BEING BOBBY BROWN JR. (not Whitney's Ex)

Guess Who's Baaaack! (4 real this time :)

2010-07-01T07:00:00.007-04:00

I know I know I know, you've heard this from me before. I've said I was gonna start blogging again more than a few times & didn't. The reason why it didnt happen doesnt really matter at this point b/c it (the reason/excuse) wont change the fact that i didnt keep my word & more importantly yall (my loyal readers) already know how i feel about excuses so I apologize to those of you who expressed your disappointment & for everybody else..we're moving on. I need yall to bare with me as I slowly navigate my way back into this world. I promise to make the page look pretty and update the links, music etc as soon as possible.

I still cant believe my last post was over 2 years ago (1/15/08) Soooooo much has happened in the world and my life since then which is honestly at the core of why it took me so long to start blogging again. As much as I wanted to come back, I kept thinking 'my life is so different than it was when i blogged before so what will/can i blog about now?' I spent a considerable amount of time wrestling with that question & it wasnt until i was reminded why i started blogging in the first place that i got the answer.

At the advice of my mother (who has read my entire blog), I decided to read some of my old posts & jus as she predicted I got my blogging mojo back! Reading my very first post from 2005 def stirred up a lot of memories & put the comeback wheels in motion. I also gotta send a special shoutout to fellow blogger Adam Irby Benjamin who recently started blogging again served as the last bit of inspiration I needed to join him.

If you are new to my blog, I HIGHLY encourage you to read 'Bobby's Blog Disclaimer' on the side panel. You might also want to spend some time reading my archives or check out "The Best of BBJr" column on the sidebar b/c it will give you a pretty good idea of who I am & some of the many things I blog about. For all of my regular readers (many of whom are actually good friends) I gotta a lot of catching up to do so stay tuned.

WHO I AM (via BRANDY)

2008-01-15T00:42:00.000-05:00

Thank you

For all the tears

All the tears all the stress

Your the best I feel blessed

Im a better woman now

Look how I smile

All you did was help the next man

This experience made Me who I am

I tried to make me love ya i tried to make me stay

But every time i tried Myself and i got in the way

Just for the sake of my daughter I tried to stick to the plan

But i had to get rid of the weight

On my fourth finger, left hand

To every body listening

Sorry if your disappointed

See the life i chose was only what I thought i wanted

Nothings picture perfect

Looks can be deceiving

What i thought was love

Was something that i did not believe in

I always had the feelin

'That baby boy was cheatin'I kept tellin' myself

If you aint happy Bran just leave him

I wasn't raised to quit

Cause quiters never win

But what do you gain

If you feel incomplete within?

Sick of all the questions

All the whats and whys

"What happened?"

"Why'd ya'll break up?"

"Why we never see you cry?"

But do you know how it feels

To hurt behind closed doors

When you go outisde

You wonder why your smiling for

Now that its over i can live

Now all you had belongs to him

My heart is open like a book

And everything he eats, i cook

What i am to him, he is to me

We are each others everything

But if i would have stayed with you

I wouldnt have it like i do

CAN'T TAKE NO MORE..

2006-09-09T20:23:00.000-04:00

I Think I Found My Blogging Mojo Again....

2006-09-06T10:07:00.000-04:00

Well sort of....Let's just say I'm slowly making my way back to blogland. I miss it a lot although based on the fact that a lot of people on my blogroll have been MIA for a while, I dont feel so bad. Anyway I definitely gotta give a BIG shoutout and Congrats to my adopted teenage son and fellow blogger MARZ for winning the Best Teen Blog Black Weblog Award. If you havent checked out his page, you're missing a real treat. This boy is a brilliant, wise soul trapped in 17 year old body. He reminds me a lot of me when I was his age only he's much nicer than I was. Imagine that...Congrats again Marz! I'm sooooo proud of you! Keep up the good work..

This is me at work last Friday (i know before a long weekend) pretending like I'm actually doing some work. I LOVE my office...its very...Joan Clayton like (for the slow folks that chick from Girlfriends)

So I know a lot of yall probally thinking I'm a crazy ass Beyonce fanatic after yesterday's post. Believe it or not I'm really not one of those Stan-like crazy stalkers and as I said yesterday, there are plenty of things I dont necessarily like about her but I choose not to focus or highlight those things mainly because there are plenty of yall out there who take pleasure in sharing your disdain for all things Beyonce. We're all entitled to like who we like and please believe im not interested in trying to convince anybody to like her especially since I aint on her payroll and would get no benefit from doing so.

One thing I've noticed that has and continues to disturb me greatly is how so many people (especially black people) are rooting for her to fail. Whether you personally like her or not, you gotta be proud of the fact that she's a YOUNG BLACK WOMAN doing her thing, working her ass off and most of all achieving success that wasnt possible for those who came before us. She's aint trying to claim she a LEGEND right now in fact. she makes it a point to pay homage to the divas who paved the way for her. Yet instead of encouraging her to keep it up, I'm constantly reading and hearing things like..oh well 'this albums gonna flop'...'her time is almost up' etc...I think thats pretty damn sad..

And dont get it twisted, I play around with saying she's my baby's momma and all but that's me being silly. To be quite honest, my admiration for her has very little to do with what she offers on the surface. I'm inspired by her drive, work ethic and the fact that although she's been working at this for damn near 10 years..she remains humble and her overall character/personality has been CONSISTENT! Yea she only 25 and she got a long way to go but one of the things I love the most about her is the fact that she acknowledges that. Anyway, damn I did not mean for this to become another post about Beyonce but I just finished watching her WORK THE FUCK OUT in http://music.aol.com/network_live/concert_videos/beyonce/ondemand'>this concert she just did this week in japan so she was definitely on my mind again plus I really needed to get what I just said off my chest.I feel better now..

I guess I've said all that to say, I think overall we as a people need to do a better job of building each other up and wishing the best for each other whether we personally like each other or not. Yes I was a little hard on Janet in my critique but I also said (and sincerly meant) that I wish her the best. Ok that enough of that...I'm off my soapbox..

Oh yea and Trent, you can eat out of my ass after a good shit!!

BREAKING MY SILENCE ABOUT BEYONCE, B'DAY & THOSE NASTY VMA RUMORS

2006-09-05T05:21:00.000-04:00

"There's plenty of people who don't like me,

but there's ten times more who LOVE me and I love myself.

Sometimes, it gets tough, it gets tough but I can't give up, can't give up

Just take a deep breath, close my eyes, feel the LOVE and give a smile.'

-from a song written by Beyonce entitled Happy Face (DC3 Survivor Album) -

'Mariah may reign supreme when it comes to the 35-and-older legends, but as far as the new generation of ladies goes, there's no question — 24-year-old Beyonce Knowles is the Queen. She's risen to the top among the Ashantis and Monicas, and even the flaming-hot Ciara and Rihanna still can't hold a candle to her ... at least not yet. Beyonce seems to have the entire package: She can sing and dance with the best of them, she's become influential in the fashion world and she has a boyfriend whose influence and talent are only surpassed by his $320 million-plus bank account."

-excerpt from the recent MTV Special 'All Eyes On Beyonce'-

"I went into the writing process saying to the producers, I dont want to do Dangerously In Love. I didnt want to write sappy love songs, even though I'm happy now. I wanted to do different things, to be innovative and kick really hard beats"

from a recent interview with Danyel Smith, Editor in Chief of Vibe Magazine where she talked about her new album B-Day

"Oh, I absolutely care," she adds about her response to the public's scrutiny. "I'm a human being, I want people to like what I do, but I can't please everyone. I know that, and I've learned that. Ultimately, I have to be happy and proud of what I do"

-excerpt from the recent MTV Special 'All Eyes On Beyonce'-

'Beyonce plays up both her naughty and nice sides on the follow-up to her multiplatinum solo debut, "Dangerously in Love." While lead single "Deja Vu" was viewed by many as simply "Crazy in Love" part two, they've got another thing coming in terms of the album's other tracks. It's a rockier, edgier Beyonce belting out her I'm-my-own woman perspective on such intense tracks as "Ring the Alarm," the Tina Turner-esque funk/rock fest "Suga Mama" and the slick, wicked "Kitty Kat." Beyonce shifts into emotive mode on the ballad "Resentment," which calls to mind the subtle fervor and passion of the best girl groups of the '60s and '70s. Throughout, she romps with creative abandon, thankfully unafraid of stretching the boundaries lyrically and musically. And in the process, she tosses the age-old notion of a sophomore slump on its ear'

-B'DAY album review from Billboard/Reuters 9/3/06-

'Happy Birthday Beyonce! Thank you for taking a risk and trying something new! I have to admit that when I first heard the album sampler and saw the video for Deja Vu I was deeply concerned and somewhat worried about what you were doing. I like many of your loyal fans had different expections of what you should do with this album. However, I also know that as an artist, you have to do what works for you and I fully respect and appreciate that. I actually really like the new album. It's definitely different from DIL and I'm lovin the raw emotion and funky beats. Although I love the uptempo songs (especially Suga Mama, Get Me Bodied & Upgrade U), I was quite disappointed with the fact that you didnt include more ballads (especially since Resentment & Irreplaceable are my 2 favorite songs on the album). Other than that, the album is HOT! I'm looking forward to Dreamgirls!'

-A special message from Bobby Brown Jr.-

LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST...HERE IS MY RESPONSE TO THE RIDICULOUS ALLEGATIONS ABOUT BEYONCE'S VMA PERFORMANCE...

#1. Beyonce "stole" from Britney's 2003 American Music Awards performance - Read the full report from a few of the accusers by clicking Here, Here and Here.

Besides the fact that Beyonce has more talent in her pinky toe than Britney, I've watched both performances and THEY ARE NOT REMOTELY THE SAME besides the fact that they both come from the ceiling. Britney's wearing polyester, Beyonce's wearing one of Tina's old jackets. Britney's lip-singing while Beyonce is clearly singing live...I could go on and on but you can see for yourself and draw your own conclusions. I like to deal with FACTS....most of the people who create these stupid "allegations" deal in fantasyland. (especially with some of the shit they create) So here is a small FACT they forgot to mention....The VMA's come before the American Music Awards....let's take a trip back to 2003....

First there was this......

Beyonce's 2003 VMA Performance

LATER THAT SAME YEAR......

Britney's 2003 American Music Awards Performance

CASE CLOSED!!!

#2 Beyonce "stole" from Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation - Same Accusers as above plus this one that you need to read in order to understand the response (listed below) I posted in his comments section.

my reply:

(reaching in my bag for my small blade thats still bloody from a few incidents this week but nevertheless) now im a loyal reader to this blog...have been since the beginning...ive allowed you to send subtle jabs to my baby's mother (Bey) many of which were/have been quite warranted so i fell back and played my position b/c while yes im a TRUE and very serious fan of Beyonce in every sense of the word, im also a TRAINED music fanatic (who should probaly be workin in the industry behind the scenes with the amount of time engrossed in pop culture keepin my ear to the street but i have enough close friends and this blog to keep me in the know/fully satisfied). I happen to LOVE powerful and authentic vocalists (insert Jill, Erykah, Rashaan,Trina Broussard, Kiki Sheard and a very select few others) who can really SING (that means LIVE and on KEY with some CONSISTENCY -damn there goes Mariah..) It definitely helps if they can write not good, but GREAT lyrics and create HOT music that's DIFFERENT (in a good way). If you can put on a hot ass show that includes some funky ass dancing (especially in some heels)and sing the hell out of a BOMB ass track while still managing to look sexy enough to make the gayest man's dick hard enough for him reconsider his thoughts about that p-double s word and even perhaps make an exception...basically ANYTHING that doesnt sound like the BULLSHIT and BAFOONERY thats been dominating the airways over the past couple of years (ESPECIALLY since the beginning of this summer insert Cassie, Danity Kane, Paris Hilton and unfortunately now Monica..really Sideline Ho??) Now you have to admit (if you are honest with yourself) Beyonce has had the R&B game on LOCK for quite sometime...

VOCALS -CHECK,
BEAUTY - DOUBLE CHECK
RAW TALENT- CHECK ..
INTERNATIONAL APPEAL/SUCCESS..CHECK
ACTING - hmmm she needs about 12 more classes but at least she's tryin

If you disagree..I encourage you to review the FACTS and give me the name of another R&B chick who has either recorded and or performed damn near every genre of music (Jazz (reference Robert Deniro's Tribute Special),Opera (reference The Oscars),Gospel(reference The Fighting Temptations and R&B reference her almost 10year career of hits both for DC3 and herself) and done it WELL!! FIRST BLACK WOMAN TO WIN AN ASCAP SONGWRITING AWARD..(and you of all people know ASCAP dont fuck around..they aint givin our awards to just anybody..hell Aretha aint even got one) I wont even get into the whole Grammy accomplishment b/c we all know about that..for the record..good packaging can only take you so far..ask Ashanti if you dont believe me...RAW TALENT has to be at the foundation to hold that "packaging" together..otherwise well we have plenty of examples of what happens when theirs no talent underneath a good package..(insert well i wont even go there) .my point is this..In case you hadnt read (which I'm sure you have because you're a damn good writer who I admire for your thorough research and credible supporting evidence to your sometimes not so popular arguments)the media has been tryin to pit Beyonce and Janet against each other and both of them have publicly shut down the rumors, expressed their genuine admiration for each others work and wished each other success with their projects...YES MTV has been hating on Janet but quite honestly she brought that on herself..NO SHADE, as adults we have to be responsible for our actions and accept the consequences associated with them...

i actually really like Janet and think she should have OPENED the VMA's. The show definitely could have used one of her legendary hot ass performances especially since she got an album to promote..oh well maybe she'll hit up the BET Hip Hop Awards...ok that was foul be seriously I'd really like you (and the rest of the folks who've obviously had a healthy bowl of hateration this morning) to try (with an open mind of course) to CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY THAT PERHAPS BEYONCE WAS ACTUALLY HONORING/Paying Tribute to JANET AND EXPRESSING HER ADMIRATION (via dance) WHILE REMINDING US (including the clueless,racist,execs at MTV)WHAT WAS MISSING FROM THAT HORRIBLE SHOW..Briefly here are 2 reasons why I choose to believe this is the case..#1. Despite what you think about her,Beyonce is an INNOVATOR! She's waayy too talented and creative to imitate Janet's signature moves. The only time you've ever seen her doing "copy-cat" performances has been when she's honoring/paying tribute (insert Tina Turner).

#2. The folks at MTV thought they could completely remove any notion of Janet from the show..what better way to show them and us in a subtle yet powerful way that even though Janet wasnt there in person...her legacy and spirit lives on and her fans (including Beyonce support and love her). I'm just asking you to consider it and try not to be so quick to jump to the negative assumption that just might not be the case without at least offering a possible explanation and/or alternatives..last but certainly not least..I know how much you love Janet (probaly almost as much as I love Bey)..but Ive heard 5 of the singles off this new album and...well she might wanna start the negotiations for that Vegas show folks have been whispering about...after all Beyonce is 25 (plenty of time to make mistakes and redeem herself)..Janet is 40 (sorry I had to go there) This is IT for her. I cant seem to understand how Jermaine Dupri can produce hit after to hit for everybody else but poor Janet..u mean to tell me with all these "hot" rappers that are suppose to be ruling the airwaves the best she could cum up with was the one hit wonder rapper who looks like her coochie stank Khia for her lastest single that sounds like the same boring Janet we've been hearing since the Janet album...hmmm..I'll pass..I guess Lil' Kim or TI wasnt available..I wonder if Common or Ludacris were busy?? anyway..I wish her the best...btw I'm workin on a full review of B'day for my blog..make sure you stop by and let me know what u think..i think you'll be quite surprised with my HONEST and very RAW critique..btw That CREOLE foolishness you posted yesterday is pure BAFOONERY and I'm glad it didnt make the album...sounds very much like a Amerie reject song with nursery school lyrics..(see I love her but I love the truth even more)...sorry this is so long but Ive been holding on to it for a while..thanx for letting me release it..have a great weekend & btw I STILL LOVE YOUR BLOG..We are all entitled to our opinions but in the end thats all they are SIMPLE OPINIONS :)

His response.....

'After that post you left... these are clearly more than simple opinions. BBJr. I respect you and your opinion, but you disqualify yourself and your ability to be objective when you say stuff like Bey is your baby mama and such.
Come on Carol Ann... you know not to look into the light like that.'

Here's my final statement/reply/comment regarding this foolishness....

SOHH,

I know it was a lil lenghty so I'm guessing you missed the part where I said that while Im a fan and I joke about the baby momma stuff..im not blind to the FACTS...i just choose not to dwell on pointing out everything thats wrong or not right about her. I dont think it fair to shut me down/disqualify me/my position without acknowledging my points (like u do with everybody else) especially based off a joke..but its whatever...the FACTS are the FACTS...i'd like to hear Janet attempt to sing Speechless, Resentment or this...

besides damn the girl is 25 years old she a damn baby..all im sayin is give credit where credit is due and folks really need to let go of some of these unrealistic expections of these artists that majority of them will never meet. (especially a 25 year old who wont let go of her mommas horrible hand-me-downs) btw listen to Christina's performance again...you'll notice a few pitch problems..i have the album and um she was kinda struggling not her best performance by any means but in spite of I'm loving her right now. In fact, of all the chicks currently in the mix she's the ONLY one that could sing circles around Beyonce with ease on ANY day but the FACT is last night she was flat a few times and her overall performance was just aight in my opinion..and u really liked Justin Timberfake's performance?? yawn..glad i watch that yawnfest of a show via fast forward and while yall hating on bey, imagine that show without her performance..was it one of her best performances? probally not..again she's 25 and in the process of breaking free of her parents and firguring out who she is..if you over 25 u know that involves taking risks..give her a break and stop hating especially since nobody aint challenging her spot although she really might wanna keep an eye on Rihanna (who's slowly becoming my new favorite to WATCH..I'm lovin her album and overall style..) and 4 the record i did have some time on my hands...its friday im at work and i got some shit to say so you can like it or leave it the fuck alone...your choice either way im good...and out..holla

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS???

2006-08-09T11:49:00.000-04:00

IT'S MY ONE YEAR BLOG ANNIVERSARY!!!!
I didnt realize Clay and I started blogging on the same day...I guess great minds think alike :) Time really flies when you're having fun and I can honestly say it's been an EXCITING yet REWARDING experience! I know I've been neglecting you guys over the past couple of months but things have been really busy in my world and I'm happy to report busy in a VERY GOOD WAY! Within the next week or so I'll be back to blogging regularly and I cant wait because we have sooo much to catch up on. btw I still make it a point to read each page on my blogroll (and a few others) so even though I might not comment or post regularly I still know what's going on...:) I'm still tripping over the fact that its been a whole year since I started blogging.

I read my very first post this morning and it's quite refreshing to see how much I've grown in a year. I'd like to encourage you guys to check out some of my BEST OF posts which are posted along the side panel of the page. I'm really proud of what I've accomplished with this blog and I've shared a LOT of myself and my life via this page. Based on the many emails, comments and 20,000+ visitors, I'm quite satisfied with the assurance that I've made a difference and I plan to continue. I PROMISE!!!

Dont forget its not to late to nominate me for one of the Black Weblog Awards...Although this blog qualifies for several of the catagories, the one I'd really like to win is Best Personal Blog. However feel free to nominate me in whatever catagory you see fit and while you're at it make sure you nominate/support Clay, ShawnQT and anybody else on my blogroll. I thought I'd share my ballot with you guys in case you wanted to know who I voted for or you need some help making up your mind. Thanx for spending a year with me and finding out what its like BEING BOBBY BROWN JR. (NOT WHITNEYS HUSBAND)

Here are my nominations.....

BEST HUMOR BLOG - CHARLES X

BEST LBGT BLOG - TRENT JACKSON

BEST NEW BLOG - HOUSTONNY

BEST ORIGINAL CONTENT - THE DAY I PRE-CAME OUT by MARZ

BEST PERSONAL BLOG - I DIDNT VOTE IN THIS CATAGORY CUZ I WANT TO WIN IT SO VOTE FOR ME!!!!

BEST PODCAST - Witty Wendsday's with Bobby Brown & Trent Jackson

BEST POP CULTURE BLOG - CLAY CANE

BEST TEEN BLOG - MARZ

BEST WRITING IN A BLOG - CLAY CANE

BLOG OF THE YEAR - SHAWNQT (this one was a really hard choice. it was between Clay and Shawn but I went with Shawn since he's decided to retire his page)

BLOG TO WATCH - LUVIN ME

SO VOTE & AFTER YOU'RE DONE TELL A FRIEND TO VOTE.....:) (especially all of you silent readers)

An Honor Just To Be NOMINATED!!

2006-08-03T11:58:00.000-04:00

TODAY I'M SMILING...WHY?? B/C I've gotten at least 10 emails from BBBJr loyal readers informing me that they are nominating me for a 2006 Black Weblog Award. The two catagories are Best Original Content and Best Personal Blog......Would I like to WIN...OF COURSE...but quite honestly it really is an honor for me just to be nominated....soooooooooo please check out this website for more information on ALL of the catagories and if you think this blog falls into one....feel free to NOMINATE ME :) I've already cast my ballot...(you cant vote for yourself :(..but its all good) Try to stay warm people.

CAPTION THIS....

2006-08-02T09:51:00.000-04:00

DAMN IT'S HOT AS HELL!!!

It's Sunday and I'm Sharing Some Great Inspirational Music!

2006-06-25T14:58:00.000-04:00

I've decided to kick off this week by sharing a few inspirational songs from a diverse group of dynamic singers that have encouraged and empowered me to remain grateful (especially when things arent going as well as I'd like them to). I'm not offering my personal commentary on any of them because I want you listen and create your own experience (or not). I Hope you enjoy them as much as I have!! Dont forget to make it a great week!!

MY FOUR DAD'S: A Special 5 Part Series

2006-06-18T10:11:00.000-04:00

FIRST THINGS FIRST....HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE DAD'S IN BLOGLAND! Next, I need to warn you guys this post is pretty long so read it at your own risk. (but definitly read it in it's entirety. As the title of this post suggests, I've been tremendously blessed to have 4 dynamic men who play the role of father in my life. Initially I was going to do one big Father's Day Tribute post about all of them. I changed my mind when I realized how hard it would be to express the tremendous impact each one of them has had on my life. I honestly wouldnt be a quarter of the person I am if it wasnt for them. They each bring something very different to my life and I'm honored to celebrate them individually on my blog in a special 5 part series. Yea I know you're wondering why there are 5 parts if I only have 4 dads. I'm glad you asked...In the 5th and final post, I'll introduce you guys to my 4 SONS. Yes I have 4 damn SONS and YES I'm DONE!! I've had my tubes clipped twice and burned...lol..anyway I digress so before I get into the Part I, I put together a small tribute to my dads for father's day that I'd like to share with you. Consider it a preview of things to come so stay tuned!!!

