why she was so upset/bitter/anger about the fact that it was over. It became painfully clear to me after she shared her side that the fact that he's gay (which i argue she knew when she married him) made her more angry than anything else. I believe the relationship was going to end anyway because she is old enough to be his mother and they weren't on the same level emotionally, financially etc and after Jonathan came out to tell his side my belief was confirmed.
Jonathan comes out to tell his side of the story and as I watched him try to get through a sentence without being cut off by psycho bitch Terry, it becomes obvious how controlling, crazy and psychotic she really is. Did you notice how he looked at her before he spoke and how each time he said something that might have made her look crazier than she is, she cut him off and attempted to guide his answer. I was also annoyed with the fact that Oprah was not objective in her delivery/questions/approach. She was clearly on Terry's side and refused to give Jonathan the benefit of a doubt. Anybody who knows anything about Jamaican culture and homosexuality would know that what Jonathan said about why he wasnt gay when he married her makes sense.
Yes I honestly believe that he didnt know he was gay when he married her. Why? Well the culture thing has to be taken into consideration in addition to the fact that he was 20 damn years old!! At 20, who knows what they are? Dont get me wrong there are some mature 20 year old's (like me) who might know a little bit more about who they are than others but we can't generalize and put everybody into the same category. Oprah made it a point to say "Ive had gay people on my show who say they knew since they were born, since they were 5, since they were 15." She had a hard time believing he didnt know and I have a serious problem with that b/c she assumes he should be like everybody else she's met and the reality is that he isnt. The combination of his background/culture's view of homosexuality and his love for her were enough to mask what was really going on underneath.
This is why Dr. Robin should have been able to talk because what she was trying to say was that both of them were swept up in this whirlwind fantasy romance which caused them both not to be in reality. I believe that after the dust settled, the honeymoon period was over and more importantly he grew up, things started looking different to him. He was in a country that said it's ok to be gay and he decided to act on his curiosity.
The biggest issue I had with this show is that Terry NEVER took responsibility for any damn thing. Yes she had the right to be angry, hurt and upset. She had the right to be upset that he cheated on her. But she has yet to examine what role she played in how this whole ordeal ended up. Starting with the fact that she had some suspicions he was gay from the beginning and chose not to address it with him at the beginning. Although I honestly believe she KNEW he was gay but she (like a lot of women) didnt want to accept it b/c he was laying the pipe right and tending to her needs in a way no other man had ever done. It's obvious Jonathan was wrong for cheating on her and wrong for the way this whole thing was handled but Terry was even more wrong for not only the way she handled this but the fact that she used his youth and innocence to satisfy her old grown ass needs. I also argue that if he would've have cheated with another woman, this situation would have looked a whole lot different. She looked liked a damn fool talking about she wasnt homophobic. Really Terry? We believe you...we really do..
Oh yeah let's talk about the whole money issue. One of the things Terry pointed out when she shared her side of the story was how she wrote "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" to show the double standard between men and woman. I'd like to apply that same standard to their marriage. Had it been the other way around "Jonathan had money and divorced Terry for cheating on him" Oprah or nobody else would be questioning why she would be asking for money from him. END OF STORY!
I found it soooo interesting that when Dr. Robin asked both of them what they learned about themselves from this, Terry dodged the question which to me is a CLEAR indication that she doesnt believe she did anything wrong and was victimized by Jonathan. He on the other hand offered a few pretty good lessons he learned. Terry needs help and for her sake, I hope she looks at the tape of this show and realizes how much of a bafoon she made of herself. I also hope that other women (especially black women) who saw this show were able to see the role they play in why this thing some people called "the downlow" exist. We have to learn that it takes 2 to tango and one shoe doesnt work without the other.
25 comments:
Thanks for this recap! I'm glad I missed it after all -- you echo my sentiments on the matter.
As I watched the show, I was just angry at how Oprah could be on Terry's side for jump. Regardless of what she thinks, or knows, or thinks she may have heard about them, she did not for one minute give him a chance to really talk, and shot down his every utterance.
And did you hear that voicemail they played, that Terry left Jonathan. I gagged......and to see her reaction that it was played on TV was even funnier. You could see she was upset at Jonathan for having shared that with the producers.
We're on the same page, lol lol After I calmed down, I wrote an epilogue to my post, lol but you on point.
do u really think that heterosexual ladies with men on the "down low" are to blame??
that is curious to me...because i have no...zero...zilch...gaydar.
ok lemme take that back...It takes a while though before i have my "aha" moment, as it were.
also considering that some men, according to u and johnathan, realize they r gay at different times in their life...what about couples that marry young?
i mean, what about women that just don't know what to look for? what about the fact that men in general are the pursuers...that alone may throw a woman to believe that this man is truly heterosexual.
not to mention, i've learned that every man that is "in touch" with his feminine side or is a little effeminate...doesn't have to be gay.
the whole down low thing sux to me. if you're gay...be gay. don't lie. that's my whole problem...don't jeopardize someone elses life by lying and cheating.
it's scary and sad. as for the Terry/Johnathan thing...i think if it had happened to me I'd be irrate too. Why? because my heart was broken and that's all it comes down to.
he shouldn't have cheated. he shoulda been honest sooner, apologized for hurting her and went on about his life.