HERO

I'll always look up to you, no matter what others do
You're my HERO
Here's a small shoulder to lean on, when you're feeling all alone
Here's my hand to hold.

I am praying for my HERO
I know it hurts when you fall and others seem to give up on you
I will pray for you HERO
I realize in real life that HEROES are going to make mistakes too.

They always expect the best from you, forgetting that you're human too
God's the only judge it's true, so hold your head up high
You're still a HERO in my eyes
Because of you my limit is the sky

My HERO
It's gotta hurt when you fall and others seem to give up on you
My HERO
I realize in real life that HEROES are going to make mistakes too

Keep your head up my HERO please don't let me down
I will pray for strength and encouragement to lift you up
To lift you up when you are torn down

My HERO,
I know it hurts when you fall and others they give up on you
My HERO
I realize in real life that HEROES make mistakes too
My HERO, here is some strength to carry on, here is some courage to stay strong
My HERO, I love you from my heart I love you

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

PART I of V ~ FORGIVENESS FOR FREEDOM: How I Learned To Love The Father I HATED For 22 Years Of My Life

Before 1999, if you would have asked me about the man who planted my seed into my mother and gave me his name, I probably would have immediately frowned and said 'I don’t have a father, he died after he came inside my mother.' Yea I know, that's how much I hated him. In fact, for as far back as I can remember, I never really liked him because I always felt like I never measured up to what I thought were his outrageous standards. I always felt like we were complete opposites who didn't have the bond I imagined fathers and sons should have. For example, he liked sports and I didn't, he never displayed emotions and I wore my emotions on my sleeve, he has ALWAYS been the most masculine man I know and has always DESPISED any hint of femininity in men, I've always struggled with a few slight feminine traits that have been with me for as long as I can remember. The first time ever I heard him say 'If any one of my son's ever turned out to be gay, I will break a broom across his back.' I was six years old. As the years passed, that phrase became one of his signature statements that plagued my life for more than 20 years.

As I've shared many times before, I was raised in a VERY strict religious household. I've always been different. For most of my childhood and teen years being different was a constant source of frustration and heartache to my already complicated life. I couldn't understand why I NEVER fit into the typical social circles, cliques, the popular crews etc regardless to how hard I tried. Although I'm sure attending one of Chicago's premier performing arts/college prep high schools with a bunch of trust fund babies while living in the ghetto didn't help my issues. I blamed my father for being more concerned with working damn near 7 days a week than spending quality time with our family as I imagined every other father was doing. I blamed him for not paying enough attention to the son he decided to give his name. Around the age of 8, I became an overachiever and got involved every activity I could. I thought by excelling in school, he'd be forced to look past me being different and be proud of my accomplishments. I desperately wanted him to realize he hadn't made a mistake by giving me his name even though I'd already convinced myself he had.

To my surprise, my plan didn't work. When I got the lead in school plays, he never showed up to see me. When I won numerous awards for leadership and various national speech contests, he never came to cheer me on. When I got accepted into the highly competitive theatre program of my first choice high school, his response was "I hope you don't think you going to that school especially since it's on the north side. Aint nothing on the north side but white people and faggots."(btw I went anyway thanx to my mother) As I moved into my teen years, the hatred and bitterness for him grew more. Since my previous plan to get his attention didn't work, I set my mind on making more money than him and doing better (academically & financially) than anybody else in my immediate family (especially him). This time I was sure he would get it because I would be so successful, there would be no way for him NOT to get it. In order to definitely make the plan work without distractions from the major dysfunction at home I'd grown accustomed to, I decided to leave a few months shy of my 16th birthday. (there were a few other factors I wont address in this post that were a part of this decision including a month long stay at a mental institution initiated by my parents, a humiliating meeting with ALL of the ministers from my parents church and an old fashion beat down by good old dad himself)

Little did I know that decision would change the trajectory of my life and despite a multitude of accomplishments including achieving the major goal (making more money than him) I was so sure would finally force him to get it, he didn't and I remained unhappy and unfulfilled. I tried writing a letter to him with a list of all of my accomplishments and more importantly my TRUE feelings about him and our relationship (or lack thereof). I intentionally mailed it a few days before father's day to ensure he got it on or shortly after the day I’d grown to hate with every fiber of my being. As I reflect back to how I was feeling when I wrote the letter, I should have known it wouldn’t produce the results I was hoping for because it came from a place of anger, blame and hate. While I'm not able to recall everything I wrote, I do remember ending the letter with 'I would be lying if I wished you a Happy Father's Day because you have/will NEVER understand what it means to be a Father' A few days later, I got a call from my mother (who was very upset) . She said 'Bobby I don't know what you put in that letter but it really messed your father up. He hasn't been right since he got it. He's not eating or sleeping and I'm really worried about him' Although I really wanted to be happy about the fact that it affected him, my conscious wouldn't let me because I knew things wouldn't change.

A few more years passed and our relationship (or lack thereof) remained the same. At this point, I started noticing something about my life that shook the core of my foundation. I was stuck in vicious cycle that was causing me to make the same mistakes over and over again. Each time I thought my life was finally working well, something fucked up would happen and I'd have to start all over again. On top of that, I was addicted to being busy which caused me to get involved in a bunch of different activities to occupy my time when the reality was I wasn’t doing ANY of them well. I realized it was time to figure out what I was running from. I knew the ONLY way I'd be able to really see what was going on, I would have to force myself to sit down and spend some serious time examining the role I'd played in why my life wasn't working.(specifically some of the decisions I'd made) Now don't get me wrong, I'd been down this road before. I knew exactly what I needed to do but honestly I was scared as hell at the very thought of looking at some of the ugly shit from my past that I'd tried (unsuccessfully of course) to push out of my mind so I could move on with my life. It was so much easier to blame my dad and fucked up childhood for why my life was a mess. I'd also tried EVERYTHING to try to fix myself!! Therapy…Didn't work for me, Church….I had major issues with church after being molested by several members of the church I was raised in. I also blamed the church for playing a MAJOR part in destroying my family so seeking help from any CHURCH or anything church related wasn't an option.

My LAST option turned out to be exactly what I needed to help me work through my shit. I actually blogged about how that experience COMPLETELY changed my life and helped me forgive my father NOT for him but for myself. Check out THIS POST for more on that. I wanted to share my story with anybody who is carrying ANY bitterness, hatred or anger towards your family (specifically your immediate family) I know how it feels to be so hurt by things your OWN DAMN family members (including your parents) did to you that you have NO DESIRE to even be in their presence. After some of the fucked up shit my father did to me, I honestly believed without a shadow of a doubt that there was absolutely NO WAY in hell I could ever forgive him and forget about establishing any kind of relationship with him. That was COMPLETELY out of the question. I convinced myself that I would NEVER give him the opportunity to hurt me again. In fact, for about 10 years I only spoke to him if he answered the phone when I called my mom. I never shared ANYTHING about my life and was sometimes downright nasty to him when he’d answer the phone.

The hardest pill for me to swallow became one of the biggest lessons I learned in life. WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND DONE IT WOULDNT MATTER HOW HARD I WORKED TO BE SUCCESSFUL, I'D NEVER BE COMPLETELY HAPPY AND FREE UNTIL I COMPLETELY FORGAVE HIM AND FREED MYSELF OF THE HEAVY NEGATIVE WEIGHT ASSOCIATED THOSE FEELINGS (whether I chose to see, acknowledge and deal with them) Believe it or not that realization was not enough for me to do anything to fix it. A small yet very significant realization inspired me to take the first step. UNDERSTANDING and FULLY ACCEPTING the fact that forgiving him was not about him or for him. It was ALL ABOUT ME!! Forgiving him didn't mean I would have to establish a relationship. I also didn't need to forget what he did to me to forgive him. He didn't have to acknowledge what he did or apologize to me b/c the reality is HE KNOW’S VERY WELL WHAT HE DID and that is HIS WORK TO DO! It has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!

I will NEVER be able to explain in words the feeling I experienced after I forgave him without ANY attachments or expectation. It was an out of body, once in a lifetime experience that I'll NEVER forget and I can honestly say my life hasn't been the same since. I'm happy to report that while we damn sure aint the best of friends, I have a pretty decent relationship with my dad. It's not perfect but life isn't so we’re doing ok. Without a doubt, I know I'm a better person and my life is significantly different (in a great way) as a result forgiving him. The fact that I’m in a wonderful, healthy relationship with the love of my life and experiencing REAL LOVE for the first time in my life is a clear example of what's possible if you allow yourself to take the risk of letting go of your past to create the space for a future of limitless possibilities.

HELL NAW IT AINT EASY AND HELL YEA IT TAKES TIME but this is your life and your future we’re talking about here…YOU ARE WORTH IT!! Trust me on this one. Now in case you hadn't notice from the pictures, I couldn't deny him as my father if I tried. I'm finally at a point in my life where I can acknowledge and accept some of great positive traits/characteristics I've inherited from him that have contributed to the fabric of my being thus far. Since I actually have 4 different dads (more on that later) I thought I'd share 4 positive traits/ characteristics I inherited from Bobby Brown Sr. that I'm grateful for.

4 Positive Traits/Characteristics I Inherited From Bobby Brown Sr.
I. Self-Confidence (often mistaken for arrogance) & Fantastic Genes
Despite the fact my dad celebrated his 50th birthday this year, he is in EXCELLENT shape (he works out at least 3 times a week) He doesn’t look his age AT ALL and can easily pass for mid-30s. One of the things I've always admired about him is how effortless he displays confidence. It's definitely a gift he carries in his bowlegged stride wherever he goes.

II. Amazing Work Ethic
Throughout my life, I've NEVER witnessed my father out of work and I can still count on both hands the number of times he's called in sick. He's always done a DAMN good job taking care of our family of 9 (7 children and my mom). There were times he worked 2 jobs seven days a week just to make sure our needs were met. Not only that, he is a HARD worker who doesn't mind rolling up his sleeves and getting dirty to get the job done. I'm always amazed when I think about the fact that at my age, he was taking care of a family. This is definitely the trait I’m the most grateful for inheriting b/c it has taken me very far.

III. The Razor Sharp Tongue (that refuses to be held more often than not)
This is one of several traits I inherited from my mom & dad. I've personally witnessed (and been on the receiving end) of them in action (separately & together) and I'm still hoping one day I'll be as good as them. They have two very different yet highly effective styles/approaches that yield some interesting (sometimes very ugly) results. My mother is very outgoing, talkative and definitely has the 'gift of gab' which she uses to her benefit. I can't tell you how many times I've watched or heard my mother let somebody have it with a big smile on her face and in the friendliest tone. If you don't believe me, ask Rodney or Dizyaboy. Please understand that even though I've invested a LOT of time and energy into developing my verbal communication skills (aka my tongue) I've learned (the hard way of course) NOT TO TEST HER (especially in public or in the presence of company) My dad's style/approach is and has always been very SHORT, DIRECT and UNFILTERED delivery without regard to feelings. You'll always know exactly what he thinks or how he feels about things (especially if he doesn't agree with you or has a reason to believe you might be wrong) His personality is the complete opposite of my mother. HE IS NOT OUTGOING, TALKATIVE or FRIENDLY. In fact, my siblings and I think he is SHADY AS HELL. He is the master of 'looking through' people. (another trait I inherited) He won’t speak to you if you've not spoken first. . However, if you happen to capture his attention long enough to engage in a conversation, you should be ready to hear the truth without the warm fuzzies. During a conversation with him a few weeks ago, he said 'I really don’t like being around people. I believe I could exist on this planet by myself and be ok' GOTTA LOVE IT! As you can probably imagine, disagreements/arguments between my parents tend to be a lengthy word battles I’m pretty sure this trait was already in motion by the time I came out my mother's wound. She once told me "from the time you started talking, that mouth has been something else" I remember the warning she'd say (so much I’m hearing her voice right now) "Bobby, that mouth is gonna get you in trouble when you get older" Of my 6 siblings, I was the one who would continue to ask questions after whippings/beatings/punishments. I can't tell you how many additional smacks/beatings/punishments I got as a result of talking back. I was the one in church who took pleasure in giving the ushers HELL! (ex: During service, when the ushers passed out paper to dispose of gum, I'd either ignore them and keep chewing or hold the paper in the air with a sarcastic 'what is this for' look. (again ask Dizyaboy if you don’t believe me) Believe it or not I can honestly say that while my tongue has definitely gotten me into some "uncomfortable" situations, overall it has worked VERY well for me. Of course when you throw in 10 years of training via my professional career in Human Resources while experiencing life, making mistakes and learning lessons, I think I've turned out ok thanks to a solid foundation which includes a sharp tongue from both of my parents.

FYI: I spent a significant amount of time debating with myself trying to figure out how to articulate the fourth (and last) positive trait I inheritated without being too vulgar or revealing too much information about myself (and my dad for that matter) The more I thought about it, the more I realized the best way to say it is to just say it. (kinda like my daddy) so here it goes.

IV. A very special (larger than average) "gift" that has and continues to afford me (and the chosen few who've been invited to engage) with a very active, pleasurable and extremely satisfying sex life.

I won't expound on this one b/c the statement says it all. If you're wondering how I know I inherited this trait from my dad consider the fact that I have 6 other siblings. Four of the seven (including 3 of my 5 brothers) already have more than one child. Need I say more?

MY BABY'S MOMMA IS BAAAAAACCK!!!

2006-06-15T10:42:00.000-04:00

CHECK OUT THIS HOT NEW SINGLE BY BEYONCE!!!

I'M LOVING IT!!!!

HURRICANE RELIEF ESPECIALLY FOR TRENT AND CHARLES X

2006-06-10T00:43:00.000-04:00

Yea I know we've been hearing the warnings for months now. But according to them, the official start date for the season was June 1st right? I guess the universe decided I needed an earlier date because I've been dealing with a major hurricane in my life for the past few months. I'm pretty sure it was a Catagory 4 but I wont be able to confirm that until after the recovery and clean up has officially ended. As I mentioned in my previous post, the great news is that the eye of the storm has passed and the sun has been slowly rising which definitly helps with drying up some of the major flooding from the rain.

So yea thats the real reason I've been absent from my blog, my friends, my family, my relationship and most importantly my life for the past few months. I aint even gonna front about how fucked up things got for me. I was so depressed at one point, I strongly considered checking myself into a hospital. At one point, the stress took its toll on my body and I suffered a very scary panic attack in front of some very important people at the most inappropiate time. It was the MOST embarrassing experience of my 10 year career and needless to say I was no where near prepared to deal with the nasty after affects of this ordeal.

In spite of it all, I made it through with a hand full of powerful lessons, most of my sanity and yet another hard reminder that I'm stronger than I thought I was. Another MAJOR factor that inspired me to keep going was when I realized I wasnt the only one who got the early hurricane season memo. If you've been keeping up with the members of my blogroll, you already know that Trent, Heartbreaker, Jamal Franklin (all fellow pisces might I add), No4real4real, Rodney and my child Charles X (and fewothers) are/have all been going through some serious shit. Shoutout to each of you and anybody else in the midst of a difficult time. I want to encourage you to keep your head up and remain grateful each day (even when you dont feel like it) and I promise its gonna get better. You are ALL in my thoughts and prayers especially you Trent and my child Charles X!

Last but not least, I want to share 2 songs that have become my daily anthems because they spoke directly to where I am/have been AND they provided some direction/inspiration which gave me strength not to give up on this crazy thing I call my life. Both songs are by Mary Mary, two PHENOMENAL inspirational sisters with who can both sing MOST of these current R&B chicks under a table including my baby's mother. The first song (my favorite) is titled 'Yesterday' and the second song is 'I Try' PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Do me a huge favor and listen closely to the lyrics of BOTH songs. Keep ya head up and remember to find ONE thing to be grateful for every single day and say it OUT LOUD! If you cant think of anything, start with the fact that you woke up without the assistance of a machine/tube. Have a wonderful weekend and stay tuned for a very special surprise I'm working on especially for YOU..my blog family!

I AM CHANGING!!!

2006-06-05T00:20:00.000-04:00

So in case you hadnt noticed, i decided to take a break/hiatus from blogging for a while for a variety of reasons. Quite honestly, things in my world have been a little crazy (not that good kind of crazy) for the past few months. You've all heard the saying 'When it rains, it pours' well lets just say its been raining cats and dogs in my life but the one thing that has kept me from giving up and going completely insane is the clear understanding that EVERY SINGLE THING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! I know this without a shadow of a doubt because this thing I call my life has an interesting way of proving it over and over again.

Most of you should already know by now that I'm not going to go into the specific details of what's happened because I believe at the end of the day, spending time revisiting everything that's gone wrong in my life isnt helpful or important. What's more important is to let you guys know that things have gotten much better and I can see the sun again. I'll also share something that'll give you a glimpse of one of the major things I'm dealing with. The easiest way to explain it is to say I AM CHANGING! It started a few months ago right around my 29th birthday. I started noticing some things about myself and my life that werent working. As I began to examine things more closely, I realized that I'm in the midst of a MAJOR transition. Now dont get me wrong, throughout my life I've grown accustomed to taking risks, making changes and taking responsibility for my actions/decisions.

However, the more time I spent with myself, the more I begin to notice how different the space I'm in now is from previous periods of transition in my life. For example, I've spent the last 10 years of my professional career working in Human Resources. I've always loved it and honestly believed it was what I would do for the rest of my life. The reality is when I was 8 years old, I told my parents and myself that I wanted to be a psychologist. Throughout the years, I allowed outside forces/influences (ie the myth that you have to go to school for 10 years to be successful in the field and psychologist dont make any money) to cloud my judgement and change my view and subsequent pursuit of this dream even though I knew in my heart thats what I really wanted to do.

Fast forward to now and although I still love HR, my heart is telling me to pursue my dream. The universe has a strange way of sending signs/signals that reinforce what you know in your heart but refuse to acknowledge or avoid mostly because of fear. Here's the thing, I've been getting a bunch of these signals/signs over the last year especially since my birthday. When I first saw Dr. Robin Smith on Oprah, I immediately connected with her and it actually scared me because it was like i was looking at a reflection of the person I've always wanted to be. Each time i would see her, I would be plagued by this nagging voice that said 'Bobby this is what you really want to do and you'll never be happy or as successful as you want to be if you dont pursue it' Initially, I tried to dismiss it as a distraction wrapped in what I thought was inspiration and admiration for a wonderful human being. But the voice didnt go away in fact it got louder.

All of a sudden, I began to question the passion I thought I had for HR and realized that my real passion is and has always been helping people see/realize things about themselves that creates the possibility/opportunity to make a difference in their lives. (sounds kinda like a therapist or psychologist right?) I've also had to acknowledge and take responsiblity for the fact that by choosing to pursue a career in HR, I actually took the easy way out because deep down inside, I didnt think I had what it took to be a good psychologist and used the school/discipline excuse avoid taking the risk and pursing my dream. That was a very hard pill to swallow but thats kinda how TRUTH is sometimes. I dont discount or diminish the time I've spent in HR because doing that would discount and diminish the difference/impact I've made in the lives of a lot of people throughout my career. So where do I go from here? I'm still in the process of figuring that out so i dont have an answer right now and believe it or not that is only ONE of many things I'm dealing with as a part of this transition.

What I know for sure is that I'm changing and I'm excited, anxious and slightly nervous about what the future holds for me. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I work my way through this new journey. I've been blessed with WONDERFUL friends who're always there to offer encouragement and support which inspires me to keep going. The message below was sent to me by one of my friends and it was extremely helpful for me so I thought I'd pass it along to you. Finally, I believe with all of my heart and soul that if I can help somebody (whether its one person or five hundred people) my living shall not be in vain.

Stay Grateful!

PRAISING GOD FOR CLOSED DOORS

We need to learn to praise the Lord as much for a closed door as we do
an open door. The reason God closes doors is because He has not
prepared anything over there for us. If he didn't close the wrong door, we
would never find the right door.

God directs our path through the closing and opening of doors. Once a
door closes, it forces you to change your course. Another door closes,
it forces you to change your course again. Then, finally, you find the
open door and you walk right into your blessing.

The Lord directs our paths through the opening and closing of doors,
but instead of praising him for the closed door (which keeps us out of
trouble); we get upset because we "judge by the appearances."

You have an ever-present help in the time of trouble that is always
standing guard. Because He walks ahead of you, He can spot trouble
down the road and set up a roadblock or detour accordingly. But through our
lack of wisdom, we try to tear down the roadblocks or push aside the
detour sign. Then the minute we get into trouble, we start crying,
"Lord, how could You have done this to me?"

We have got to realize that the closed door can be a blessing. Didn't
He say that no good thing would He withhold from them that love Him?
If you get terminated from your job, praise God for the new
opportunities that will manifest themselves: it might be another job,
it might be school.

If that man or woman won't return your call, it might not be them, it
might be the Lord setting up a roadblock (just let it go).

One time, a person had a bank they had been in business with for many
years and the bank told them "No!" to a $10,000 loan. The Lord put in their spirit
to call another bank. That bank gave them $40,000 at a lower interest
rate than the first bank was offering.

We can sometimes trap ourselves in doubt and discouragement through
judging by appearances. Be grateful for the many times our Father has
closed doors to us just to open them in the most unexpected places.

The Lord won't always say in spoken words: "Go to the left, now to the
right" ...sometimes He will just close the doors that are wrong for
you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him - and He will direct
your paths. (Prov. 3:5-6)

Bobby's Weekly Consciousness Tune-up

2006-05-26T14:08:00.000-04:00

BRIBING OURSELVES
By: Micheal Berg

One of our most important spiritual lessons is that we need to always continue growing spiritually. If we are not moving forward in our transformation, then we are moving backwards. True self-assessment is one of the most powerful tools to assist in our constant spiritual growth. It is important that we take the time, whether it is once a day, once a week, or once a month to honestly review our spiritual work and progress. We should think of what has worked, what has not, and what more we need to do.

Certainly, this self-assessment needs to be truthful in order to truly work. Therefore, we need to identify one of our biggest barriers to true self-assessment: bribing ourselves. Very often when we take stock of our spiritual self, we minimize what needs to be changed and what needs to be corrected because we take into account all of the positive things that we do and all the good spiritual work we accomplish. Other times we compare ourselves to others saying, " do so much more than that person" or "compared to him, I am in a very good spiritual place."

All these positive acts and comparisons amount to a bribe, blinding ourselves - sometimes even unconsciously - from true spiritual assessment. We need to keep in mind our tremendous potential and judge ourselves not against others but against our own great potential. We should also not focus on all the good - which we certainly do - when our purpose is to identify where we are lacking and where we need to push ourselves more.

If we refrain from bribing ourselves and constantly assess our spiritual self truthfully, we will certainly reach our powerful spiritual potential.

Taken from this month's Kabbalah E-Newsletter

UPDATE & RE-POST: A MOTHER'S LOVE

2006-05-12T07:21:00.000-04:00

In honor of Mother's Day, I've decided to re-post a tribute I did for my mom back in Sept '05. I also want to thank everybody who has reached out to me over the past few weeks concerning my abscence from blogland. I'm working through a few things right now but I'm ok and I'll be back very soon. Lastly, I'd like to wish each of my special blogger mom's a very Happy Mother's Day!

A Mother's love is something that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence of God's tender guiding hand.

~Helen Steiner Rice~

I'll never forget the day I really realized how amazing my mother is and how much of an impact she's had on my life. I was in college taking a class called "The Psychology of Family" (i know interesting right). One of our final project was to do an analysis on the relationship between inherited characteristics from both parents. A part of the assignment required us to list the characteristics we liked & didn't like about ourselves and link them to each of our parents. The more I worked on it, the more I realized that just about every characteristic I liked about myself were things that had always irritated me about my mother.

For example, my mother has the ability to adapt to ANY situation. She's very outgoing and naturally friendly. I remember being annoyed everytime I went somewhere with her b/c she could strike up a convo with just about anyone and end up in these long ass conversations where the person was telling her all their business. She wasn't a stranger to sharing her business either. I can never forget the many times she popped me in my mouth for giving her nasty looks as we stood in the cashier line as she shared way too much information. "I gotta get these children something to eat. They walking around here looking pitiful like they aint ate all week" Meanwhile, I'm standing there thinking to myself 'she didnt ask u all that just pay her so we can get the hell out of here'

As I've gotten older, I've been able to really appreciate and acknowledge her for the wonderful job she's done with raising my siblings and I. Don't get me wrong I came up in a 2 parent home. I'm the second of 7 children (5 boys & 2 girls) from the same momma and daddy. My parents got married when they were 17 & 18 years old. In fact, they got married on my father's birthday. Basically at my age they had a full family (or congregation as my mother so often referred to us as). I can't imagine having 1 damn child at this age god forbid trying to manage 7 but she did it. Let me add she did a DAMN good job of it. Sometimes I think 2 good of a job because after my baby brother child turned 18, she nearly lost her mind. I remember her saying "All I know how to do is be a mother and a wife...what am I going to do now?" My answer is and has always been LIVE!

My mom has this phenomenal ability to treat each of us as if we are her only child. People ask me all the time if I'm an only child and they are always surprised when I tell them how big my family is. Because were so young when they started the family, it was almost like we grew up with them. My mother is very quick to let people know her children are and have always been her world. She had this annoying habit of breaking out family pictures (u know the ones that dont belong outside of the house) at the oddest times and in the strangest places. She took us with her EVERYWHERE she went. We had to line up in height order and wait for her if she was shopping or engaged in one of her long conversations. People always complimented her on how well mannered we were. (of course they didnt know she ruled with an IRON FIST and a thick belt)

She ALWAYS made sure we had everything we needed and nothing more. She was (and still is in some ways) old fashioned with her parenting style. We always had dinner as a family and because we were heavily involved with the church (Sun-2 services, Tues, Friday and choir rehearsal on Saturdays) we had family devotion EVERY night. I still remember getting whippings for falling asleep during devotion or for not having a song prepared. Looking back, she spent a lot of time instilling values in each of us that I carry with me to this day. She also had this fascinating (yet very scary) prophetic sense that is so deep yet ridiculously accurate that we encourage her all the time to invest in a phone line and make some real money..lol.. she attributes it to this statement that she so often reminds my siblings and I of "just because they cut the imbilical cord doesnt mean they cut the bond' SHE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG WHETHER IM IN CHICAGO OR HOUSTON! That has always completely blown my mind.

I'll be in the middle of some serious shit over a thousand miles away and she'll randomly call and ask what's going on. At times when I avoid the call, she'll leave a message telling me either exactly whats going on with me or she'll say I know something is going on right now and u dont want to talk about it right now but just know that I'm praying for you. She's always been like my best friend/mother who I could tell just about anything to. We've had our issues like any mother and son but through it all, she's been right there in my corner encouraging me to pursue my dreams. When I didnt think I had a friend, she's always been there whether in person or spirit assuring me that I can do whatever I put my mind to. Even when she doesnt agree with my choices, she supports me and allows me to learn for myself.

She has a natural warm spirit that draws you into her presence. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS WHO'VE MET HER IMMEDIATELY FALL IN LOVE WITH HER! She's just that kind of person and I love her with every fiber of my being. She always talks about how proud she is of me but right now PROUD isnt a big enough word to explain how I feel about her. A little over a year ago, she and my father separated and she left Chicago and began a brand new life in St. Paul, Minnesota (I know eww for Minnesota) but she is happier than I've ever seen her throughout my whole life. She has her own apartment and has adjusted very well to the city. She has good & bad days like any woman who spent 32 years of her life with the same person but the most important piece is she is happy and growing stronger by the day.

Diane Shirley Brown always encourages others not to wait until people die to give them their roses. Mom, I'm taking your advice and honoring you with this small token of my appreciation for always inspiring me to be bigger by being the brilliant, amazing and phenomenal beam of sunshine that I'm honored to call my mother. THANK YOU MOM AND ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS AND I LOVE YOU!!!

Below is a picture of all 7 of my siblings and I taken at a surprise birthday party I gave my mother a couple of years ago.

MY ALPHA ANNIVERSARY: Shoutout to my line SS H.H.H.

2006-04-21T11:11:00.000-04:00

ON THIS DAY ~ APRIL 21ST

5 YEARS AGO ~ 2001

AFTER A LONG ~ 9 & 1/2 WEEKS

CHALLENGING PROCESS ~ HARD CORE PLEDGING

I COMPLETED MY JOURNEY ~ @4:33:30 AM

INTO THE DISTINGUISHED & ELITE BROTHERHOOD OF

THE NOTORIOUS NU RHO CHAPTER OF

ALPHA PHI ALPHA FRATERNITY INC

SS Hallowed Harbingers of Hade ~ April 21, 2001

#1 ~ Captain ~ Justin (Bishop) Proctor

#2 ~ Duece ~ Melvin (Deacon) Petties

#3 ~ Quas ~ Eric (Prophet) Bell

#4 ~ Navigator ~ Bobby (Minister) Brown Jr.

#5 ~ Anchor ~ Antione (Priest) Glenn

I've heard MANY horror stories about pledging into frats and sororities from MANY different people and I can never relate. Was I hazed? YEP sure was by OLD SCHOOL ALPHAS (from as far back as 1977)....Was it physical? HELL YEA but you know what...IM STILL HERE!!! I went through a very difficult pledge process but I can honestly say that I would do it ALL OVER AGAIN if I had to. Throughout my process, I learned valuable life lessons that I still use in my daily life. One thing I know for a fact is I would not have made it through that process without my dean David (who is also my pledge father) and my 4 line brothers (who remain some of my closest friends). They showed me through their actions what real brotherhood and unconditional love is all about which is something I'll never forget. We were definitetly the tightest line in our district during the Spring 01 season. We left a legacy in Chicago that has yet to be duplicated. So today is a very special day for me and I wanted to share it with each of you. Happy Anniversary Justin, Melvin, Eric and Antione aka SS H.H.H.
I LOVE YALL!!!

(REPOST) HELL NO! I'M NOT TURNING DOWN MY LIGHT FOR YOU!

2006-04-08T23:46:00.000-04:00

DISCLAIMER: This post is dedicated to what Kanye West calls 'The Dreamkillers' or what i call HATERS. We all have them (some more than others) and i've accepted the reality that they aint going away anytime soon. I've also learned how NOT to allow them to steal my joy or make me turn down the light that shines within me. Warning-this piece contains a few bad words :) (after all we are talkin to the haters)

HELL NO! I'M NOT TURNING DOWN MY LIGHT FOR YOU!

What? u want me to turn down my light for you? why b/c the brightness reminds u of how much u don't like yourself or b/c it makes you uncomfortable to be around somebody who does. i know u are intimidated by my honesty b/c u surround yourself with people (your so called friends and sometimes family) who support your drama by constantly lying to you b/c they are afraid to hurt your feelings. I've heard you say "he's too much" and "he thinks he's all that" when referring to me and you know what I FULLY AGREE! I am too much in fact I'm more than too much I'M MUCH MORE! and since when did they start giving our mind reading degrees? (please share the knowledge cuz i need to get me one of those) You can't tell me what i THINK until you've been in my head but for the record, I DO THINK I'M ALL THAT b/c if I didn't WHO WOULD? (i know i cant count on u for that) i can't help the fact that my light shines bright where ever i go and people notice it. the thing you fail to understand is THAT IS NOT MY ISSUE! I DON'T CARE if people notice it, are uncomfortable with it, don't like it, etc. THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM & THEIR WORK TO DO...i'm ok with me and besides i'm working with a GIFT given to me by my creator and it FORCES me to shine. I'm not scared and will NEVER be afraid of you b/c he ALWAYS has my back and he ALWAYS takes care of me. so do me a favor, stop hating and start trying to figure out how u can turn up your light instead of letting other people keep it dim. stop hating and maybe you can actually digest some of the positive energy it gives off that you've missed b/c of your hate, stop trying to engage others in your hate b/c they see something you don't and while yes you will find a few others like yourself with dim lights, you are gonna run into many more people with lights that are bright (sometimes brighter than mine!)in case you hadn't noticed, i'm not going anywhere and to answer your question, HELL NO! I'm NOT TURNING DOWN MY LIGHT FOR YOU! Last but certainly not least, i have a motto by which i live my life and I want to share it with you to help you better understand how to relate to me going forward. My motto is "LIKE ME OR LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Good luck on your journey to find peace....

(REPOST)Terry vs Jonathan: Why I Think He Won & How She Showed Who's Really Crazy!

2006-04-03T16:49:00.000-04:00

SINCE OPRAH DECIDED TO RE-RUN THIS BULLSHIT OF AN INTERVIEW, I THOUGHT I'D RE-RUN THIS POST (WHICH HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR POST I'VE DONE SINCE I STARTED BLOGGING) ENJOY!!

There were SOOO many things wrong with this show that it's probaly gonna take more than one post to completely tackle this but i'll try. First of all, I'm very annoyed with the fact that Oprah and Terry didn't let Dr. Robin finish her point. In fact, she should have had a whole segment with them b/c it's very obvious Terry's crazy, angry, not taking responsibility for her role in the relationship, blame it all on Jonathan, im a victim ass needed a nice dose of reality pushed through her vains and Dr. Robin tried unsuccessfully (thanx to Oprah and Terry) to do this.

So the show started with Terry telling her side of the story and the first thing I couldnt help but notice was the nastiness in her tone and the contradictions in her story. When asked did she ever suspect that her husband was gay, she said "No Never! He wasnt the most masculine man ive ever date and he spent more time in the mirror than me which always annoyed me" hmmmm so really NO suspicions huh? Remember when the pictures of the two of them surfaced about 10 years ago? Did you suspect he was gay? I'm gonna go with YEA! In fact, EVERYBODY (straight & gay) in my social circle did but who are we to judge? Anyway I digress...She also said that she didnt expect their relationship was going to last forever. Which caused me to question why she was so upset/bitter/anger about the fact that it was over. It became painfully clear to me after she shared her side that the fact that he's gay (which i argue she knew when she married him) made her more angry than anything else. I believe the relationship was going to end anyway because she is old enough to be his mother and they weren't on the same level emotionally, financially etc and after Jonathan came out to tell his side my belief was confirmed.

Jonathan comes out to tell his side of the story and as I watched him try to get through a sentence without being cut off by psycho bitch Terry, it becomes obvious how controlling, crazy and psychotic she really is. Did you notice how he looked at her before he spoke and how each time he said something that might have made her look crazier than she is, she cut him off and attempted to guide his answer. I was also annoyed with the fact that Oprah was not objective in her delivery/questions/approach. She was clearly on Terry's side and refused to give Jonathan the benefit of a doubt. Anybody who knows anything about Jamaican culture and homosexuality would know that what Jonathan said about why he wasnt gay when he married her makes sense.

Yes I honestly believe that he didnt know he was gay when he married her. Why? Well the culture thing has to be taken into consideration in addition to the fact that he was 20 damn years old!! At 20, who knows what they are? Dont get me wrong there are some mature 20 year old's (like me) who might know a little bit more about who they are than others but we can't generalize and put everybody into the same category. Oprah made it a point to say "Ive had gay people on my show who say they knew since they were born, since they were 5, since they were 15." She had a hard time believing he didnt know and I have a serious problem with that b/c she assumes he should be like everybody else she's met and the reality is that he isnt. The combination of his background/culture's view of homosexuality and his love for her were enough to mask what was really going on underneath.

This is why Dr. Robin should have been able to talk because what she was trying to say was that both of them were swept up in this whirlwind fantasy romance which caused them both not to be in reality. I believe that after the dust settled, the honeymoon period was over and more importantly he grew up, things started looking different to him. He was in a country that said it's ok to be gay and he decided to act on his curiosity.

The biggest issue I had with this show is that Terry NEVER took responsibility for any damn thing. Yes she had the right to be angry, hurt and upset. She had the right to be upset that he cheated on her. But she has yet to examine what role she played in how this whole ordeal ended up. Starting with the fact that she had some suspicions he was gay from the beginning and chose not to address it with him at the beginning. Although I honestly believe she KNEW he was gay but she (like a lot of women) didnt want to accept it b/c he was laying the pipe right and tending to her needs in a way no other man had ever done. It's obvious Jonathan was wrong for cheating on her and wrong for the way this whole thing was handled but Terry was even more wrong for not only the way she handled this but the fact that she used his youth and innocence to satisfy her old grown ass needs. I also argue that if he would've have cheated with another woman, this situation would have looked a whole lot different. She looked liked a damn fool talking about she wasnt homophobic. Really Terry? We believe you...we really do..

Oh yeah let's talk about the whole money issue. One of the things Terry pointed out when she shared her side of the story was how she wrote "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" to show the double standard between men and woman. I'd like to apply that same standard to their marriage. Had it been the other way around "Jonathan had money and divorced Terry for cheating on him" Oprah or nobody else would be questioning why she would be asking for money from him. END OF STORY!

I found it soooo interesting that when Dr. Robin asked both of them what they learned about themselves from this, Terry dodged the question which to me is a CLEAR indication that she doesnt believe she did anything wrong and was victimized by Jonathan. He on the other hand offered a few pretty good lessons he learned. Terry needs help and for her sake, I hope she looks at the tape of this show and realizes how much of a bafoon she made of herself. I also hope that other women (especially black women) who saw this show were able to see the role they play in why this thing some people called "the downlow" exist. We have to learn that it takes 2 to tango and one shoe doesnt work without the other.

DESTINY FULFILLED...AND LOVING IT!!

2006-03-31T13:31:00.000-05:00

IF YOU AINT A DESTINY'S CHILD FAN....THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!!!

Ok now that we've gotten that out of the way......

So I've been waiting with HIGH anticipation for March 28th to get here since last summer. The Destiny's Child 'Live in Atlanta' DVD was released on that day and I've already watched it 3 times. I had the awesome opportunity of seeing the show live last summer and it was absolutely one of the BEST concerts I've ever been to. If you missed the Destiny Fulfilled..And Loving It Tour, trust me you missed a treat. It's no secret I'm a HUGE fan of Destiny's Child. I know what you're thinking...'He only likes them because his baby's mother is the lead singer' and you are partially right. I've blogged about my admiration for this group before,(click here)

I gained a BRAND NEW appreciation for them after seeing them live. And trust me when I tell you, I'm very critical of live performances partly because of my musical background but mostly because of my musical ear. I pay attention to pitch, harmony and all the little things that most people neglect. DC3 provided an excellent example of one of the principles I based my company around (PROPER PREPARATION will help you deliver a POLISHED PRESENTATION) All 3 of them SANG they ASSES OFF! Now you need to know that prior to the concert, I really didnt care for Michelle.

I thought she really didnt fit in the group and her voice left MUCH to be desired. I purchased both of her gospel albums and was quite disappointed. I often told people she sounded like Macy Gray on crack. To make matters worse, it always seemed like she was the last one to get into hair, makeup and wardrobe when they performed because she ALWAYS LOOKED A HOT ASS MESS! I actually came up with a hilarious re-enactment of how I think the dressing room scene plays out each time they get ready to go on stage. (perhaps I'll share it with you guys on my next visit to Trent's Witty Wend post if he ever brings his late ass back. he might wanna come back soon before he has no fans to come back to...but i digress)

What was I talking about?..oh yea DC3...so I went to the concert and I have to say I was completely BLOWN AWAY. Now before you start thinking it was a BEYONCE show with overpaid background singers/dancers aka Michelle and Kelly let me assure you it was FAR FROM IT. ALL 3 of the girls showed why they are the BIGGEST SELLING FEMALE GROUP OF ALL TIME. Now yall know I LOVE my baby's mother with every ounce of my being but Michelle STOLE the show. To give you an idea of how much she stole the show check this out. After her solo performance, she recieved a 5 minute standing ovation at the show I was at. After this concert, I vowed NEVER to hate on Michelle's vocals again and I promise you that after you see her performance you wont either. The crowd was going so wild for her, my baby's mother's entrance for her solo performance was delayed a few mins. (but dont worry she definitely made up for it and showed us why her solo album did better than both of their's COMBINED!!)

So I guess I said all that to say....GET THE DAMN DVD!! It's well worth it!

BLOGGERS BE CAREFUL!!

2006-03-27T11:51:00.000-05:00

More and more companies are implementing strict policies about posting offensive content on a personal blog, when that offensive material makes reference to your work environment. This article, originally from the Washington Post, references several juicy stories, including an intern who blogged about her sexual relationships with officemates. The article also points out that many people check out a potential job or internship candidate's blog before hiring them.

Blogging Rise Causes Workplace Issues
By Amy Joyce via Washington Post
The number of bloggers continues to grow, but the number of workplace policies explaining the company's rules on blogging remains anemic. And that can cause a lot of workplace angst for both management and workers. Although there are no real statistics on how many people have been fired for something they wrote on their personal Weblogs, the stories keep coming:A reporter in Dover, Del., was fired earlier this month for offensive postings on his personal blog. He was just added to the list. Remember "Washingtonienne,'" the intern who embarrassed her bosses on Capitol Hill when she described sexcapades with unnamed staffers? There was also "QueenofSky," a Delta flight attendant who was fired after she posed provocatively (she meant for it to be funny, she said) in her uniform. A Microsoft employee was canned after he posted a picture that included Macs the company had purchased. And of course there is blogger Heather Armstrong, who was fired in 2002 from her Web design job for writing about work and colleagues on her site, Dooce.com. That's where bloggers get the now-popular term, to be "dooced": to be fired because of one's blog.

According to a survey done by the Society for Human Resource Management in July, 85 percent of companies do not have a written policy that provides employees with guidelines on what is acceptable to write about in a personal blog, while 8 percent do. Another survey conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management said that 3 percent of 278 human resource professionals in early 2005 said they had disciplined workers for blogs. With more than 8 million blogs -- and growing -- in the United States, employers will find themselves dealing with issues related to personal blogs, just as they scratched their heads a decade ago when they tried to decide how to deal with employee e-mail and Internet usage.

Employers are unprepared for blogging"s impact, according to the Employment Law Alliance, a network of labor and employment law firms. It conducted a telephone poll of 1,000 adults in January that found about 5 percent of American workers maintain a personal blog, while only 15 percent of employers have a policy that directly addresses blogging. That concerns Stephen Hirschfeld, a labor lawyer and the chief executive of the alliance, because companies could find themselves in sticky litigation if they fire someone for what he wrote on his blog. "Both in respect to blogging or other non-blogging activities, you have to put employees on notice of do's and dont's", he said.

The poll also found that 59 percent of employees believe employers should be allowed to discipline or terminate workers who post confidential or proprietary information concerning the employer; 23 percent of employees would support a fellow worker who criticizes or jokes about employers, co-workers, supervisors, customers or clients. Meanwhile, according to the Society for Human Resource Management, 7 percent of human resource professionals read job candidates blogs to gather information on them before the company decided whether to hire them.

Bobby's Weekly Consciousness Tune-up

2006-03-25T12:34:00.000-05:00

This Week's Topic: THE EMPATHY WORKOUT
For the Week of Mar. 25th - Mar. 30th

I've blogged and posted articles by Martha Beck so regular BBBJr. visitors have already been introduced to the woman who's helped me work through some MAJOR personal challenges via the always powerful yet very practical column she writes each month for O magazine. One of the things I love her about her is how she tackles REAL issues (that we all can relate to) and offers not only useful but very PRACTICAL tools to assist with working through them. This week's tuneup comes from last month's O magazine. As I read it, i kept thinking to myself "this would probally be so helpful to some of my fellow bloggers".

Let me warn you that it's a little long (by some of your standards..lol) but it's well worth the read so make sure you read the whole thing. It was extremely helpful for me and trust me it works if you follow the steps. I wouldnt share it if it didnt....lol...gotta practice what I preach...enjoy

HAVE A HEART: THE EMPATHY WORKOUT{courtesy of the Mar '06 edition of O Magazine & written by Martha Beck}

I can't say I always enjoy cardiovascular exercise. I don't think anyone does. Oh, I've seen those infomercials featuring models whose granite abs and manic smiles become even more sharply defined at the very sight of workout equipment. But as we all know, these people are from Neptune. Being an Earth-human myself, I strongly resist abandoning my customary torpor to participate in perky physical activity of any kind. Nevertheless, I do cardio pretty regularly. I do it because I know my heart was designed to handle such challenges, because once I get started, I feel that it's doing me good, and because if I stop for very long, my health begins to atrophy.

There's another form of cardio that works much the same way, though it affects the emotional heart rather than the one made of auricles and ventricles. This workout consists of deliberately cultivating empathy. To empathize literally means 'to suffer with', to share the pain of other beings so entirely that their agony becomes our own. I know this sounds like a terrific hobby for a masochistic moron, but hear me out. The reason to develop a capacity for empathy, and then exercise it regularly, is that only a heart strengthened by this kind of understanding can effectively deliver the oxygen of the spirit: love.