Let's remove his sexuality for a moment. He's a young hot man, gives it to Terri good. She brings him back to the US on her dime (not his). Spoils him rotten, takes care of him.
Then he grows up - discovers maturity - then bites the hand that fed him for 10 years.
Hmmmm - warrants a bullet to the head, an ass kicking, or something. Terri is angry - no doubt but it's HOW HE WENT ABOUT IT that angered her. She even said it. How he did it was wrong. Even he said - he expected her to be upset but not go off as she did. What person wouldn't go off?!
What man/woman is calm when their partner tells them they've cheated? Remove Terri's money and fame and what do you have? An angry black woman.
He shoudn't get any money. Since when does one get paid to cheat/leave a marriage?
The whole situation was fugged up, but I agree that Oprah was really outta line with her impartiality to Terry. Terry really needs serious counseling for all that bitterness and hatred she's spewing. Honestly, I can understand that reaction in the first few months after finding out... *possibly*. At this point it's been a year now, the divorce is final, and she really needs to focus on healing her heart and moving forward. She seems to enjoy all the antics, but in reality all she's done is play herself and dim her future prospects for love, coz no man in his right mind is gonna get involved with a woman who acts like that when things go wrong. It happens to the best of us, it's life.
Okay, maybe Oprah was a little impartial. But how is any of this Terri's fault?? She should have known he was gay? How was she supposed to know if like he says...He didn't even know? Which I don't believe for one minute. He maybe didn't want to come out because of the climate in Jaimaca, but he knew...Just like we did. And why did he all of sudden know this three weeks before he became an American citizen? Things that make you go Hmmmm.
She knew he was gay! No doubt!
I don't know if she knew he was gay or not, but let's say she didn't know. She is a much better person than me because I could not have been in his general vicinity. There is nothing I would have to say to him. We would not be talking out our problems so that we can heal and move on. I'm not trying to hear that sh**t. I would have to find a way to heal on my own, because everytime I seen him it would definitely be a problem.
I do agree that her behavior indicated that she was still very hurt, and maybe she still does love him and she just does not know what to do with those "left over feelings" for him. I also do not think she really married him thinking that it would not be forever. That's why people get married, to be with their "soulmate" forever.
On the other hand if she knew he was gay or suspected it, but just tried to ignore it, then that is on her.
I feel so mad that I missed it but you did a great job at recapping. Great blog and photos.
Hint to the wise: Beware when traveling to foreign countries! There are many men and women who prey on your lack of self esteem and your apparent loneliness. These parasitic individuals will wine, dine, incline and sublime you to death in order to achieve their ultimate goal: a trip to the U. S., U. S. Citizenship and a better life for themselves and their families (yeah, plural). . . . and these characteristics appear in both sexes and in all races; so let's keep it real and stop berating the carribean brothers and sisters. Let's not forget the Russian, Asian, African ,Hispanic, Arab and other parisitic individuals one meets while on vacation.
What one should do is remember, this is a vacation: what happens here, stays here and there is a long distance between a fling, infatuation, courtship, relationship and marriage, surely more than a few months, maybe a year or two. Additionally, no job there means no job here; no money there means no money here. Employed there means employable here; financially stable there, means potentially stable here. Old habits are hard to break and new habits are hard to develop. So if you THINK you've fallen in love in five days, make a list of what your ideal mate should have and if the native you meet on vacation doesn't have it..... oh well, wait until he or she does until you bring that person home and make it a permanent situation.
I have always said the body does what the mind dictates, but the heart overrules the mind in most instances. By Ms. McMillan's own admission, this equation was off balance as her body lead her down a path I am sure such an intelligent woman would not have walked, had her mind been functioning adequately.
I don't believe that one must go searching for love; I believe love will find you. It goes back to that old adage: who God has joined together let no man put asunder; however, in most relationships and marriages we put ourselves together, God had no place in it...therefore, we divorce or dissolve relationships. The love we seek is seeking us, but we must be patient.
Ms. McMillan went on vacation looking for something hot... she got it, a HOT MESS! While she tries to villify Jonathan Plummer and portray herself as a victim, she must remember that the failure or success of a marriage or any relationship is the responsibility of two individuals. Neither of these two individuals were honest from the beginning, though I believe they GREW to love one another. Initially, both Jonathon and Terry were in it for the sex, let's be real. Then Terry no doubt had an ego boast by having a young man in her life and Jonathan was impressed with her wealth and did what was necessary to continue in this life style. They took advantage of each other and neither was honest. Terry should have said the sex is damn good, but you need to get a job, go to college and improve your mind to make this a permanent situation... now that you have me baby , you have to up your game! Jonathan should have said, now that you have me you must respect me as a man and stop trying to emasculate me and objectify me by only showing me attention when we have sex. I am not a sex toy! I am a human being and I should be able to make some decisions about my life.... I have ideas too you know!