Exercise One: Learning to Listen
I know one wise old man who has been working at empathy every day since becoming a meditation master early in his life. He matter-of-factly describes a state of complete empathic fitness as a "continuous emotional orgasm." Who's with me now? Let's talk about your exciting new cardio workout! If you want to feel that you belong in the world, a family, or any relationship, you must tell your story. But if you want to see into the hearts of other beings, your first task is to hear their stories. Many people are gifted storytellers. Only the empathic are true story-hearers. To become one of these people, start with conversation. Once a day, ask a friend, 'How are you?" in a way that says you mean it. If they give you a stock answer ("Fine"), repeat the question: "No, really. How are you?" You'll soon realize that if your purpose is solely to understand, rather than to advise or protect, you can work a kind of magic: In the warmth of genuine caring, people open up like flowers. You'll be amazed by the stories you'll hear when you use this simple strategy with your children, your next-door neighbor, your aunt Flossie. You'll learn things you never knew you never knew. Even if you're not in the company of people, you can work to increase your story-hearing techniques. Books, movies, songs—stories told in any artistic medium can give you an empathy workout. To grow stronger, find stories that are unfamiliar. If you read, watch, or hear only things you know well, you're looking for validation, not an expansion of empathy. There's nothing wrong with that, but to achieve high levels of fitness, focus once a week on the story of someone who seems utterly different from you.

Exercise Two: Reverse Engineering

Some mechanical engineers spend their time disassembling machines to see how they were originally put together. You can use a similar technique to develop empathy, by working backward from the observable effects of emotion to the emotion itself. Think of someone you'd like to understand—your enigmatic boss, your distant mother, the romantic interest who may or may not return your affections. Remember a recent interaction you had with this person—especially one that left you baffled as to how they were really feeling. Now imitate, as closely as you can, the physical posture, facial expression, exact words, and vocal inflection they used during that encounter. Notice what emotions arise within you.

What you feel will probably be very close to whatever the other person was going through. For example, when I "reverse engineer" the behavior of people I experience as critical or aloof, I usually find myself flooded with feelings of shyness, shame, or fear. It's a lesson that has saved me no end of worry and defensiveness. I train life coaches to use reverse engineering in real time, by subtly matching clients' body language, vocal tone, even breathing rate. It's so effective that clients often think the coach must be psychic—how else could anyone "get them" so quickly and completely? Elementary, my dear, Watson. The body shapes itself in response to emotion, and shaping one's own body to match someone else's is a quick ticket to empathy.

Exercise Three: Shape-Shifting
In folklore, shape-shifters are beings with the ability to become anyone or anything. As a child, I was fascinated by this concept, and used to pretend that I could instantaneously switch places with other people, animals, even inanimate objects. What if I woke up one morning in the body—and the life—of my best friend, or a bank robber, or the president? What if, like Kafka's fictional Gregor, I suddenly became a cockroach? (You could find people who think I've actually done this.) My point is, what would it feel like to be them? How would I cope? What would I do next? I still play this game, especially in public places. I recommend you try it, soon. See that strange man in the orange polyester suit putting 37 packets of sweetener into his extra-grande mochaccino with soy milk? What if—zap!—you suddenly switched bodies with him? What would it be like to wear that suit, that face, that physique? What impulse would lead to sugaring a cup of coffee like that, let alone drinking it?

I can feel this shape-shifting developing my empathy. It gives my heart a stretch, makes me entertain unfamiliar thoughts and feelings, leaving me with the sensation that I've completed a stomp session on an emotional StairMaster. And if I want to ramp up my workout, it's just a short hop to some practices that work even better, and have been tested for centuries. The thing about cardio is that once you get used to it, you can feel it making you stronger, calming you down improving your quality of life. Regular empathy practice keeps you on the edge of your emotional fitness, but the benefits are enormous: an awareness of union that banishes loneliness, a natural ability to connect and relate to others, protection from idiot compassion, a wider, deeper life. As your empathy grows, you'll find that it's infinite and that through it, you transcend your isolation and find yourself at home in the universe. I promise, it'll do your heart good.

SOURCE

Dr. Martha Beck is the woman with the blueprint to stress-free living. She has her Ph.D. from Harvard, is a mother of three and works as a Life Coach. "She's one of the smartest women I know," says Oprah.

TAKE ME AS I AM

2006-03-23T11:03:00.000-05:00

Have you ever come across a blog post that spoke DIRECTLY to where you were at the moment? It's happened to me a couple of times but I have to say that this morning, I ran across one that had me jumping up and down. It came from CHCLT THOUGHT's page which I found while reading comments on CHARLES X page (it aint no secret that I'm addicted to reading blogs..im on medication for it so just keep me in your prayers..anyway) I liked it so much, I thought I'd share it so you'll have a better understanding of how and who I am. Anybody who really knows me can definitely co-sign on the fact that this is me WORD FOR WORD although the actual words came from CHCLT THOUGHTS btw make sure u check out her page b/c she is a truly a woman after my own heart..lol..kinda sorta in a round about way..well u know what I mean.

Just cause I'm cussing does not mean I'm cussing at you. It means im angry. Everything is not about you.
When my voice raises in a conversation, I am not yelling at you. Again I am angry. As with all my emotions i can not hide my anger it is evidence in my speech and facial expression. Everything is not all about you. (Do you see a pattern here?)
If I say leave me alone, let it go, I don't want to talk about it, or I'm ok (when obviously I'm not...Like i said my feelings will be all over my face.), let it go drop it. Now if you choose to continue asking me, after the 4-5 time, when i kirk out on you and raise my voice....its your own fault, I gave you ample time to let it be. I do this to keep from saying things I don't mean. I can be very verbally abusive when angry. Although I appreciate the concern, it'll be better that we talk about it, when i calm down....Trust me....
If you don't want to argue in public, then don't address me in public. I will give you the #3 warning. I advise that you back off.
I am not a Bitch, but I am moody. I can be the nicest person in the world till you cross me. As long as you stay on my good side, you won't feel my rath. But I dont hold grudges, so after I tell ya how I feel, I can let it go, if you can.
I am not you, so I dont think like you. I will take your advice, but that doesn't mean I will follow it. So don't get in your feelings, when i do me.
Despite my attitude, I am very sensitive. I may read somethings into what you say, that you did not mean. I can't help that. So when I ask for clarification, just give it to me. So I'm not mad or hurt for no reason.
I ask alot of questions, because I'm nosey and interested. If you dont wanna answer just say so. Dont lie to me, I hate liers. None of your business, is an applicable response on any day.
Sometimes I just ask questions to see your response, if you avoid the question (as apposed to telling me, you dont wanna answer), it makes me more inquisitive and you look suspect.
I also ask questions I already know the answer to; that way I know when I'm dealing with a lier. I won't call you on it, or make a big deal out of it. Its enough that I know you're lying, you can continue to think you're running game if you like.
I only answer questions that are asked. Its not my fault you asked the wrong question. So if you really want to know something, I suggest you use the right words.

THANK YOU CHCLT THOUGHT'S I COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER!!

MY VACATION TO PRAGUE!

2006-03-20T18:13:00.000-05:00

We're back! I had a wonderful time in cold ass Prague. (for the slow people thats in one of the coldest parts of Europe) I knew it would be a little chilly but I figured since I'm from Chicago...I aint scared of no cold weather. Boy was I kinda fooled...whew but in spite of the cold, I really had a fantastic time. The people were soooooooo nice.

We stayed in the Prague Hilton and let me tell you.....you dont know EXCELLENT service until you've stayed at a Prague Hilton. I mean EVERY DAMN BODY from the maids to the front desk staff to the security guards opening doors offered better service than I've EVER seen in the US. (and I have been a few places..both HIGH & LOW!! LOL!!!)

The only downside to the trip was that Rodney got sick the last couple of days so I had to pull out my Doctor costume and perform a few of my special tricks (wink wink) to make him feel better. Other than that....it was a great vacation...

oh yea...for more details on our trip check out Rodney's post where he talks about the lack of people of color. (which i will say was another slightly down side of the trip but i wasnt too bothered cuz how many people of color you know visiting the Czech Republic especially around this time of the year?)

TGIF! IT'S TIME FOR A VACATION

2006-03-10T19:04:00.000-05:00

Damn its been a long ass week! I know Im not the only one who feels like this. I cant be..I had fly to New Jersey and NYC this week to do Brown Knows business. (gotta pay the bills) I'm actually feeling quite proud of myself because the interview workshop I did yesterday was absolutely the BEST one since I started the company a year ago. The participants were fantastic and attentive. Most of all, I saw little lightbulbs going off all over the room when we covered how to handle salary negotiations. I did an experiement where I asked all 30 ppt to tell me and the class what there minimum salary requirement were. Just as I thought..98% of the class totally LOWBALLED themselves sometimes by thousands of dollars. I LOVE an opportunity to make a difference and help candidates be successful at playing the career game. As I broke the whole salary process down into terms they related to and offered various tool/strategies to help them I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and fulfillment because I knew without a shadow of a doubt they ALL GOT IT! Whew! Now i think I have an idea how my teacher/professor friends feel when their student make them proud!! The feedback from the evaluations had me in tears. EVERY SINGLE EVALUATION was EXCELLENT!

So yea Im on a great high (not drug related for the record..lol) although I know most of it is attributed to the fact that my baby and I are leaving tommorow for our first vacation. We're going to PRAGUE FOR ONE WEEK!! I'm soooo excited b/c we both really really really need this break. NO! Ive never been to PRAGUE and NO! I dont know what to expect (besides cold ass weather) but thats the beauty of it and I'm lookin forward to it. Oh yea b4 yall start thinking I'm a baller..I probaly need to let you know that NO! I didnt/dont have to pay for this trip. Just know that GOD IS GOOD (and so is my partner..SHOUTOUT TO U BOO!!)..anyway I digress..sooooo what that means is this is probaly gonna be my last post until March 18th when we get back with all the pictures and stories etc....pray for us that we'll have a safe flight and that we dont get kidnapped by the terrorist...lol

I know Ive been neglecting my page over the last couple of months but life has been happening in a way that moved blogging down on my priority list but trust me after the vacation...I'll be FULLY LOADED and READY for WHATEVA!!

One more thing before I go... can I just say one more time that I LOVE Dr. Robin Smith (the new black resident therapist on the Oprah Show) If you didnt get to see today's show...u missed a treat...I LOVE HER PATIENCE, HONESTY and GENUINE CONCERN for the people she is helping. I always wanted to be a therapist but I dont have the patience for the school stuff. Each time I see her, I think to myself 'If I was a therapist, Dr. Robin is the example I'd be more than honored to follow and I LOVE HER!!!..

Be good next week and ill see ya when I get back...unless of course I find a way to do an international post.

FIRST, LAST & NOW

2006-03-05T17:48:00.000-05:00

FIRST
First job: Cant remember the name of the company but a summer job when I was 15.
First screen name: mininavi06 (mini=minister is my line name, navi=navigator was my position on my pledge line, 06=1906 the year my fraternity was founded)
First funeral: One of the members of my parents church I dont remember her name.
First pet: A cat named Crystal
First piercing: Left ear
First tattoo: my name on my right shoulder 6 years ago
First credit card: Capital One Visa
First kiss: Sixth grade, a cute girl named Elizabeth who ended up being my first girlfriend.
First enemy: A short ass ugly boy named Jarvis when I was in eighth grade who used to taunt me daily until I beat his ass in the boys bathroom in front of all his friends.

LAST
Last car ride: Last night from the love of my life.
Last kiss: Last night from the love of my life
Last movie watched: Guess Who's Coming To Dinner (one of the best films Ive ever seen)
Last beverage drank: I finished a glass of refreshing fruit punch about 5 mins ago.
Last phone call: Earlier this morning from my pledge son Jamal
Last time showered: This morning
Last CD played: LaShun Pace - Just Because God Said It (its Sunday and that was my church)
Last website visited: The one I stole this from

NOW
Single or taken: Taken by the love of my life
Gender: Man
Birthday: Two weeks ago
Sign: Pisces
Siblings: Four brothers, two sisters i'm the 2nd oldest
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Wearing: Absolutely NOTHING!
Drinking: Absolutely nothing (see last drink)
Thinking about: Sleep
Listening to: Sarah Vaughn "How High The Moon" from her 'Live @ Mr. Kelleys album

AND I AM TELLING YOU, YOU'RE GONNA LUV THIS!

2006-03-04T01:36:00.000-05:00

So if you haven't heard by now that production is in full swing for the new DREAMGIRLS movie starring:

BEYONCE'
{My Baby's Mother - refer to THIS POST if you need clarification}

&

JENNIFER HUDSON
{The girl who's definitely gonna make Ms. Knowles work for the Oscar nomination that I know they'll both be up for after this film}

If you were born in the late 70s (like me) or later, you (like me) missed out on the chance to see the original Broadway production when it ran in the early 80's. The amazing Tony Award winning cast included Sheryl Lee Ralph (Beyonce's role in the new film), Loretta Devine and the real star of the show, the PHENOMENAL Jennifer Holliday.

I've heard for many years how her performance shut the house down every night! Of course I've been looking for footage from the original show everywhere. (i.e. ebay etc) to no avail. I've found other productions that included other people but NOTHING from the original show. Obviously we're living in a different age b/c had this been done in the 90's we would have it on DVD by now..but anyway I digress...

Earlier this week, I was checking out one of my new favorite sites YOUTUBE.COM and I stumbled upon a TREASURE that I feel OBLIGATED to share. I found footage from the original production. In fact, I found Jennifer Holliday singing the song that's made her famous 'And I Am Telling You'....I know, I know....I was jumping up and down and I'm sure I've watched this clip about 50 times since I found it.

Of course I'm gonna share it with yall not only b/c I love my readers :) but mostly b/c it will give you an idea of the big shoes Beyonce and Jennifer have to fill. As I said before, there have been plenty of other smaller versions of this show with various people including Frenchie Davis (another American Idol reject) playing the role of Effie (thats the Jennifer Holiday role for the slow folks)

To make this interesting, I'm sharing 3 different versions of the same scenes (including the original) Which one do you think is the best? Leave a comment letting me know.

1. THIS IS THE ORIGINAL. (lookout for Sheryl Lee Ralph and a much slimmer Lorreta Devine)

2. THIS IS JUST A STAGE READING OF THE SHOW STARRING BROADWAY ICON LILLIAS WHITE. (lookout for Heather Headley)

3. THIS IS A WEST COAST PRODUCTION STARRING FRENCHIE DAVIS

BONUS - HERE'S MORE FOOTAGE FROM THE ORIGINAL SHOW

2006-03-01T22:36:00.000-05:00

THE BLOGGER WHO MADE ME CRY...and a FEW OTHER NEW BLOGS I'M LOVIN....

Wassup loyal BBBJr readers and everybody else! I know its been a little while since my last post but we talked about what that means a few post ago. (for the new people it means I'm working through some shit) Things are good on this end and I cant complain b/c in spite of any madness I encounter throughout this thing I call my life...I know that things could be worse so I just work through it. With the help of the creator and the love of my life. My birthday was a blast I wont bore you with the details just know that a good time was had by all.

Most of you already know I'm a blog reading fanatic! I use it as one of my stress relievers and it works very well for me. I check every page on my blogroll daily and although I dont always leave a comment, please know that I was there and your post (regardless to how silly,sad, angry, funny, boring etc) was read and processed. Anyway i digress....so there is one blog page that I was introduced to via Charles X page that has really shaken my foundation. First of all, this blogger is a BRILLIANT writer and he is only 16 damn years old. When I first read that, I thought to myself "this is a fraud, some old ass man perpetrating like he 16 trying to find dates" but the more I read the more I gagged and realized that yes he really is 16 years old but clearly he (like his self proclaimed twin Mr. X) is really an old soul trapped in a 16 year olds body.

I'm talking about non other than Mr. Marz himself and if you havent already tapped into this precious resource of a mind you are missing a treat. Tonight I happen to stop by his page and I noticed a section he calls 'Martian Literature Awards' I ran across a post he did a while ago entitled 'THE DAY I PRE-CAME OUT' and as I read it I started crying and couldnt stop. I havent finished it b/c it brought up way too many emotions that I'm not in a space to deal with right now but I highly encourage you to check it out. Read it when you have some time because its pretty long but keep in mind as you read it that this was written by a 16 year old who was 14 at the time. I only wish I had the clarity he has about who he is at his age. He hasnt even scratched the surface of his potential but when he does......yall aint gonna be ready cuz i sure aint. Shoutout to Marz for being an amazing human being who carries the strength of our ancestors with pride and dignity. When I grow up I want to be just like you!! Keep ya head up man...and always remember somebody loves you baby!

While we're on the subject of blogs I discovered via somebody elses page. Shoutout to Dayne who I found via Trent's page and Corrie J who I found via Virginia Slim's page. They've all been added to BBBJr blogroll and I encourage you to check them out for yourselves. It's definitely worth the read.

Lastly, since we're on the subject of reading.......make sure you check me out acting a damn fool again this week as a guest on Trent's Witty Wendsday Audio Post. I had a few things on my chest that had to get released and well who else could I get it all out with in true dramatic fashion than fellow pisces Trent....beware its a MESS!! ok thats all for now folks...stay grateful till next time...

oh yeah one more thing..to the blogger who sent me the update regarding Minister Walker....thanx for that but im not interested in a press release with him denying the rumors....im much more interested in a press release with his wife Monique denying the rumors. This story has been around for a couple of years now but somehow it finally made it to print. Please know that I've heard from VERY reliable sources who are VERY close to this situation that this story is true for the most part. Granted a few details might have been altered for dramatic effect but underneath the drama the truth remains. I'm reminded of a saying my mother always told us when we were younger.....'nothing hid wont be revealed sooner or later'..but thanx a lot for passing on the info..i do appreciate it.

2006-02-19T05:20:00.000-05:00

GUESS WHAT FOLKS??????

THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY 100TH POST & I'M VERY EXCITED!!!!!

WHAT MAKES THIS EXTRA SPECIAL FOR ME IS......IM CELEBRATING MY 29th BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND IN NYC...(for the record,MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY IS TUESDAY DA 21ST...BUT YALL KNOW IM STILL URBAN AND URBAN PEOPLE CELEBRATE BIRTHDAYS 4 DAMN NEAR A WEEK)...

ANYWAY I DIGRESS.......SO TO CELEBRATE THIS SIGNIFICANT MILESTONE HERE @ THE SOMETIMES CRAZY, COMPLICATED AND UNPREDICTABLE WORLD OF BOBBY BROWN JR, I WANNA SHARE.......

06' RANDOM THOUGHTS THAT ARE MY HEAD AT THIS MOMENT (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

I'm happy to report that the MOVE IS FINALLY OVER!!!! ~ We are now residents of Lexington Park, Maryland. The apartment is HOT TO DEATH and includes a wonderful fireplace. What that means is that I'm now OFFICIALLY a suburbanite for the 1st time in my life and I dont know how to deal with that just yet....Its definitely gonna take some serious adjustment but I'm up for it. When I tell u there aint SHIT out where we are except Walmart, Target, Best Buy and thats about it. NOTHING is walking distance and the people are too damn friendly. I'm missing the city ALREADY!!! (we live about 90 minutes outside DC) To make matters worse, my cellphone gets NO reception in our apartment and I spent this entire week in SOLITUDE!! (NO PHONE, NO INTERNET, NO CABLE...AHHHHHHHHHH!!!) I damn near LOST MY MIND!!! But somebody say GOD IS GOOD and things are looking up!! And the more I think about it....the more I'm starting to see that the suburbs arent that bad afterall....

If you havent checked out my guest appearance on Trent's Witty Wednesday Audio Post...make sure you check it out. Before you listen, let me prepare you for my "off the chain candor" Trent and I were in rare formation and I had a lot of fun doing this. I cant wait till next time. Shoutout to Trent....(how you doing Shirley? I got a nice beatdown waiting for you when I see you for playing that goddamn Bobby Brown song....we had that conversation)...guess all the working out is affecting your hearing...keep it cute Sunshine and i'll holla...

Am I the only one NOT AT ALL impressed with the new crop of ladies who'll be competing for the now not so coveted title of America's Next Top Model....its all good...one less show for me to keep up with. It's bad enough we had to suffer through Twiggy's boring ass last season.....Note to Tyra...I'm Losing My Patience!

Here's more very self explanatory evidence why the ridiculous religious argument many people use to condemn homosexuality holds absolutely NO WEIGHT in my world. courtesy of mediatakeout

Pentecostal minister Hezekiah Walker, one of the most renowned Black ministers in the nation, is a reported homosexual. This startling revelation has come out during his extremely bitter divorce from his longtime wife Monique. According to sources close to the divorce, Monique Walker suspected that something was awry when her husband infected her with a sexually transmitted disease. After confronting Pastor Walker about the disease, he reportedly admitted to carrying on an affair with a man who wears women's clothing and a blond wig. Sources claim that Walker then forced his wife and children from their home so that he could live in peace with his transvestite lover.
Pastor Walker's down-low lifestyle is particularly shocking given that he has been an outspoken critic of homosexual lifestyles. A member of Pastor Walker's congregation seemed relieved about the news, explaining that she's "glad the cat is finally out of the bag." According to the woman, "many churchgoers left the church because of all the rumors [concerning Pastor Hezekiah Walker's sexuality], and hopefully now the Pastor will step down and the church members can come back."Hezekiah Walker is probably best known for his gospel recordings which earned him 2 Grammy Awards and 10 nominations. He also performed alongside Mariah Carey during last weeks Grammy Awards.

If you didnt see Oprah on Friday, you owe it to yourself to find a way to see it. The theme of the show was 'The Debt Diet' and I'm very excited to start my diet next week. Visit www.oprah.com for more info.

Last but certainly not least, my birthday weekend has gotten of to a WONDERFUL start! It started with DLB's Friends & Lovers Book Discussion. (shoutout to Derrick L Briggs) Although I was late getting there after traveling over 4 hours from Maryland, I THOROUGHLY enjoyed the event. I wont share all the details b/c the room was FULL of bloggers that I'm sure are preparing post about it. I cant wait till the next event. After the discussion, I met a group of some of my closest friends at Second on Second Karoake restaurant & Bar. Shoutout to No4real4real, Rodney and Terry for helping me celebrate my birthday with FABULOUS time (including my wacky rendition of Erykah Badu's On & On) Also I gotta send a special shoutout to Divo for the wonderful birthday greeting he left on my voicemail. I'll be in NYC till Tuesday so I'm definitely looking forward to celebrating for the next couple of days. I'll try to post some pics when its all over. Hope you're all having a great weekend!! Remember to stay grateful!

2006-02-10T13:25:00.000-05:00

Bobby's Weekly Conciousness Tune-up
This Week : I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH
Week of Feburary 10th - February 16th

(Note: This weeks tune-up contains excerpts from one of the Kabbalah Weekly Consciousness Tune-ups prepared by Yehuda Berg that I receive via email each week)

Last week I wrote about not holding others accountable for our own shortcomings and problems. Yesterday I received an email from a student who responded:

"When I began my Kabbalah studies I was loaded with hatred and anger towards my family for the way they raised me. But after going through the Power of Kabbalah Level 2 course, I took ownership and realized my soul needed those experiences. So, now that I am no longer blaming, how can I apply the Tune Up to my life?"

I thought it would be appropriate for me to share my response with all of you:

"Stopping to blame others is only the first step. To truly release blame from your mindset, you need to stop blaming yourself. The same voice inside you that screams, 'I hate my mom, I can’t believe what she did to me all those years' is also the voice that says, 'I hate myself, I screwed up again, I'll never finish this project, I'll never make this relationship last' and other such defeating thoughts."

The gift of this week is the increased ability to recognize how ineffective beating yourself up is. If you tune into your internal dialogue, you'll become aware of how often you are blaming yourself for one thing or the other. It's essential to have this awareness because the kabbalists explain the most important focus is the mind. It controls everything.

The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.

Imagine hearing a good friend talk badly about himself. When someone I care about comes to me and says, 'I am not good enough,' immediately disagree and point out their good points. I patiently give them love and help them see that, despite their shortcomings, they contain the spark of God within and, therefore, can do anything. Why can't we do that for ourselves?

This week the Light of the Creator is nudging us towards a finer awareness of our stinkin' thinkin'. This week we can turn ourselves into our own best friends. This week we can give ourselves a warm embrace and say, 'I am more than enough.' We are so used to convincing ourselves why we're not skinny enough to meet our soul mate, strong enough to stay connected spiritually, smart enough to make more money, that we stop trying. Repeating in your mind "I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH" twists the downer thoughts to the upside.

Before you leave this tune up and dive back into your hectic life, please, please, tattoo these words onto your brain and repeat them every time you notice the negative loop running again: I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH!!! I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH!!! I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!

2006-02-09T12:55:00.000-05:00

THURSDAY RAMBLINGS

I'm still bugging over the fact that my birthday is in 12 days (Feb. 21st) Since my bday falls on a Tuesday, Im thinking I might have to celebrate the weekend b4 it. I'll probally go to NY and hang out since I'll be going to DLB's bookclub discussion anyway. Who knows...anyway I'm not really planning anything huge this year cuz I'm saving all the bells and whistles for my big 30th next year. Whew thats gonna be an affair to remember!!

So I watched the Grammys and Tivo'd American Idol last night. Since everybody else has commented on the Grammys, I'll keep mine to a minimum...

Madonna was EXCELLENT!!
Mariah was OUTSTANDING!!
Michelle (from DC-3) looked a HOT ASS MESS!!!!

She looked like Whitney from the 'How Will I Know' video in red

They robbed Mariah and Kanye of the best awards and I could have done without the 100th same rendition of Ordinary People....although I'm glad John Legend won.

For a hilarious moment by moment recap check out this post

Moving on to American Idol....Overall I WAS NOT AMUSED!!! I hope they can pull some talent out of this worthless group within the next few weeks or I will not be watching this season. PERIOD.

Ok so how many of you saw Dave Chappelle on Oprah Friday? Was that not one of the best hours on TV? (next to her slicing James Frey into a million little pieces a couple of weeks ago which I'm still upset with her for but thats another post) He was so RAW and OPEN and I couldnt believe she played excerpts from that skit he did mocking her. Was I the only one who thought he was a little high during that interview? Think he might have had a slight little bump or a little pick me up before he came out there...but maybe its just me...

Moving on to Corettas funeral...Can we agree that the knives were OUT and SHARPENED and poor idiot I mean President Bush was definitely in the war zone. And although I thought the service was moving especially Maya Angelou's remarks, I cant help but wonder if Coretta would have really wanted her service held in a congregation where the pastor and her daughter preach HATE against gay people when she made it a point with her life to fight against homophobia and discrimination based on sexual orientation. I cant imagine that she would have been pleased with that decision but if you know anything about the money hungry King children ( i have some special insight into their greedy ways) this is not surprising.

Hmm what else.....oh yea so my ex-girlfriend reads my blog and I've mentioned her once before when I found out she was blogging and had included me in one of her post. Although its been over 5 years since we broke up, we've remained friends but have never had the whole sexuality conversation. Yea Yea Yea I know what you're thinking...and Yes she read the confirmation post and Yes she emailed me with the subject line...'THIS BETTER NOT BECOME BLOG FODDER' yea yea yea I ignored the email for a week cuz I wasnt even ready to deal with more issues but when I finally got up the nerve to read it....I was PLEASANTLY surprised!! In an effort to respect her privacy, I wont share the details but I will share this part because I think it sums up the whole (LONG ASS) email she sent me.

Today Bobby, I am proud of the person that you have become. You have struggled and maintained. You have fallen and gotten back up. I will forever admire your tenacity. You are truly something special. When I think back to April 2001, I will forever be grateful to you being a part of my life. You taught me more about me than perhaps you will ever know. I have watched your metamorphosis. Your inner struggle becoming an outward struggle. I can tell from your writings that you are in a different place.

This is a special message just for her because I know she's reading.

Thank you for loving me for me and you have no idea how much your words touched my heart. I LOVE YOU!!

ok folks thats all for now...until next time....21 more days until im 29 years old....whew Im getting old.....

2006-02-03T23:49:00.000-05:00

THE HEALING THAT NEVER COMPLETELY ENDS

When I said I was sick as hell last week, I was referring to both physically and emotionally. I dont think I realized how sharing so much of myself via my last post and trying to deal with everything else going on in my life right now (family issues, moving etc) would affect me in such a big way but it did. It was definitely a brutal reminder that healing is an ongoing process. Sometimes we think we've dealt with all the pain related to certain issues from our past but the creator has a funny way of showing us in his own (sometimes painful) way that we are ALL a work in progress.

The cliffnotes version of what happened to me was after my last post, a LOT of old emotions came back to me (in a not so good way). I'm talking about the HEAVY stuff (like the sexual abuse, the father stuff, the sexuality stuff..etc) Let me also say that the post is not completely responsible for my lil breakdown. A part of the ongoing family crisis I'm still in the midst of dealing with is directly related to sexual abuse so yea its been a rough couple of weeks. Throw in trying to move to a new city, find a job, manage a relationship...i think u get my point...

But you know what? In spite of it all....im still SMILING & most of all I'm still GRATEFUL!! Regular BBBJr readers already know that when I'm in the midst of what I called a "thunderstorm", one of major sources I use as a part of my healing is music. More often than not, an inspirational song usually does the trick.....I found a song on Yolanda Adams new album that spoke to my situation and helped me work through the pain and I want to pass it on cuz its definitely become one of my new favs...I think the title of the song is I used as a major part of my healing is "It's Gonna Be Nice" The words to the chorus are

It's Gonna Be Nice, Its Gonna Be Nice, Whatever's in store for me, It's Gonna be Nice, Its Crazy right now Lord but thats when you shine...I can start shouting knowing its gonna be nice

whew..Ok this is one of the time where I wish I had the whole audioblog thing like Trent so I could play the song but i still aint figured that out yet...

I really appreciate ALL of the kinds words of encouragement and get well wishes. I've grown so attached to this whole blogging thing (which obviously includes YOU my blog family :) Even when I wasnt feeling well or feeling like blogging, I still read the BBBJr Blogroll pages every damn day. Once again I have to send a special shoutout to Charles X for helping me get out of my funk via his Alecia Keys post. Boy u are really a damn fool and I'm gonna need u to get back on your meds asap.

I'm sorry for staying away so long and I'm gonna try very hard not to do it again but regular BBBJr readers already know that when I'm not posting....Im working through some shit..so just pray for me. I know, i know I said shit and prayer within two sentences...Work through it...Damn so much shit has happened since my last post so you can definitely multiple post days over the next week. Thanks again for caring about me and I'm glad to be back....STAY GRATEFUL!

2006-01-26T14:05:00.000-05:00

IM SICK AS HELL & I'VE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR THE LAST 3 DAYS...:( SO BARE WITH ME AND AS SOON AS I FEEL BETTER...ILL BE BACK!! IN THE MEANTIME WHAT KINDA BLOGGER ARE YOU? HERE'S MINE

Your Blogging Type is Kind and Harmonious

You're an approachable blogger who tends to have many online friends.People new to your blogging circle know they can count on you for support.You tend to mediate fighting and drama. You set a cooperative tone.You have a great eye for design - and your blog tends to be the best looking on the block!

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

Weekly Consiousness Tuneup -The Value of Meaning

2006-01-20T23:39:00.000-05:00

Bobby's Weekly Conciousness Tune-up
This Week : THE VALUE OF MEANING
Week of January 20th - January 26th

{Honestly, this tune-up is more personal than anything I've shared since I started blogging. The post is a little long but I promise you if you read it with an open mind and an open heart free from judgment, you'll get something that might help you. I've wanted to share this for a while. Hopefully you'll understand even more about what its like being bobby brown jr.}

As I've stated previously, I think it's just as important to work out your mind as it is to work out your body. I'm constantly looking for tools, classes etc to feed my spirit and nurture my mind. As I've also shared I use things like Kaballah, inspirational music and meditation as methods to keep me sane in this sometimes crazy world. Back in 1999, I took part in a 4-day personal development seminar/course that literally changed my life. I will not say what the course was for a couple of reasons including the fact that I'm not endorsing the company/course without some sort of compensation..lol..ok Im kidding but seriously, what I got from this course was very personal for me (stay tuned for a future post about this) and I dont want to put it out there, create unrealistic hopes and expectations and basically set people up to be pissed off. However if you email me personally, Ill pass the info along.

This week, I want to share one of MAJOR lessons I got from the course that has changed my life in ways I could never put into words. The easiest way for me to articulate the concept is to offer a practical example from my life that I hope will give you a better understanding of how this simple principle works. Basically I learned how to understand and manage the value of meaning in my life. This will make more sense after I share this example.

(MY DAD)

Ive talked a previously about my very strict religious upbringing. When I was about 7 years old, I remember being a church one Sunday and hearing one of the brothers tell my father "You might wanna start working with lil bobby on that walk and some of his mannerisms cuz I can already see that sweet spirit manifesting itself in him. He has a little switch that needs to be worked on before he gets older. You can definitely tame it if you catch right now." My father listened but never really said anything. The only thing I heard him say was "Thanks brother, I'll definitely work on that" At that moment, I made that mean that something was wrong with me b/c my father didnt defend me.

From that moment on, my mission in life became all about proving to my father that nothing was wrong with me. I started with trying to change the way that I walked. I would spend hours walking back and forth in the basement trying hard to fix whatever switch was there. I became an overachiever in school (mind you i was in elementary school) never settling for anything less than an A, or the president of the student council or the lead in the school play or the valedictorian of the class. However no matter how much I achieved, I still didnt get the approval that I needed from my father to prove that nothing was wrong with me (which is what I so desperately wanted). The more he didnt acknowledge that nothing was wrong with me, the more bitter I became towards him and more importantly myself. You might be thinking...'the fact that you were an overachiever is a good thing' and you are right to a certain extent. The problem with this way of living is that b/c that thought was so lodged into my psyche, I started to believe it...anything that happened in my life that was close enough for me to add as confirmation that something was wrong with me, pushed me deeper and deeper into bitterness, anger and hopelessness. I sought the approval in relationships, sex and anything else I could find to prove to myself that nothing was wrong with me. It was a journey that led me to a brick wall that I bumped my head into plenty of times before I realized what was happening.

So heres the thing (and I need you to pay very close attention to what I'm about to say) I had to first distinguish between WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED...& WHAT I MADE THAT MEAN ABOUT ME...

WHAT HAPPENED...
A brother from the church mentioned something he thought would be helpful to my father about me.

WHAT I MADE THAT MEAN ABOUT ME...

I made that mean that something was wrong with me. Partly b/c my father had always said for as long as I can remember that if any of his sons turned out to be gay he would break a broom across their back. Nevermind the COUNTLESS sermons I'd heard week after week condemning homosexuals to the lake of fire. (but thats another post entirely) my point is at 7 years old, I didnt want to be the thing my father and the church despised so much. I also made that mean that b/c something was wrong with me, my father didnt love me enough to defend me as I expected and thought he should have. As a result, I hated my father with every fiber of my being in fact I wanted him to die a slow death. For about 5-6 years, we had NO relationship (which is pretty sad since I'm his Jr. and look just like him) I felt like he taught me to hate myself from the time I was 7 b/c I always knew I was different. I never distinguished it as gay I just knew I was different.

THE REALITY

Expections that havent been clearly communicated (to both parties) can set you up to be upset. My father had no idea how much that situation affected me because I never told him. (after all I was 7 damn..lol) I also didnt tell him at the time that I expected him to defend me and the reality as hard as it might be for some of u to accept is HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT MY EXPECTATIONS WERE..so how could I hold him accountable for not fulfilling it?...just sit with that for a few minutes and let it digest....

You (like I) would want to ASSUME that as a parent, he would have known better but the reality is he didnt mostly b/c he didnt really know how to be a parent. (which is another post) He did the very best he knew how and I have no doubt in my mind that if he would have known better, he would have done better. (took me a LONG time to accept that)

After I GOT this lesson, I began to apply it my everyday life and it's completely changed the way I view life problems, people etc. It has helped me work through shit I never thought I could get through like being emotionally, physically and sexually abused. Here's another brief example of how this helped me...

WHAT HAPPENED
From age 8 -11 I was abused by an asshole at the church I was raised in who took advantage of my innocence...

WHAT I MADE THAT MEAN ABOUT ME

First, considered it more confirmation that something was definitely wrong with me. I started believing that I wasnt good enough to be left alone like the rest of the kids and the abuse was gods curse on me for being different. I also felt like I wasnt loveable or worthy of love b/c I was the thing everybody hated so much.

THE REALITY

An asshole took advantage of me and it had NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with him. I'm still loveable and worthy of love. I had to realize that its not up to me to carry the pain of what he did b/c god already has his punishment taken care of. I had to first free myself of the pain so that I could have more space to love and experience it unconditionally.

THIS WEEK

Try it on for yourself

1. Take some time and reflect over your life. (I really want you to think about some of the things you've attempted to push out of your memory. You have to trust that once you conquer this..you'll be a different (BETTER) person)

2. For each situation (tramatic or not) separate WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED (without the theatrics or the drama) and WHAT YOU MADE THAT MEAN ABOUT YOU (Be completely honest with yourself regardless to how painful it feels..i promise it gets better)

3. Think about how your life changed once you made that declaration about yourself. (paying attention to how you are in relationships, how you relate to people, you thoughts about being in love, being loved, giving love etc)

4. Accept the reality (where necessary) that whatever happened had nothing to do with you. Forgive yourself for allowing those feelings to go on for so long and make a consious effort to reshape your thinking about meaning

5. This week, practice evaluating situations that challenge you. .stop and ask yourself..WHAT HAPPENED?...WHAT DID I MAKE/AM I MAKING THAT MEAN ABOUT ME?....believe it or not WE HAVE CONTROL OVER MEANING AND HOW WE LET IT CONTROL OUR LIVES...its a lot simpler than most people want you to believe.

For example, society tells us it takes years to get over abuse, a lost loved one, a broken heart..etc..the reality is it takes as long as we CHOOSE to let it take...make sure you tune in 2 weeks from now for Therapy Tuesdays with Bobby..(the topic is "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do... A Very Practical Guide to Getting Over A Broken Relationship and Freeing Up The Space To Love and Be Loved Again"

BTW..I CANT END THIS WITHOUT SHARING HOW I WORKED THINGS OUT WITH MY DAD

Some of you will probaly trip over how simple it was to fix over 20 years of serious hate but I wanna share this because I really hope it helps at least one person clean up a damaged relationship (whether its a family member or not)

I actually had an authentic damn near 5 hour conversation with my father where I explained pretty much everything I've shared here. I told him about how the conversation I overheard when i was 7 made me feel and how it affected me. But here is the thing, I had to approach this conversation differently in order to make it work b/c I'd attempted to talk to him plenty of times (including writing him a venom filled letter that I had delivered on Fathers day 1996) and shit always blew the fuck up!!

This time instead of talking about how all the shit he did to me throughout my childhood fucked me up, I took responsibility for my part in why we had a fucked up relationship. Yea I to acknowledge my part in it cuz it takes 2 people to communicate. Throughout the convo, I never blamed him for anything and didnt bring up any of the crazy shit he did to me as a child (b/c the reality is he already knows that..it aint my place to remind him).

THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON IT WORKED WAS BECAUSE I RELEASED ANY EXPECTATIONS I MIGHT HAVE HAD. (THIS WAS THE HARDEST PART AND I CAN ADMIT IT WAS THE SCARIEST THING I EVER DID) When I say I released the expectation, I mean I didnt go into the convo with the hopes that he would say "I understand where u are coming from" or "I never meant to hurt you" or "I'm proud of you"...NO EXPECTATIONS..This required me to be at peace with whatever was meant to be...would be....and that included whether or not we would be able to have a relationship.

The SINGLE INTENTION was to free myself of the pain. I had to trust myself to know I'd be ok...Here's the thing you have to understand about having these sort of conversations with any sort of attachments or expections...if the other person has not been made aware of your expectations (i mean you've told him/her I expect u to apologize and take responsibility) you CANNOT hold the person responsible for not fulfilling them. PERIOD! They still havent invented mind reading degrees...and your common sense is just that...YOUR COMMON SENSE...u cant assume the other person should/would know what you need from them.

The other important key to making this work for you is understanding that it doesnt take having a conversation with the other person to clean it up. Remember it aint about them...its all about YOU... Some people aren't ready for the conversation and some of us aint ready to deliver the conversation. But you have to FREE YOURSELF OF THE PAIN...so try writing a letter (that way u dont have to deal with body language and you also lesson the expectation factor) the key is to find a way to get it off yourself. Free up that space...use whatever works for you

Believe it or not...the conversation with my father was the best conversation Ive had in my life thus far. I honestly feel like that night, I was introduced to the father I never allowed myself to get to know and our relationship has never been the same. NO..he is NOT my best friend and we aint like Itchy and Scratchy but we have a better understanding of each other and despite the madness that was my childhood...I love him....What also helped me was finding (as hard as it was) POSITIVE things about my personality/life that I got from him. Also giving him the benefit of a doubt as a human being who is not perfect. Thus far, I still count this as the greatest accomplishment of my life.

It is my sincere hope that this helps at least one person. If you need clarification on how this could possible work for you...feel free to email me..

2006-01-20T08:07:00.000-05:00

A NEW BLOGGER, BBBJr's BLOG ENTRY OF THE WEEK & CONFIRMATION (since you really wanna know): A Beautiful Surprise

Terez & I @ Black & Gold Ball '02

Please join me in welcoming one of my lovely sorors Terez (who also happens to be a very good friend of mine)to blogland. In addition to being a distinguished member of the Beautiful Beta Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc, she's the current Ms. Black Illinois. We attended Depaul University in Chicago together and have known each other for about 5 years now. She has a wonderful personality and a sparkling infectious smile. She's been added to the BBBJr Blogroll so be sure to stop by her page and show her some love. But before you visit her page, I should warn you that she's a REAL AK A so its a whole lot of pink & green going on over there..lol...I love u Terez! Phi- Skee.....WELCOME!

BBBJr's BLOG ENTRY OF THE WEEK

I know its been a while since I last chose a Blog Entry of The Week winner but I'm slowly but surely working my way back to being the Bobby Brown Jr. I'm accustomed too..lol..anyway..I chose this week's entry b/c I've talked about how much I absolutely LOVE the blog page of Charles X. He actually holds a very special place in my heart for several reasons..mainly b/c by reading his hilarious page, i was able to work/laugh my way through a very difficult period at the beginning of this year.

I still cant believe he's only 18 years old....his maturity reminds me of how I mustve been at his age. Honestly, I cant remember exactly how I was but I know I had to be mature since I would have been living on my own for 3 years by my 18th birthday but i digress....I admire his maturity and the fact that he is not just aware, but proudly admits to being a fan of Ella Fitzgerald puts him in a different breed of cool in my book. I was hoping he would do an interview with the infamous Trent Jackson so I/we could get to see a glimpse of what goes on underneath that ridiculus humor.

Well folks..I got my wish..:) This week's Blog Entry of The Week is Trent Jackson's interview with Charles X...I thoroughly enjoyed the interview and it def made me like Charles even more. Trent was def on FIRE this week! Today's interview is his 3rd this week. He started the week off with a BANG!(aka my interview)Believe it or not I've gotten a LOT of feedback on the interview probaly b/c I was so candid. 99% of the feedback (via 50+ emails, comments etc) was VERY positive. I heard from people who were inspired by my ability to remain positive even though Ive been through some crazy shit. I was very encouraged and humbled by all of the love.

Here's the thing, (and I know yall can feel me on this) despite the overwhelming positive responses..for some reason the ONLY response I got with a negative tone initially stuck out the most. During the interview when asked "have you ever used drugs?" I said yes and went on to briefly explain my attitude/view about drugs. After the second question on the topic, I wasnt interested in discussing the issue anymore so i attempted to change the topic. You'll understand this better after you read the interview..keep in mind I NEVER said what drugs i've tried (which leaves the door open for hmmm prescription drugs..who knows..lol)and I made it a point to say I've never been addicted to ANY drug. This part of the interview probaly lasted less than 1 minute but wouldnt u know I recieved some feedback from ONE person critizing me for admitting to using drugs during the interview.

At first I was bothered by this until I sat with myself and really thought through it. I thought "out of ALL the things we talked about...thats the ONLY thing that stuck out to you...hmmm..sounds like you were looking for something to critique instead of just reading with an open mind and heart (without judgement)" I read back through some of the other mail I got and smiled to myself b/c as my favorite 3rd grade teacher used to say "DONT LET ONE BAD APPLE SPOIL THE BUNCH...THROW IT OUT AND KEEP ON MOVING"..GOT IT!!

Trent also did a fasinating interview yesterday with Quaheem (who also happens to be a member of the BBBJr Blogroll)Now I already liked this brother (hence him being on the blogroll) but this interview gave me a completely different yet very enlightening respect for this brilliant, introspective brother. People (especially black men) who manage to work through the major challenges life throws in our path each day with their heads held high...ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get my full admiration and respect. Quaheem..keep doing it and know that by sharing your story, you inspired somebody else not to give up and to push a little harder!

CONFIRMATION (since u really wanna know) 'A BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE'

You've heard me say on more than one occasion that I believe people in this country are WAY to concerned/interested in sexuality and I personally feel like it plays such a small role in the big picture of life. Several years ago, one of my mentors Borris Powell shared something with me that completely shaped my outlook on sexuality and helped me conquer the is he/isnt he demon. He told me to consider my sexuality/sexual preferance as ONE chapter of a book with more chapters than any human being would have the capacity to read. Now if you are completely honest with yourself, you know that reading ONE chapter of any book couldnt possibly tell you the whole story.

What that means for the slow people is sexuality/sexual preferance is only a PART (in a lot of cases like mine a very small part) of who I am. If you allow yourself to be blocked by that small part, unfortunately you lose out on a valuable opportunity to get to know a wonderful person who might be able to inspire you to be bigger than you know yourself to be. Perhaps that's why I LOVED what Rosie O'donnell did a few years ago.