I personally believe J. Plummer is a bi-sexual. Clearly, he performed adequately as a heterosexual, but he is curious about homosexuality and because his youth was dominated by an older woman he chooses to explore his sexuality.
Granted, he was dishonest, but so was Terry. She used and she was used. Call it a day and move on. They clearly have feelings for one another and I would venture to say one day they will probably reconcile. I would further venture to say they are still intimate BUT they are still dishonest with each other and with the public EVEN after the divorce. Each harbors shame: Terry for loving a man who is clearly a bi-sexual and Jonathan for wanting to explore other things and failing to have the courage to say so. It could all be a ruse just to end the marriage. Only time will tell, but both are responsible for the current situation , whatever that is. Clearly , only the two of them know.
As for Oprah, this show was all about promotion; she had McMillan on as a way of generating interes for the upcoming movie about the current novel and as a way to spike sales of the current novel, THE INTERRUPTION OF EVERYTHING. Purpose achieved, now can we move on....NEXT!
Once the feeling is gone, it's gone. Would the situation be more acceptable if he chose to be with another woman? I don't think she was mad so much at the fact that he wanted to be with a man, I think she was hurt by the fact that he no longer wanted HER. She felt used and betrayed. People have a right to love whomever they choose. If he decided that she was no longer the choice...he had the right to let her go, instead of living a lie and make both of them unhappy. What's the use of holding on to someone who longer feels the love that you feel for them.
I can see I wasn't the only one upset that Oprah had this rerun on. Is she even working? How is she maintaining her billionaire status with reruns? WE gotta talk to the network!
I saw this show the first time it aired but the thing that got me the most is that she seemed as though she still wanted to be with him. She is going on all these shows saying how wrong he was but it just seemed to me she was mad because everyone else knew something that she didn't. I actually think she was in denial about the whole situation. I also she think she needs to own up to her part in this situation. It took two people to make the mistake but because he is a man he is automatically wrong...why is that?
man, i saw that there was a rerun and i was like "what the hell?" you'd think she'd rerun something better than that, that's sad...
I believe they used one another. She used him for the dick, he received American citizenship and the chance to live lavishly. It seemed to be a lust thang, not necessarily a relationship built on love and respect for one another. While I don't think it was right for him to withhold his sexual identity from her (and cheat), she shouldn't have used an island boy to get her panties moist. She referred to him as a "puppy" to feed and love. What kinda ish is that?!? Terry was horny and desperate. It's that simple.
Can I tell you how right on time this post was? I didn’t get to read it the first time you posted it but I defiantly enjoyed it and would read it twice. A couple of friends and I were trying to explain to a co-worker a couple of days ago why the “down low man” exists. We tried and tried but she still didn’t get it. You did a fantastic job there, articulately giving your point of view on the subject. I’m gonna see if she can read this…
(By the way; our conversation started because of a post that I made and then a post that she made.)
I completely agree with you. She had to have known something…and being with him 10 years….she could have asked at least once while she was waiting for him to finish grooming himself.
(Hope to see you again sometime soon. If you remember, we met in “Maracas” a couple weeks ago before your trip to Europe. You keep complimenting my girlfriend on her breasts.)
Peace!!
I just wrote this LONG post for this topic and it did not go through! I am not doing it again. The jist of the post was personal responsibility. At what point does personal responsibility become a factor in this equation....I will blog it one day. After my last post, I am drained!
side note: look at u with the photo montage at the top, HOLLA!
terry is a mess.
You know what? I think she knew from the very beginning.
I just watched a documentary about men on the DL and Terry and JL King were the primary guests on the show. It was pretty interesting and amazing how widespread this is.
Have a great weekend!
i saw it come on and couldnt help but watch it again -- equally horrible
anonymous2 - You think these are parasitic individuals? Have you gone to a developing country and seen how the 'other side' lives? they are doing exactly what you would do in the same situation - trying to better their lives. It isn't about us citizenship, people living in desperate conditions will try to go anywhere they think they will have a better chance. The 'parasitic individuals' are the rich westerners that go to these places and exploit the money & power they command. The number of rich middle age & old westerners of *both* genders cavorting with teen 'locals' in the places I've been in Africa is totally disgusting.
Great recap. Oprah was definitely not objective. Don't leave out the fact that Oprah is doing the movie of the book. And better yet, she mentioned it during the last seconds of the show.
They both are just nasty....honestly that's how I feel. What did you expect from a 20 year old as a grown woman but what you got: PLAYED.
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