If you recall she got a talk show...that became HUGELY popular! She engaged her audience in her life as a mother to show she was no different than any other mother...then she came out! In many of the interviews following her announcement to the world that she was gay she said "I wanted people to get to know me first before they attached the stigma that comes along with being gay to me. Its very hard to keep that same stigma and that same negative way of thinking after you've gotten to know somebody"

I LOVED THAT and decided to include that practice in my life. One thing I know for sure is people will ALWAYS suspect, but I've always made it a point to NEVER offer confirmation. That was until I fell in love with the person who Im excited about spending the rest of my life with. You need to understand that I was ANTI-LOVE, ANTI-RELATIONSHIP, ANTI-COMMITMENT before I met him partly b/c of my previous experience with relationships but mostly because deep down inside, I didnt believe a relationship between 2 men would work and even if it did I thought...the ideal mate that I wanted didnt exist.

Well, they always say be careful what you ask for and boy did I get EVERYTHING I wanted. I mean things were so perfect, I started to doubt it was really real. What I came to understand after about a year into the relationship (including a brief separation and a whole lot of unnecessary self-inflicted drama)was something that shook the core of my being. Although I had gotten EVERYTHING I always wanted in a mate, I was still struggling with and holding on to some self-hate/esteem issues that had me thinking I wasnt even worthy of being loved and having the love I wanted because I was in love with a man and that was of the devil and I was doomed to hell and well u get my point.

Once I realized what was happening and how I was FUCKING UP THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME..I immediately got busy with learning to love myself again. Loving myself for everything I am and everything i'm not with the FULL understanding that the creator doesnt make mistakes...if he wanted me to be somebody different and/or love somebody different...then guess what..I would be doing that by now..(trust me I prayed that prayer and had it prayed on me NUMEROUS time but the feelings didnt go away) btw...this is one of those post where I'm not interested in comments condemning homosexuals...use your page for that.

I guess I said all that to say this...I'm not ashamed to tell the world that I'm head over heals in love with Rodney Snell. He is the love of my life. He's the reason I smile even when shit in my life is going CRAZY b/c I know way down deep in the bottom of my soul that if NOBODY else in this world loves Bobby Brown Jr....he does and thats enough for me...India Arie has a song on her Voyage to India that explains exactly how i feel about him. btw...this is the VERY LAST TIME im addressing anything associated with my relationship on this page. YES, I'll be moving to Maryland with him. NO! I will not be discussing the high's and low's of our personal life. I chose to do this b/c we've both recieved a lot of questions from various bloggers wondering if we're together and the answer is YES. so do with that information whatever you see fit...finally in the words of my baby's mother (beyonce) and my S-hero (oprah winfrey)I leave you with these words about us "We are very happy together and we'd like to ask you to respect our privacy b/c neither of us is interested in sharing anything more than that" Have a WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!

"Beautiful Surprise"

It's like yesterday I didn't even know your name
Now today, You're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I feel this way
You are beautiful surprise
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn't even have a choice
You are a beautiful surprise
Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars
I don't know what the future holds
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are
You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You are a beautiful surprise
You are an inspiration to my life
You are the reason why I smile
You are a beautiful surprise

India Arie

2006-01-19T13:33:00.000-05:00

Random Ramblings on Thursday

Yea Yea Yea I changed the template again. I wasnt really feeling the last one and I wanted to honor the 100th year of my fraternity (hence the colors of black and gold) I really like this look so it'll be around for a little while. I hope you like it :)

My cellphone has officially died. It has been on life support the last couple of weeks so if you called me and didnt get a response that's why. I received a brand new one on yesterday but I dont have anybody's number anymore so please either email me your number (if i had it) or call me again. The new phone is HOT!

So although I vowed never to watch American Idol again after the fiasco that was last season, Im a sucker for talent shows and I watched both nights this week. Clearly the judges are in rare form this time around. I just cant understand why people act like making it past the first round is the best thing since sliced bread. Folks jumping up and down and crying like theyve won the competition already makes absolutely no sense to me. I have to say that Simon needs his ass beat for telling that poor guy that he should shave his beard and become a drag queen. I think that was a few steps past vicious especially for a young person who hasnt really started his life yet. I'm sure he's invested in some extra security b/c he definitely needs it this season.

Jamal and me
I've been in NYC all week and I'm very excited about the fact that my pledge son (fraternity brother) is coming from Arizona tonight. We havent seen each other since May so we are gonna party like its 1999 this weekend. And while we're on the subject of partying, do me a huge favor and stop by Rodney's page to congratulate him on his new job. He recently accepted a new position as the Associate Director of Student Life and multicultural Activities for a university in Maryland. I know firsthand how much he wanted this and how hard he worked for it so I'm very happy for him.

I actually turned down an offer this morning for a position that was interesting but the location was not and the money was not attractive enough for me to consider the commute. Please continue to keep my family in your prayers as the crisis has gone from bad to worse but I'm still very optimistic that things will work out.

Dont you hate it when somebody calls you and says "Somebody said you said...." I got one of those calls last night and I abruptly cut him off and told him (in my sisters words) DONT START YOUR SENTENCE WITH SOMEBODY TOLD ME...UNTIL U HEAR IT FROM ME, IT WASNT SAID..ugh..I really hate messy people. Especially messy people who dont have anything going on in their lives so they try to engage u in unnecessary drama. In case you hadnt notice by now I can stand by ANYTHING that comes out of my mouth. Yes I speak proper english but I'm from the HOOD..and I aint afraid to take it to the streets (if necessary although I try to avoid that option as much as possible) whew...ok I feel better and dont worry its not a blogger I'm talking about.

Last but not least I wanna send a special shoutout to all of the people on my blogroll. I wont call out names cuz I honestly read ALL of them everyday. I will call your attention to my friend Terry's page b/c next to Charles X and Trent, his page keeps me laughing. Aight thats it...till next time..

2006-01-17T14:36:00.000-05:00

Therapy Tuesday's with Bobby
This Week: Erase Yourself

Today we begin a new bi-weekly feature @ BBBJr called Therapy Tuesday's with Bobby. I decided to start this b/c I get a lot of emails/requests from people asking advice on how to handle various issues. Now before some of yall get excited trying to figure out where I get the nerve/credentials to be offering advice, please refer to the disclaimer on the side of the page.

I'd like to start this new segment off by sharing something I got via email last week from my Kabbalah listserv. It is pretty self explanatory but I also think it'll give you a better understanding of why/how I'm able to offer advice/coaching. btw..if you'd like me to address a specific issue in the upcoming weeks, feel free to email me at bobbybrownjr@gmail.com.

Lastly, if you havent checked out what has turn out to be my controversial interview with Trent Jackson please do so. For the record, I'm not a drug addict, never have been and lord willing never will be. PERIOD! (you have to read the interview to understand..lol) Shoutout to Trent Jackson...how u doin?? ok without further delay..here is ERASE YOURSELF

Erase Yourself
One of the most difficult parts of my work is giving advice to people. I am really honored when someone turns to me for help and support, but in the back of my mind I wonder, "Am I really the one who is supposed to provide the answers in this situation?"To make sure the answer is yes, I go through the following process.The first part is explained by Rav Ashlag in his book The Gift of the Bible. He says that when it comes to serious matters, before we speak to someone, we must first ask for heavenly permission. This means asking the Light force of the Creator, "Am I the one who should be the channel for this information? " In a spiritual sense, when a person is in front of me with a question or a problem, it’s as if the Light sent me to speak on its behalf. If I talk from my logical mind, I won’t be able to help the person to truly transform. As the saying goes, words from the heart penetrate the heart. By my willingness to admit that I am just a messenger, I am more inclined to get the right message. When I am talking, I make sure to check in with myself -- "Is it me speaking or the Light?" I do my best to remove me from the equation, or as my mother and teacher Karen Berg said at a recent lecture, "I erase myself."

The second part of the process is illustrated beautifully in a story I heard recently. There once was a woman whose young son was diabetic, and not only was her son a fan of sugar, but he was also a fan of Ghandi. The mother decided to seek out Ghandi’s wisdom. She and her son rode a train for three days to seek the advice of the renowned spiritual leader."

One of the most difficult parts of my work is giving advice to people. I am really honored when someone turns to me for help and support, but in the back of my mind I wonder, "Am I really the one who is supposed to provide the answers in this situation?"
To make sure the answer is yes, I go through the following process.
The first part is explained by Rav Ashlag in his book The Gift of the Bible. He says that when it comes to serious matters, before we speak to someone, we must first ask for heavenly permission. This means asking the Light force of the Creator, "Am I the one who should be the channel for this information?"
In a spiritual sense, when a person is in front of me with a question or a problem, it’s as if the Light sent me to speak on its behalf. If I talk from my logical mind, I won’t be able to help the person to truly transform. As the saying goes, words from the heart penetrate the heart.
By my willingness to admit that I am just a messenger, I am more inclined to get the right message. When I am talking, I make sure to check in with myself -- "Is it me speaking or the Light?" I do my best to remove me from the equation, or as my mother and teacher Karen Berg said at a recent lecture, "I erase myself."
The second part of the process is illustrated beautifully in a story I heard recently. There once was a woman whose young son was diabetic, and not only was her son a fan of sugar, but he was also a fan of Ghandi. The mother decided to seek out Ghandi’s wisdom. She and her son rode a train for three days to seek the advice of the renowned spiritual leader.

When they arrived at his home, they waited on line for hours until they were finally invited to speak with him. Once the mother explained the story, Ghandi replied, "please come back in 30 days." Rather than travel back and forth, the woman and her son found temporary housing, and she took a job as a dishwasher at a local restaurant. After 30 days, they returned to Ghandi, seeking his advice yet again. This time Ghandi stood up, held the boy by his shoulders, and said, "My son, you must stop eating sugar." The mother was enraged. "With all due respect, we traveled a great distance to seek your counsel, and this is all you have to tell us?" To which Ghandi replied, "Madam, I could not ask your son to do something that I myself could not do. Only yesterday was I able to completely cut sugar out of my diet."The lesson is plain to see -- we cannot expect others to do things we aren’t able to do ourselves. An experience I had last week drives this point home. A good friend of mine came to me and asked for advice about a relative who was working for him but not pulling his weight. It was clear to me that he needed to fire his relative, but I knew that if I were in his shoes, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So instead, I helped him come up with a way to confront his relative with love and humor. In the end, they came to the conclusion that the relative would be better suited to work somewhere else. This lesson is also applicable any time we find ourselves looking at others, judging their actions, eager to criticize. It’s a basic level of human dignity and tolerance to put ourselves in the other guy’s shoes, to understand the personal pain driving his or her actions – and if you look hard enough, there’s always pain. "He’s just an insensitive jerk" is never the answer. We need to open our hearts and quiet our minds and pay deeper attention."

When they arrived at his home, they waited on line for hours until they were finally invited to speak with him. Once the mother explained the story, Ghandi replied, "please come back in 30 days." Rather than travel back and forth, the woman and her son found temporary housing, and she took a job as a dishwasher at a local restaurant.
After 30 days, they returned to Ghandi, seeking his advice yet again. This time Ghandi stood up, held the boy by his shoulders, and said, "My son, you must stop eating sugar." The mother was enraged. "With all due respect, we traveled a great distance to seek your counsel, and this is all you have to tell us" To which Ghandi replied, "Madam, I could not ask your son to do something that I myself could not do. Only yesterday was I able to completely cut sugar out of my diet."
The lesson is plain to see -- we cannot expect others to do things we aren’t able to do ourselves.
An experience I had last week drives this point home. A good friend of mine came to me and asked for advice about a relative who was working for him but not pulling his weight. It was clear to me that he needed to fire his relative, but I knew that if I were in his shoes, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So instead, I helped him come up with a way to confront his relative with love and humor. In the end, they came to the conclusion that the relative would be better suited to work somewhere else.
This lesson is also applicable any time we find ourselves looking at others, judging their actions, eager to criticize. It’s a basic level of human dignity and tolerance to put ourselves in the other guy’s shoes, to understand the personal pain driving his or her actions – and if you look hard enough, there’s always pain. "He’s just an insensitive jerk is never the answer." We need to open our hearts and quiet our minds and pay deeper attention.

So this week, as you encounter people who aren’t doing what you expect of them, who aren’t acting the way they should, or if you merit being approached by a friend or family member for advice, make sure you:
check in with the Light to see that you are really the right messenger for this message, and
make sure that if you were in the other person’s shoes, you’d be willing to do the same as what you are advising them to do.

All the Best,
Yehuda

2006-01-15T15:42:00.000-05:00

THE BEST OF BBBJr. - VOLUME II

22 Weeks
154 Days
90 Posts
10,000+ Visitors

I've gathered 10 posts that are either my favorites or the most talked about (translation: I got the most feedback from). Take a minute to reflect via my words on what its like "Being Bobby Brown Jr"

1. Friends, Friends How Many Of Us Have Them - This post is a tribute to my friends.

2. We Believe You Now Mr. President - This post is dedicated to the man we call our President.

3. Being Bigger- Honoring Mr. Keith Boykin - This post is a tribute to one of the people who inspires me.

4. Where Is The Plan: Reflections on The Millions More Movement March - This post was written after I attended the Millions More Movement last year.

5. Terry vs Jonathan: Why I Think He Won & How She Showed Who's Really Crazy - This post was written after Terry McMillian and her ex husband appeared on the Oprah Show.

6. A Deadly Weapon aka My Tongue - This post is pretty self explanatory

7. Another Thunderstorm Lesson - This is a post you have to read to understand the title.

8. Remembering my Friend Leroy Whitfield on World AIDS Day - This post is a tribute to one of my friends who died last year.

9. Meet The Browns - You have to read this post to understand the title.

10. Blogging: The (Not So Good), Bad and Sometimes Very Ugly Aspect of This Thing I Love So Much - Another one you have to read to understand the title.

2006-01-13T00:25:00.000-05:00

Bobby's Weekly Consciousness Tune-Up
This Week: Leading By Example
Week of Jan. 13- Jan. 20th

It is my sincere belief that in order to be an effective leader, you have to lead by example. As a HR Manager, I’ve coached managers on the importance of BEING the employee they expect there associates to be. For example, anybody who’s ever worked for me can attest to the fact that I don’t mind getting my hands dirty whether that means making copies, answering the phone etc. I’ve applied the same principle to the way I live my life. When people trust me enough to ask for advice/coaching about an issue, I make it a point to ONLY offer advice/coaching that I’d be willing to follow in my own life. I’ve found that by doing this, people more often than not receive the message I’m sharing without the distractions/defenses. I needed to say that b/c it will help you understand what I’m about to share.

Ok so my last post was a LOT!! I’m saying that mostly based off the fact that I’ve been bombarded with emails and comments about it. Don’t get me wrong 100% of the feedback has been positive. Most of you agreed with what I said and some of you even shared your experience with dealing with the ugly side of blogging. But after reading the post again, I realized that some of the things I said when referring to the blogger who I had a conflict with were outright mean. What makes me any better/different than him if I stoop to the same level of ignorance that got me upset with him in the first place. I’ve talked a lot on this page about taking responsibility for your part in conflicted relationships which doesn’t mean dismissing what the other person did or trying to rekindle a relationship for ulterior motives. It simply means acknowledging your role in the dissolvement of the relationship without expectations/conditions/attachments.

With that said, I’d like to apologize to Trent Jackson for the negative comments I said about him via this blog page. I acknowledge and take full responsibility for my role in what has turned out to be a silly misunderstanding gone wrong : ) Many of you are probably wondering what the hell im talking about while others are wondering why am I doing this.

At this point, I’m not really interested in revisiting the past so if you haven’t figured out whats going on, then it wasn’t really for you to know. I will share this b/c I want each of you to know how serious I am about leading by example. Yesterday, Trent and I had our very first conversation and I was PLEASANTLY surprised. I’ve always admired him via his page but I realized immediately after speaking with him that underneath the “Trent Jackson- everybody loves to hate” is another person who I know most people would LOVE if they met him. During our conversation, I apologized for my role in our misunderstanding and we got to the core of what happened between us.

In the end, its not about who’s right or wrong. We are both vehicles by which the creator uses to share his messages. With the power that we both have, it is foolish and downright dumb for us not to work together to change the world. Mr. Jackson, I welcome you back into my world. Now let’s do the damn thing!!

2006-01-10T16:32:00.000-05:00

BLOGGING: THE (NOT-SO) GOOD, BAD & SOMETIMES VERY UGLY ASPECT OF THIS THING I LOVE SO MUCH!!

Today was suppose to be the first "Therapy Tuesdays w/Bobby" post but I've decided to push that back one week b/c I need to address/release a few things that have been bugging me for a little while now regarding my experience as a blogger thus far. I feel the strong need to warn a few of you (especially folks who've been involved in some of things I'm addressing) that this is not one of those "warm-fuzzy" posts and many of the things I'm about to say might not feel so good. I'm still not interested in your negative commentary so continue to spew your hate (for me or everybody else as you love to do) on your not so interesting blog. Honestly, I really believe the "true" bloggers will feel my pain b/c we've all had to experience (via comments, emails etc) the ugly side of blogging. I just need to express my feelings about this via my page and move on with my year.

'Blogger Feuds'

First of all, I've NEVER been a follower. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. For as long as I can remember, I've NEVER aspired to be a part of the "popular" or "in" crowds. I've always found it best to be an ORIGINATOR which requires a certain level of creativity & confidence that not everybody has. How does that relate to blogging? I'm glad you asked :) Before I started my blog page, I spent a lot of time looking at other blog pages and trying to figure out how I could make mine different. I didnt want to say the same things other people said and I didnt want my page to look like somebody elses. I also didnt feel the need to "belong" to what I call the 'national association of popular bloggers (NAPB)' which I felt would require me to give up my personal style & freedom to be me.

I remember getting emails from a few members of the (NAPB) warning me about other bloggers. sidebar:Many of you would be very surprised if you knew some of the negative things other bloggers say about you despite the fact that they continue to leave comments on your page and shout u out on theirs. Anyway, I took the feedback but chose to give everybody the benefit of a doubt b/c I believe in creating my own experiences/relationships with people not based on other folks experiences. Unfortunately, damn near everything/person I was warned about has proven to be exactly (or in some cases worse) than I was told.

For example, the blogger who I was warned the MOST to beware/stay away from turned out to be exactly what everybody told me he was. {A drama queen full of self-hate who loves to engage others in his drama and very obvious total disdain for himself} Despite the many warnings, I decided to give this person the benefit of a doubt (even adding him to blogroll) hoping that I could create a new experience/relationship with him and also be the source by which to heal some of the nasty self-inflicted wounds/relationships he's created with so many other bloggers. It didnt take long for him to show his big uncomfortable ass via a post on his page where he "attempted" to say some "not so nice" things about me. (as he's done with many other bloggers) hence my introduction to the ugly side of blogging. You only have to show me who you are ONCE and I believe you. I prepared a special post just for him titled "The Difference Between You and Me" and moved on.

'Anonymous Comments'

Another ugly part about blogging is the infamous 'anonymous commentators' I have a SERIOUS problem with folks who chose to leave anonymous comments (especially negative comments) on my page or any others for that matter. I treat anonymous comments like I treat anonymous phone calls. If you don’t want me to know who you are, I don’t want to know who you are. PERIOD!

‘Ulterior Motives '

The easiest way for me to explain this is to offer an example of what I’m referring to. I was inspired to start blogging by a close friend who happens to be a very attractive guy (according to what many people consider attractive) who also happens to have a very popular page. All of a sudden, he stopped blogging and I couldn’t understand why b/c it was very obvious to me he really liked it. During a conversation with him about why he chose to stop, I found out that one of the major reasons he stopped was because he was bombarded with emails from folks telling him how attractive he (and his friends) is and trying to get with him. This bothered him because he felt like too many people weren’t paying attention to the things he was saying on his page b/c they were so wrapped up in the exterior which was not the intention he had in mind when he started blogging.

I understand exactly what he’s referring to b/c at one point, I would get at least 3-5 emails a week from people wanting to know if I was single etc. Although I am currently involved in a relationship, I didn’t start my page to find a date so I decided (then and now) not to respond to inquiries about my personal life. Please understand that I’m not discouraging people from expressing your like/desire to date fellow bloggers. I’m saying that approach is everything! btw…my blogging inspiration has started blogging again and I’m VERY happy about that!

‘Trying To Engage Other’s In YOUR Hate’

I talked a little bit about this a couple of weeks ago when I addressed the long/short post controversy. Check out this post for reference. I have a problem with people who think everybody should be/think/act like them. For example, people LOVE to talk about what they don’t like on somebody else blog page which is not only overtly inconsiderate but defeats the purpose of blogging. As I’ve said before, we absolutely have to understand and accept the fact that we’re all DIFFERENT! Some people can express themselves with one paragraph while for somebody else it might take six or seven paragraphs. Some of us like to talk about sex while others chose to talk about politics etc. What consistently annoys me is when I visit a page and the first thing I see is either a generalization about all bloggers or a comment about what you DON’T like about somebody else’s page. STOP TRYING TO ENGAGE OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR HATE!!
DO YOU!! DO YOU!! DO YOU!!

And last but certainly not least……

‘Copy Cat Bloggers’

(courtesy of Steven’s Page)

INVASION OF THE BLOG SNATCHERS!!!
BEWARE – BE WARNED!!!!
BE ORIGINAL PLEASE!!!!

Whew! Ok I feel better now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. We can now return to our regularly scheduled program.

2006-01-07T13:56:00.000-05:00

2006: ONE WEEK LATER

It's been one hell of a week for me! First of all, I still can't believe we've officially moved into a new year. As promised, I went to church on New Year's Eve and thanked the creator for allowing me to survive one of the most challenging years of my life. The service was unlike any other service I've been to (and trust me I've been to a BUNCH of different services). It definitely gave me EXACTLY what I needed to start this year with an abundance of gratitude and positive energy. The theme of the night and title of the sermon was "Getting The Real Fix For '06"Basically the minister encouraged us to work on fixing ourselves instead of seeking material, physical and superficial temporary fixes for problems. She was very inspirational and offered some practical ways to approach issues.

One of the powerful things that really affected me in a way that cant be put into words was the part of the service when we were asked to write down all of the negative things we wanted to leave in 2005. The ushers led a very organized processional where everybody walked outside of the church and put the list in a bowl full of fire. I know..I know..it was BEYOND AMAZING!! Things got even better after we burned the list. The ushers passed out blank paper and envelopes and we were instructed to write a letter of affirmation to GOD. In the letter, we wrote declarations of what we wanted the year to look like and thanked GOD for bringing us through 2005! We addressed the letter to ourselves (with our home addresses etc) and gave it back to the ushers. We were told to expect the letter in 6 months via mail. I know..I know..I was completely humbled.

The most unusual yet profoundly impactful part of the service came about 20 minutes before midnight. The minister skillfully led the entire congregation through a meditation exercise that (excuse my language) FUCKED UP MY UNDERSTANDING! I kid u not! I've always thought it was virtually impossible to get a group of 200+ african americans to be still and meditate (especially on New Years Eve) but trust me when I tell you, EVERYBODY was still and at one with the spirit for about 25 minutes. In fact, I damn near missed the countdown because I was so into my solitude. Picture it....as we are all sitting there with soothing meditation music playing in the background...the minister is softly whispering inspirational affirmations to guide us through this special journey...all of a sudden she starts the count down (at a very slow pace while instructing us to breathe in and out)..10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1...Happy New Year...we are officially in 2006!!..It was honestly not like ANYTHING I've ever experienced in my life and I'm thankful and very glad I made the choice to attend.

Ok so we leave the service and I start making my annual New Year's Eve calls. I call my mom first, text a few of my friends and begin to dial my friend Kelvin's (who died last year) number and all of a sudden it hit me. HE'S GONE! I started crying uncontrollably and decided to spend the rest of the night at home. Honestly I dont remember the rest of the night (and the next 2 days are pretty vague as well) I do remember watching some of the Oprah 20th Anniversary DVD package I got for Christmas but I can honestly say that with my ongoing family crisis, the job search and a few personal challenges im currently dealing with, the rest of the week was pretty tough. Despite my breakdown, I'm very happy to report that I made it through and I'm smiling again. I owe a very special thank you to Rodney, Texas Tiger (damn can I just use yo name..lol), Charles X (via his hilarious blog page)and No4real4real who were inspirational sources of strength for me this week.

HOW CUTE IS MY LITTLE MINI-MI?

In the last post where I talked about Dionte (my nephew who i'll officially have custody of in early June) I mistakenly said he was 4 years old. Well folks I was WRONG! He'll actually be 6 years old on the 28th of January. My sister (his mom) reminded me (in her own not so nice way) that I was in the delivery room when he was born and should be ashamed of myself for not knowing his correct age. {maybe i just didnt want to admit that i'm getting old as hell...damn charge it to my head and not my heart} anyway...yea I'm SOOOO excited about having this new little person as a permanent part of my life. This experience will definitely challenge and enhance my life in more ways than I can think of right now. But its all good! I'm ready..

Speaking of being ready, please join me (if u havent already) in wishing my friend/fellow blogger No4real4real a very HAPPY 25th Birthday. Make sure you stop by his page and leave him a great b-day comment. I hope you enjoy your day! Keep being the wonderful ray of sunshine I'm honored to call my friend! Sorry I couldnt make it to last night festivities but I was there in spirit and I sent my love via well u know who :)

While we're on the subject of friends, if you didnt get a chance to see my friend Terry(sorry T, I just cant type the alias more than once..lol) on Bet's "2005: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly", you missed a TREAT! Terry was his usual brillant, witty and most of all HILARIOUS self! He sent a few ZINGERS that'll definitely leave a few stars including Mary J Blige, P-Diddy and Whitney & that other Bobby with scars that will definitely require stitches. Congrats Terry on a job well done! Last night, he hosted a special viewing of the show at his lovely and very shee-shee-poo apartment in NYC and I'm told it was an EXCEPTIONALLY SUZY AFFAIR!! Kudos to you Terry!..Keep shining boy!

Lastly, I wanted to share some of the things I'm working on as it relates to this page. Hopefully, you had a chance to check out the first "Bobby's Weekly Consciousness Tune-up" of the year. If you haven't, make sure you check it out, its definitely worth the read. Also, many of you already know that I was a guest on the Oprah show in Sept.'02. Under the 'Best of BBBJr' column, I've added a link where u can see me in the preview for the show I was a part of. I'm also extremely humbled yet very happy to report that we've passed the 10,000 visitors mark which means a Best of BBBJr - Volume II is coming very soon. I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to show me love! I still havent forgotten about the downlow post I promised a couple of months ago. Look out for it before the end of the month along with a few other surprises :) Finally, beginning this Tues. (and EVERY OTHER TUESDAY) going forward...lookout for Therapy Tuesday's With Bobby. Check out this post for more info. Hope u all had a wonderful New Year's holiday! Enjoy what's left of your weekend and dont forget to stay grateful!!!

2006-01-07T11:24:00.000-05:00

Bobby's Weekly Consciousness Tune-up This Week's Topic: WHO'S ON TOP
For the Week of Jan. 6 - Jan. 12th

I've blogged and posted articles by Martha Beck so regular BBBJr. visitors have already been introduced to the woman who's helped me work through some MAJOR personal challenges via the always powerful yet very practical column she writes each month for O magazine. For the first tune-up of the year, I'm sharing one of my favorites that I know without a shadow of a doubt will be useful for ALL of you. Please take a minute and throughly read what she has to say without defenses, critiques and distractions that might stop you from getting this very important lesson. I promise you it's DEFINITELY worth the read.

WHO'S ON TOP
{courtesy of the August '05 edition of O Magazine & written by Martha Beck}

Who's smarter, prettier, richer? Who's got a better backhand, a flatter stomach, a faster-track job? If you can't stop comparing yourself to others, you've got a case of what Asian philosophers call monkey mind, and, honey, it will only drive you bananas. Martha Beck directs you to a more evolved, happier plane.

Marie is doing Alice's hair when along comes Tanya, a mutual acquaintance. Tanya has the perfect life: great body, well-behaved children, primo social status. Watching her walk by, Alice admires her beauty, then relaxes into the pleasant sensation of Marie's hands arranging her hair. Marie, by contrast, nearly explodes with jealousy and competitiveness. Her teeth and stomach clench as she watches Tanya flaunt her long limbs, thick hair, and—most enviable of all—her hugely swollen, rose-red rump. Tanya, Marie, and Alice are baboons, social primates who share around 95 percent of our DNA and a lot of our psychological traits. Scientists have found that some baboons (like Marie) are extremely competitive, others (like Alice) more mellow, less worried about measuring up.

The more rank-conscious baboons suffer higher blood pressure—a stress-related condition we associate with driven, competitive humans. No wonder some Asian philosophies refer to rank-obsessed human thinking as "monkey mind" and "comparing mind"—what I call "crazy mind." Constantly measuring ourselves against others sours and shortens our lives, robbing us of the very things we think it will bring: prosperity, love, inner peace, the knowledge that we're good enough. We have advantages baboons do not, though. We can notice when we've stumbled into monkey mind, and we can think our way out.

Why "Comparing Mind" Is Insane

Comparing and contrasting is a valuable human skill—and not just during high school English exams. Our ability to rank-order things is invaluable in making choices and setting priorities. But problems arise when comparing mind is the only mode of perception we access. Every gathering, conversation, or friendship becomes a stressful contest: Will I "win" in this situation, or will someone else turn out to be prettier, smarter, richer, thinner…in a word, better? This way of thinking is absurd, because outside the realm of human perception, the concept of better is meaningless.

Here's a challenge for you: Go outside and find the best possible stick. Why aren't you going? Perhaps because the request is ridiculous. What do I mean by "the best possible stick"? For doing what? Digging? Toasting marshmallows? Poking a weasel? A stick that's ideal for one purpose might be useless for another. This makes comparing mind a setup for failure. Even if you can be the world's best at one thing, you'll be the world's worst at something else.

Supermodels make pathetic sumo wrestlers. A brilliant orator who speaks only one language sounds like a babbling fool in another. If you spent your life mastering all languages, you might still suck at engineering, croquet, watercolor, etc. Since comparing mind hates being less than best at anything, you lose. Always. The relentless search for victory, security, love, and self-esteem invariably ends in failure, insecurity, enmity, and self-hatred.

Slowly Going Bananas

It seems that no matter where you are on the planet, the competitive madness was bred into your cells and reinforced in countless social interactions. But you can learn to watch for monkey mind to appear, to notice when it starts tainting your life. Like a virus, it generally sneaks up on you unseen; what you'll observe are its symptoms. Here are some telltale diagnostics:

1. You get irritable or depressed when someone else succeeds.
2. You don't feel loved or loving.
3. Meeting a successful person, you feel anxious rather than honored.
4. It seems to you that a victorious end justifies morally dubious means.
5. You actively hope for others to do badly or to fail.
6. You don't know what you like until you know what others think.
7. You're dogged by shame; you never feel good enough.
8. Winning creates a brief happy moment, which quickly gives way to anxiety.
9. Losing devastates you to the point of despair.
10. You criticize everyone and believe everyone is criticizing you.

The Journey to Sanity

Try doing a few simple things your inner baboon would never even consider. Our culture does not teach these strategies, but if you try them you'll find they're as delicious to the soul as comparing is poisonous.

I. Celebrate failure.
Have you ever wanted to hear the story of someone's least embarrassing moment? Of course not. You want to know how people screwed up and lived to tell the tale. Cheerfully fessing up to our failures turns crazy mind off, humility and compassion on. Get together with a couple of friends and see who's experienced the most horrific failure. Tell your stories with gusto. Notice how the very confessions you thought would humiliate you actually boost your confidence.

II. Compliment your rivals.
When you're in comparing mode, the last thing you want to do is praise anyone else. That's just handing over victory, isn't it? Think of someone who intimidates you. Is there anything about this person you genuinely, even if grudgingly, admire? Then say it. Out loud.

III. Play your "top five" hits.
Dan Baker, PhD, author of What Happy People Know, recommends accessing appreciation mind with a practice he calls top fives. (Oprah does something similar in her gratitude journal.) Try it now. Describe, in detail, five of the most beautiful sights you've ever seen. The five most joyful moments of your life. The five kindest things anyone ever did for you…you get my drift. Nice feeling, isn't it?

Related Resources: Get more advice from Martha Beck. She is the author of Leaving the Saints (Crown), The Joy Diet (Crown), Finding Your Own North Star (Three Rivers), and Expecting Adam (Berkley).

2005-12-31T13:47:00.000-05:00

Bobby's Weekly Consiousness Tune-ups of 2005

2005-12-30T06:31:00.000-05:00

WHAT A FUCKING YEAR!!!

Am I the only one who cant wait for 2005 to be over? Yesterday I was talking with one of my mentors and he said this was the deadliest year he can remember since he was born and he damn near 55. I've been thinking a lot about the HUGE number of people we lost this year and my heart has been heavy. Even as I type this I'm in tears because I just realized that I wont be able to do my annual call one of my best friends Kelvin on New Years Eve. (those of you who are new to this page, check out I Just Called To Say I Love You)

I also cant think of a time we lost so many black pioneers in one year. (Rosa Parks, Johnnie Cochran, Luther Vandross, Richard Pryor etc) Its definitely been one hell of a year which is one of the main reasons I've decided to go to church on New Years Eve this year. Now I aint been to nobodys church on NYE in years but I feel like if I make it to see 2006, I owe the creator a very special thank you. This is the first year I can honestly say I really didnt think I would make it through but by the grace of god I've made it this far and I can only trust and pray that he'll allow me to see it. I already know he got some major work for me to do next year and I'm excited and anxious to get started. The job search has been very interesting to say the least bit. I've interviewed every day this week (including today). Overall I can say I havent really been impressed with the companies that are interested in me.

What I'm loving about this whole process is the space I'm in as it relates to potential employers. Since I'm CHOOSING to go back to work, I'm being very selective with the companies I meet with. I know exactly what I want to be doing and how much I want to be making which puts me in an excellent position. With damn near 10 years of quality experience in HR, I'm not the least bit worried about getting a job but Im not interested in just a job. I want a position that'll allow me to make a difference. I've worked in HR long enough to know when I'm being fed bullshit and my tolerance for BS remains at an all time low. I'm thinking I'll probaly have a couple of offers within the next couple of weeks and at that time, I'll make a decision and take it from there.

I wanted to share something that my Grandmother shared with our family during Christmas dinner. She told all of us to make sure we clean up any damaged relationships where we were at fault before the end of the year. She talked about how important it is not to bring unnecessary anger, bitterness and baggage into the New Year and I completely agree. What she said affirmed one of the principles I happen to live my life by. I make it a habit to clean up damaged relationships that are of value to me when/if I'm responsible for the conflict. Be clear and understand that I said relationships that are of VALUE to me. As I've stated in previous posts, every 3-4 months, I do Friendship/Relationship Evaluation Assessments. I look at ALL of my friendships/relationships and examine whether or not there still bringing value to my life and vice-versa. I have NO space for emotionally draining, high maintenance, envious and consistent negative drama folks in my life. I dont waste time trying not to hurt his/her feelings (while neglecting mine) if the relationship is not working. I've found these assessments to be fulfulling and extremely useful. Although sometimes I can admit that it hasnt felt good to end a toxic relationship with somebody who's been a part of my life for any extended period of time but it really does work out better in the long run.

So I'd like to encourage each of you to spend some time honestly thinking about the people you surround yourself with and make an assessment about whether or not you want to carry that relationship into the New Year. Dont worry about hurting somebody's feelings because you dont have control over anybody's feeling but your own. The reality most of us dont like to look at is by staying in a relationship/friendship that doesnt add value to your life, you're hurting the other persons feelings anyway because they dont have you authentically which in most cases they think they do. Consider the possibility that by holding on to a toxic relationship/friendship you are stopping both of you from getting the fulfillment and nourishment of another relationship/friendship that would actually help you. But as I've stated in the disclaimer on this page, its something to consider NOT me trying to tell you how to run your life. Try it on and if it works for you, feel free to use it, if not dont. I'm not affected either way because I'm not commited to being right.

Shifting gears a little..can I just say that I'm LOVING Mary J Blige's new album. I cant stop listening to it. My 3 favorite songs are Take Me As I Am, You Are My Everything and the bonus track that I'm told is not every album called So Lady. She has come a LONG way and I'm not really a fan. I like her but Im a music fanatic and Ive been waiting for her to find a key/pitch and stick with it. I can say honestly say that after listening to this album, it looks like she finally found one and I couldnt be happier.

So this will definitely be my last post of the year but I'd like to wish each of you a very Happy New Year and tell you to get ready for some BIG things coming from BBBJr in 2006! Dont forget to stay grateful and we'll be right back here next week!

2005-12-28T21:27:00.000-05:00

MEET THE BROWNS

If you're a regular BBBJr visitor, you're familiar with how I refer to issues/problems as thunderstorms. In fact, I'm seriously considering writing a book called "After The Storm: A Navigation Guide For Life's Storms" where I would share some of the tools I've learned that have helped me. Anyway, as I said in my last post, my immediate family is in the midst of not one but TWO very serious thunderstorms and while I'm still not ready to share all the details, I have no doubt we will come through this with an even stronger family bond.

I've talked about my family a couple of times since I started blogging. In Who Is Bobby Brown Jr. , I talked a little bit about how I was raised in a very strict religious household (non-demoninational for those of you who've asked). Actually Dizyaboy and I were raised in the same church (which is how we met, our mothers were pregnant together). I also did a post honoring my mother titled "A Mother's Love" where I talked about how amazing my mother is and why she is and will always be the wind beneath my wings. But I'd like to introduce you to the rest of the Brown's so you'll be familiar with them when I talk about them moving forward.

I realized several years ago that you cant choose your family so accepting the one you have regardless to what you think are there inadequecies are important. That doesnt mean you have to accept bullshit and deal with anything the damages your spirit/esteem but understanding that we are all different and respecting the fact you cant make your family look/act the way you want them to act is an essential first step to accepting them. I used to tell people that if you looked up disfunction in the dictionary, my entire family would jump off the page and welcome you. I also thought for a long time that my family was cursed b/c we have been through some stuff that I feel like only people God hated would take a family through. But in spite of it all, god has consistently blessed us and allowed us to prevail.

My parents got married on my dad's 18th birthday. (my mom was 17th) I'm the second of SEVEN children (5 boys and 2 girls). My parents were married for 32 years but have since separated. (about 2 years ago) The fact that my parents were so young when they got married should give you an indication of how disfunction was pretty much inevitable but I wont share all the details of my childhood here. What I will say is that throughout my life, we've survived domestic violence, sexual and emotional abuse, incarcerations, serious illnesses, attempted suicides, visits to psychological institutions and teenage pregnancy. Yep all that! But one thing I've learned through it all is that our family bond is UNBREAKABLE! This is why I know we will make it through what we're going through right now. Please keep us in your prayers and stay tuned for a full report after the storm passes.

Now without further delay.....

THE PARENTS

This is my phenomenal mother Diane Brown

This is my hardworking dad Bobby Brown Sr. (NOT Whitney's Husband)

THE CHILDREN

This picture was taken about 4 years ago which was the last time all 7 of us were together. Pictured from r-l are David (the oldest), me (2nd oldest), Darius (5th), Demarco (3rd), Angela (4th), Martina (6th) and Anthony (the spoiled last child). Here are a few more recent pics.

THE GRANDKIDS

A Few Announcements

2005-12-27T20:02:00.000-05:00

A FEW THINGS...

Yea, Yea I know what I said about being on hiatus but a few things have happened that I absolutely have to blog about. First I need everybody to help me welcome Dizyaboy back to blogland. In case you didnt know, he was the inspiration behind me starting this blog page. (see my first post) Arent we happy to have him back? Not only is his page full of pictures of all of his very attractive friends but he actually has some very interesting things to say so make sure you check him out and show him some love.

Speaking of folks with interesting things to say, I discovered a blog page (via Clay's page) last night that made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes and my stomach hurt. I'm sure I'm probaly the last one to discover it but if you havent checked out Charles X's blog page you are in for a treat. This boy is OFF THE CHAINS!! He is crazy ass hell and after reading his page I feel like we are definitly kindred spirits. He's definitely been added to the blogroll and I look forward to keeping up with him and his crazy antics. And while I'm on the subject of the BBBJr Blogroll, make sure you check out one of my best friends Terry who'll be on BET's "2005: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly" tommorow. The show airs 7:30-8:30pm est. btw show his page some love too.

I need to address something that's been coming up a little to much over the past few weeks on various blogs. This whole discussion around long vs short posts. One of the things that has kept me interested in blogging is the diversity of thought displayed throughout blogland. It helps me appreciate how different we all are. For some people a thought can be expressed in two paragraphs and for others it might take a little longer. The point is I dont think its fair to discourage people from sharing just because you arent interested in reading. Somebody else is and isnt interested in your commentary. I dont remember reading the blog post word limit rule when I started this page but maybe I missed it since I tend to skip over foolishness. Lastly, I'd like to apply the same rules I've stated in my disclaimer to those of you who feel the need to publicly hate on things you dont like about other people's blog pages. Remember you made the CHOICE to visit the page but you can make the DECISION never to return if you dont like what you see. Dont get me wrong I absolutely appreciate the love but I gotta keep it real.

Ok so one of the reasons blogging hasnt been on my radar recently is because I've been dealing with a major family crisis that I'm not ready to talk about yet. Just know that despite the madness, I had the best Christmas I've ever had b/c I got exactly what I wanted which was to be with my family. It was a wonderful feeling to strengthen our family bond and support each other during this very difficult and emotionally draining period. The love of my life was with me and was introduced to my parents and siblings which was an amazing experience. One of the things that has come out of this recent crisis is going to change my life forever. I still havent completely wrapped my brain around it but I'm starting to get excited about it. What is it? I'm adopting one of my nephews. (he's four years old and looks exactly how i did at his age). We're planning for everything to be official by mid-june. In the meantime, I start parenting classes in 2 weeks. I still cant believe I'm about to be somebody's parent but the creator has already assured me that this is exactly what he wants me to do. So stay tuned and keep me in your prayers. btw below are a few pics of my nephew/mini-me Dionte. And b4 yall start, I already know we have the same damn ears...I GOT IT!!

BREAK/HIATUS...something like that

2005-12-23T15:39:00.000-05:00

People,
I know its been a minute but unfortunately blogging has not been on my radar for the past couple of weeks and probaly wont be till early next year. In the meantime, check out the people on my blogroll especially No4real4real, Rodney, Pammie and one of my best friends Terry (who has recently started updating his page with some HILARIOUS POST!) I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and an excellent new year. I promise to come back fully energized and inspired soon!

Happy Founder's Day To The Men of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc.

2005-12-04T16:45:00.001-05:00

Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc.
Founded December 4, 1906
Without a shadow of a doubt I can still honestly say that joining this fraternity is still one of the best decisions I've ever made. Like any family, we've had our up's and down's but at the end of the day, I'm still very proud to be a member of this elite and very powerful organization that includes dynamic men like Martin Luther King Jr. and Thurgood Marshall as members. In honor of my fraternity's 99th birthday, I'd like to share a poem that should give you a better understanding of what an Alpha man is. Last but certainly not least ,to ALL of the distinguished gentlemen who are privileged enough be called Alpha men, Happy Founder's Day!!

There Goes An Alpha Man
By Peter Clarke
There goes a man of high impulse, of princely mien and grace.
There goes a man of humble faith, a credit to his race.
There goes a man of conscious vast, with the will to reach his goal.
There goes a man with lordly rank of heroes stock and soul.
There goes a man of noble cast whom hardship cannot break.
There goes a man in merit clad, whom duty won't forsake.
There goes a man of culture verse, who holds a sportsman's creed.
There goes a man too vigilant to bow to lust or greed.
There goes a man whose life is spent in service, not in scorn.
There goes a man whose majesty shines like a maytime morn.
There goes a man who is a friend to love and duty truth.
There goes a man to help uplift the lives of wholesome youth.
There goes a man with industry and faith at his command.
There goes the best man in or out for he's an Alpha Man!!!

Weekly Consciousness Tune-up - NO EXCUSES

2005-12-02T02:59:00.000-05:00

WEEK OF DEC. 2 - DEC. 9th
When I started my quest to become a distinguished member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc. the first and oldest historically black fraternity who'll celebrate it's 99th anniversary on Sunday 12/4), I remember having a conversation with one of my mentors (who is an Alpha) about what it meant to be an Alpha man and all the things that came with that honor. He was brutally honest with his coaching but I was always attentive and receptive b/c I really wanted to be an Alpha. One of the things he stressed (in fact he must've said it at least 10 times during our discussion) was in his words "ALPHA MEN DON'T OFFER EXCUSES, THEY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY." Although he was referring mostly to the pledge process I was about to embark on, I knew that the statement could be applied to every area of my life. I made a commitment to myself that from that day on, I wouldn't use excuses and I can honestly say it has really worked for me and my life.

As I said in the "5 Powerful Insights That Keep Me Sane" post, people LOVE offering excuses because more often than not, it's easier than taking responsibility for whatever happened and accepting whatever consequences (if any) associated with it. For example, a good friend of mine who I haven't spoken to in over a month called me last night. The first thing she did was attempt to offer a LONG excuse about why she hadnt called. I stopped her mid-sentence and said "You said you were going to call me back, you didnt for whatever reason you're about to tell me but guess what I'm not interested in the reason because the fact is you didnt call me back. You know I love you but I'm not interested in the reason because it doesnt change the fact that you didnt call. I accept your apology now lets move on." Of course there was an awkward pause but she thanked me and we continued our conversation.

The reality whether you choose to accept it or not is EXCUSES DONT CHANGE THE FACT THAT WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED HAS. However, as human beings many of us feel the need to justify why we didnt do what we said we would do because we're afraid of the potential consequences or what somebody might think about us and the list goes on and on. It's much safer to hide behind an excuse especially when its a good one (or so we think) One of powerful lessons I've learned throughout my life that reinforces my lack of tolerance for excuses is that taking responsibility for my actions and accepting whatever consequence (if any) are associated with it is much easier than investing time and energy in creating/offering an excuse.

One of the reasons I believe this has and continues to work well for me is because I make it known to everybody that's a part of my life. In fact, any one of my closest friends, former employers, subordinates, clients etc can probaly tell you about the no excuses conversation. I tend to use every chance I get to share this lesson b/c I know that it can really make a difference in how we live our lives. Each time I've managed employees or lead a project, one of the first things I make a censuses effort to articulate is my lack of tolerance for excuses. I'm always inspired by how each time I share it, somebody gets empowered to take responsibility for his/her actions/life.

Please understand that there is a difference between an EXPLANATION and an EXCUSE. For example, when I had my unexpected emotional breakdown after Katrina and the death of my friend, I missed several appointments with clients/candidates. Most of them were expecting finished resumes, interview coaching sessions etc and to make matters worse, I was in such bad shape emotionally, I didnt answer my phone or reach out to any of them for over a week. Some people would say thats a good excuse but in my opinion its actually an explanation. So how did I handle this? I began each conversation with an apology for not honoring my word or the appointment. Next I reminded each of them about my philosophy regarding excuses. My exact words were "You already know how I feel about excuses but I'd like to offer an explanation for my actions that I hope will help you understand why things happened the way they did. I BRIEFLY explained what happened including only the facts (that means no drama and extra effects to get sympathy) and finally I apologized again.

This Week

Spend some time reflecting on your actions/interactions over the past week paying close attention to how many times you used an excuse instead of taking responsibility and also think about how/if the situation would/could have been different if you had.

Starting today, practice not using excuses. I know what you're thinking...what do you mean take responsibility? How do I do that? The honest answer is each of us are different people with very different communication styles so you'll have to "do it" your way but I'll share my way to give you an example of how it can be done. I view taking responsibility as 'OWNING YOUR SHIT" But I've learned to pay attention to the other persons communication style and adjust mine accordingly. For example, a few years ago I was having one of those mornings where NOTHING was going right and it caused me to be a few minutes late to work. As I walked in, I noticed my manager coming towards my office and I said "I apologize for being late and I'm prepared to deal with whatever consequence associated with it" She stood with her mouth wide open and the dumbest look on her face for about 30 secs. Then she said "well arent you going offer an excuse for your tardiness (mind you i was less than 10 minutes late but who's counting..)" I replied "I wont offer an excuse because it wont change the fact that i was late, i will offer an explanation since you asked. I'm late because I overslept and didnt manage my time well this morning" there was another awkward pause with the same dumb look. After almost a minute of complete silence I said "I need to prepare for an interview I have to do in a few minutes. Did you need anything else?" another awkward pause same dumb look then she said "No that was all. I'm sorry if I seem confused but I guess I didnt expect you to be so honest. Thank you for that" at this point, I was the one with the dumb look (for a few reasons not relevant to this post) but somehow I found the energy to say "No problem" as I walked away. Needless to say, the dynamics of our relationship changed after that. (this was a good thing) In fact, she encouraged me to introduce the concept of no excuses to our team during one of our staff meetings and I can honestly say it empowered us to hold each other accountable and take responsibility for our duties.

If you allow yourself to be completely honest with yourself and others, (without regard for what you think the outcome may be) this wont be as hard as you think. In fact, it should be easy and if you really put your heart into it, you'll realize that you have more free time on your hands (you be surprised how much time we spend dealing with excuses and everything that happens as a result)

So Much To Blog About...So Little Time

2005-11-30T05:37:00.000-05:00

"How you spend your time defines who you are."

— Oprah Winfrey from O, the Oprah Magazine April 2004

Welcome back folks!

Is it just me or does the holidays go by way to fast? I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving. From what I've been reading, it seems like overall most people enjoyed the holiday. This year, I celebrated Thanksgiving with the love of my life and a small group of wonderful people that included a few fellow bloggers. In addition to my friends Rodney and No4real4real, I had the opportunity to meet fellow bloggers Derrick L. Briggs, Steven A. Claiborne, Jason Cooper and Nathan (7) Scott. Thanks to Ski Trip director Maurice Jamal (who btw was an excellent host and hilarious breath of fresh air) we enjoyed a feast of DELICIOUS traditional Thanksgiving food including my favorite dish of the evening - stuffing with crabmeat. The energy was incredible and we talked about everything from thoughts on the upcoming Dreamgirls movie to whether or not Fantasia would have won American Idol had Jennifer Hudson not been eliminated so soon. Words cant express how rewarding & fullfilling it was to spend the holiday with such a diverse group of people. I'm looking very forward to attending Derrick's next book club discussion on December 10th.

While we're on the topic of bloggers getting together, I want to HIGHLY encourage any bloggers who live in the NY Tri-state area to definitely try to stop by the Factory Cafe on Christopher Street TONIGHT for NY Bloggers Network event being hosted by Nathan. Unfortunately I wont be able to make it but trust me when I tell you that meeting fellow bloggers face to face really makes a difference. I appreciate my blog experience even more now that I've put a real face to some of the lives I read about on a daily basis. BTW this event is open to ALL NY BLOGGERS (that means male, female, straight, gay, anonymous/closeted, out, fat, slim, butch, fem, old, young, rich, poor...etc I think u get my point :) It's really all about networking and having a good time... after all, we damn near know all of each others business any damn way...lol..(well those of us who are honestly sharing ourselves)...I'm strongly considering organizing the same type of event for DC/Maryland/VA Bloggers but I gotta find some time...and get through my already never-ending to-do list. One more thing, I know how much folks love taking lots of pictures at events like this and thats fine but please be considerate of people who arent interested in having their identity revealed via your blog. The easiest way to allieviate the potential unnecessary drama associated with this is to simply ASK if the person would mind if you took their picture and respect his/her decision. Yep it's really that simple! Please take good notes as I expect a to read a full report within the next couple of weeks.

Moving on...can I just say that a LOT has happened on TV in the past couple of weeks. Let see...we had the Tyra & Naomi slicefest/reconciliation (which I so desperately want to blog about but I got 20 other things ahead of it including the DL post for the ladies that I still havent finished), Oprah has continued to deliver PHENOMENAL shows in what I believe is her best season to date. She is ON FIRE!!!, America's Top Model is down to the final four after my favorite contestant Bre used her fiesty tongue to demolish Kim in last weeks episode { dramatic reinterpretation... Bre -'Can I get a corner?' & 'God dont like ugly..and you will NOT win this competion!'..fast forward to final judging Tyra - I have ONE photo in my hand...Bree do u want to go home? Bre - No ! Not at all! Tyra- Your not! Bre (doing the ugly cry) - Thank you, Thank you so much} HILARIOUS!! I thought this was going to be my last season watching the show b/c I miss Janice..I only have one word for Twiggy...ZZZZZZZZZZ..You will be happy to know that I emailed Tyra and asked her to consider replacing Snoozefest Twiggy with her new friend Naomi Campbell if they decide to do another season. I came up with the idea after reading about how well Tyra's show is doing..I know, I know, I'm thinking the same thing but you have to respect the fact that she's targeted a specific demographic/market and apparently they've responded very well...anyway she's not going to be able to continue to do both shows with the same quality as her talk show gets bigger so I think she should let Naomi take it to the next level..besides dont u think that would be a GREAT look for Naomi? I certainly do and I was really not a fan of hers until I saw her on Tyra's show. (whew if u didnt see it, u missed something special..lol..ok maybe i'll get around to blogging about it b/c i have to share my favorite line from the show with all the dramatic reinterpretation effects..lol) My 2 favorite sitcoms Girlfriends & Half & Half have been EXCELLENT this season especially the new episodes from the past 2 weeks. Both of the shows deserve a blog post dedicated to why I love them so much but as previously stated...cmon say it with me...I DONT HAVE TIME..LOL!

One of the many reasons I've been so busy is based on myrecent decision to go back to work. I've accomplished a MAJOR goal I set for myself a little over year ago when I started the company and therefore its time to move on. My original goal was to take 1 year off from working full-time to devote all of my time & energy into developing the foundation for my company. Thoughout my career, one of the major lessons I've learned is that being an EFFECTIVE & EFFECIENT HR Professional (especially at the management level) requires a certain level of emotional commitment and attention which makes it very difficult to focus on doing anything else. Driven by the creator, my passion and my commitment to using my life to make a difference, I decided to give up my good government job and stable paycheck..lol..to devote all of my energy into my new baby Brown Knows LLC. Here we are 1 year later and I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that it was the BEST decision I've made in my life thus far. Has it been easy? HELL TO THE NAW!! (reference Who's In Control of The Plan) This year has been the MOST challenging yet fulfilling year of my life but guess what..I'm still breathing and most of all I'm still grateful because in spite of the major life storms and many breakdowns, I AM NOT THE SAME MAN I WAS ON THIS DAY LAST YEAR!! I'm STRONGER and MORE DETERMINED AND FOCUSED THAN I'VE EVER BEEN. I'm constantly reminded of a poem we had to learn while I was pledging Alpha titled 'The Test of A Man' one of the lines of this amazing poem is

'The Test of A Man is the fight that he makes, the grit that he daily shows, the way he stands upon his feet and takes lifes numerous bumps and blows'

That poem has become one of the many tools I use to inspire me when things arent going as well as I think they should be. I'm also inspired by the fact that by sharing the lessons I'm learning while on this journey, I get to honor my commitment/purpose of using my life making a difference in this world. Despite everything thing that happened this year, the GOOD still outweighs the BAD and I dont regret ANYTHING including relocating Katrina and losing one my best friends. I'm still not driven by money b/c almost EVERY DAY, I get a call, voicemail or email from candidates who are working in jobs they LOVE and making money they never thought they could thanks to using my company's services. No money can ever offer that fulfillment! The lightbulb moments that I frequently get to see when I'm delivering one of my workshops to students across the nation is another reason. The amazing ability to work for myself and see the fruits of my labor has also afforded me fulfillment that money couldnt. Now don't get me wrong, I love money and have had the opportunity to make a lot of it throughout my career which I believe attributed to shaping my current view of it anyway...I said all that to say that I'm proud of myself for not giving up. Yea I considered it a few times but the important thing is that I didnt. I'm ready to go back to work. The company is at a place where I dont have to be as heavily involved and more importantly, I have HELP!!..lol..my two business partners who happen to also be 2 of my best friends and fraternity brothers are DYNAMIC, INTELLIGENT & WELL ROUNDED brotha's who I trust with my life. Between the 3 of us and the rest of the team I'm currently putting together all I can say is GET READY! GET READY! GET READY! You have NO idea how excited I am about 2006!! anyway I digress...so I'm going back to work. I have a few interviews this week for Director of HR positions (I know, I know can you see it Bobby Brown Jr, Director of HR..sounds so good) Y'all know how I feel about practicing what you preach and believe me I've been doing it. I developed a personalized plan of action for myself (as I do with each of my clients/candidates) and its working for me. I plan to have at least 3 offers within the next few weeks and be starting in a new position in early Jan. MARK MY WORDS!!

In honor of BK's 1 year anniversary and to celebrate our great success, I've decided to offer another exclusive promotion for my fellow bloggers. Please reference this post for all the detail, guidelines etc...everything is the same except the dates. The promotion begins today and will end @ midnite on Wednesday 12/13. Check out what No4real4real had to say about us and while u at it, check out what a few other candidates have said. Those of you who dont want to start the new year in the same job you're in should definitely check me out. You wont regret it!

I'd like to send a very special welcome shoutout to the newest members of the BBBJr Blog Roll including my very beautiful ex-girlfriend Rhonda (check out her post about all her ex-boyfriends and dont worry we still love each other to death and remain the best of friends so she said nice things about me :) , Kevin R. Briggs, Nathan, Frank, N (as in N Search of Extasy), Quaheem, Paul and last but not least fellow Pisces The Heartbreaker. Make sure you show them some luv!..make yourselves comfortable and dont forget to participate :) speaking of participation, here is your chance...at the request of a few people, ok let me be honest a BUNCH of fellow bloggers and general readers, I've decided to start a new feature I'm calling Therapy Tuesday's with Bobby. Every other Tuesday (starting next week), will be devoted to helping somebody with a problem/challenge etc..{picture Dr. Phil, Dr. Robin with an urban contemporary yet innovative edge} This is the part where I insert the DISCLAIMER for the new folks. Please read the Disclaimer posted on the side panel of this page if you need clarity on my ability to share coaching/advice. If you're interested in participating, please email me at bobbybrownjr@gmail.com and include an abbreviated version of what you need help with. Make sure to include as many relevant facts as possible. At times, I'll be able to simply use the email to help you and other times, I might suggest we have a conversation (via instant messager). If that happens, I'll post excerpts from the convo in my final analysis to ensure other readers have enough information to understand the coaching in case they might be dealing with the same thing. I'm all about sharing knowledge that might be helpful to others. If you have questions or wanna know more email me privately. btw coming Jan. 2006..www.bobbyjbrownjr.com...same blog~different look~next level!! and for those of you waiting on the Down Low post for the ladies, please be patient I'm almost done! I promise..

See I told you...so much to blog about so little time...sorry for the long post but its been over a week...lol..i had to get a lot out!! thats all for now...until next time..stay grateful!!

On The Road Again, BBBJr's Blogroll Guidelines and The Newest DREAMGIRL!

2005-11-17T22:34:00.000-05:00

First I’d like to thank everybody who provided feedback (either via comments or email) on my Terry vs. Jonathan post last week. Can you believe that I had 400+ visitors that day after it posted? I definitely have to the thank Keith & Rod for referencing that post on there pages which I know had a lot to do with the influx of new visitors. I really appreciate the support and I hope you new folks are interested enough to come back often. As I read through the many comments & emails about the post/topic, I noticed that a LOT of women are really frustrated with this “down low” movement which has recently become (in my opinion) another way to blame instead of taking responsibility. Several of the emails I got were from women who didn’t understand how Terry had any responsibility in this situation. After about the 7th or 8th email with the same questions, I was inspired to create a post especially for women that I hope will help them better understand the role they play in not only why this thing some people call “the down low” exist, but also I’d like to offer some practical tools to help them with protecting themselves and taking responsibility for their role in relationships. YES, I’ve read both J.L. King and Keith Boykin’s books regarding the down low (I’ll be offering a brief analysis of both in my post) but I’d like to offer a DIFFERENT piece to this complicated issue that neither of them examined in depth. NO I’m not interested in telling you how to know if your man is on the DL and my in opinion you shouldn’t have to ask that question but that’s all covered in my post so stay tuned. The title of the post is “Dissecting The Down low: A Post For The Ladies (Since You Asked)" I’m still working on it and I hope to have it posted early next week. I’d like to send a very special WELCOME to all the new visitors to this page and encourage them and YOU to come back often.

On The Road Again

Today I’m in the beautiful Grand Geneva Resorts & Spa in Lake Geneva, WI for the National Black Student Union Convention. I’m excited about being here because although part of this trip is definitely BK related, the majority of my time here will be spent relaxing with the love of my life (who’s also here). After the convention, (which will end on Sunday) I’m headed to NYC for a week (I’ll be there for the Thanksgiving Holiday) I’ll do my best to post as often as I can but my schedule is kinda crazy over the next week so I cant make any promises. I’m looking forward to hanging with my boy No4real4real (who’s doing much better) next week. Maybe I’ll get to meet some other NY bloggers while I’m there.
New BBBJr Blog Roll Guidelines
In case you haven’t noticed, my Blog Roll has undergone a few changes. Some names have been removed and others have been added. I really hate when people create rules mostly b/c I tend to be the one who breaks them..lol..anyway I digress..I make it a point to visit each page on my blogroll DAILY. It’s actually quite therapeutic for me and it one of the things I look forward to doing during my quiet time. Unfortunately, some people don’t update their pages often for various reasons all of which are definitely understandable. However, since this is MY page and most of the time, the Blog Entry of The Week comes directly from my blogroll, I’ve decided to create a few guidelines for all current and future distinguished members of the BBBJr Blogroll. My only request/guideline is that blogroll members update his/her page at least once every 2 weeks. (see that’s not hard and most of ya’ll do that anyway..lol) of course there are exceptions based on circumstances and life, but if their aren’t and 3 weeks have passed since your last post, your blogroll spot is eligible and subject to removal/replacement. And don’t worry if you are removed/replaced, I’ll definitely still visit your page and support your efforts I promise! Shoutout to the current members of BBBJr’s blogroll especially Chandra, Rodney, Pammie, Valentino, Divo, Unconquerable Soul, ShawnQT, Holiday, Mashaun, Mr. Franklin and That Girl.

The Newest Dreamgirl
I recently had the chance to see an amazing performance of the musical Dreamgirls for the first time. In fact, I'd planned on creating a post about the show and my thoughts on the upcoming movie (based on the show) starring my baby's mother. After seeing the show, I was anxious to see who would be cast as Effie (the role made famous by Jennifer Holiday) Rumors have been circulating for month about who was being considered and the list included powerhouse vocalists like Kelly Price, Frenchie, Jill Scott & Fantasia. While I like Fantasia's voice and overall style, I did not see her in this role and really hoped the casting crew would do the right thing and select a raw talent for this magnificent role and I'm happy to report that they did in a BIG way.

In case you haven’t heard, JENNIFER HUDSON (former American Idol contestant from Chicago) has been cast as Effie in the new Dreamgirls movie which will also star my baby’s mother. I found out after reading this EXCELLENT announcement/post on BBBJr Blogroll new member Steven’s page. He said everything I would have said regarding Jennifer, the movie etc so I thought it wouldn’t make sense to duplicate what’s already been done (well I might add) Thanx Steven and Welcome.

Ok that’s all folks. Don’t forget to check back tomorrow for Bobby’s Weekly Consciousness Tune-Up. This week’s topic is NO EXCUSES!!

Weekly Consciousness Tune-up: Are You Prepared For Your Untimely Demise?

2005-11-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

WEEK OF NOV - NOV. 17thIf you died today, who would get your personal belongings? {i.e.Would it be your siblings, your parents, your spouse etc} Have you written this down and had it notarized in the presence of witnesses?

Do you have a will that spells out your last wishes? {Regardless to if you have an estate or an apartment and 2 outfits}

Where would you want your service to be held? Have you written this down and had it notarized in the presence of witnesses?

What would you want included in your obituary? Have you written this down and had it notarized in the presence of witnesses?

The death of my friend Leroy a little over a month ago forced me to learn a lesson that I'd been avoiding for quite some time now. I know we all have to die sooner or later but I never really wanted to think about my own death and how I would want things carried out as it relates to my funeral arrangement and assets/personal belongings. Unfortunately, I've witnessed and been a part of more than one situation where a person died suddenly (sometimes a person I was close too) and didnt leave a will or instructions for how they would have wanted things to go.

When this happens, it creates an uncomfortable and sometimes ugly battle between loved ones about who should get what. I've seen times where the person was barely pronounced dead before family members were claiming property/personal belongings from the deceased persons house/apt. I've also witnessed (which I believe is even sadder)instances where the deceased person happens to be gay or estranged from his/her family but without a living will or notarized document, the family took over the arrangements and in some cases excluded close friends of the deceased. I'll never forget the funeral of one of my friends (Kenny) who's was gay but did not have a relationship with his father who was the Bishop of a HUGE Pentecostal church. During the eulogy, the father blatantly said his son did not go to heaven because he lived a sinful life. I immediately stood up and screamed to the top of my lungs "What kind of sick shit is that to say about your own fucking son at his funeral. I'm sure Kenny wont be that excited to meet u in hell cuz u definitely going" At that point my friends restrained me and escorted me out of the church. I'll never forget that.

My point is that although we dont like to think about death (especially our own) but life is too short and we have to be prepared. Proper planning will save your loved ones the additional headache and grief of trying to figure out what you would have wanted.

THIS WEEK

Take an honest assessment of your assets/personal belongings and write down who you'd want to have them if you died.

If you already have a place where you'd like the service to be held (or in some cases not held) include that information in the written document.

Write a rough draft of what you would want/or not want your obituary to include. This item can be a separate document but should be kept with your last wishes document.

If you havent already, invest in a decent life insurance policy. This insurance is not expensive. The important thing is to get enough to cover your funeral/burial expenses.

After you've completed your last wishes document, have in notarized in the presence of at least 2 witnesses and keep a copy of it in a place that can be easily located.

Last but certainly not least, live your life each day as if it's your last day on earth in other words LOVE LIKE YOUVE NEVER BEEN HURT AND DANCE LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING!

Alpha Phi Alpha {Notorious Nu Rho Chapter} Reflections: The 5 Year Anniversary

2005-11-09T15:35:00.000-05:00

GREETINGS

To the brothers of the upper house of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc.

Built on top in 1977

By 18 men inspired by heaven

Who were so cold they made HELL freeze over

And under the light there is non colder than the

NOTORIOUS NU RHO CHAPTER

I've Been Tagged!!!!

2005-11-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged...by Chandra sooooo here ya go

Ten Years Ago (This Month)...

I'd finished high school and was living in Milwaukee, WI working my first real job as a Receptionist for Ernst & Young in the HR Consulting Department. I'd also just started what turned out to be a 4 year relationship with an ex who I'm still close friends with.

Five Years Ago. (This Month)...

I was still in college @ DePaul University and had started my quest to become an Alpha. In fact, October 27th 2000 was the day I was first introduced to what are now my 4 line brothers. We officially went "on- line " in Feb. and crossed April 21st 2001. (yep nine and a half weeks)

One year ago

I was living in New York and had just moved into a beautiful new apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I had just started a new relationship and was falling in love for the first time in a long time. (good times...good times...)

Five yummy things

1. Chicken Wings
2. Banana Pudding
3. Honey Buns
4. Cheese & Sausege Omelettes
5. Swedish Fish

Two Songs I Know By Heart

Dangerously In Love (my baby's momma) and Yesterday - Mary Mary

Six Things I Would Do With A Lot Of Money

1. Invest the majority of it into my company.
2. Buy new houses for both of my parents and retire them.
3. Have a BIG (Star Jone's Like) wedding with the love of my life.
4. Sponsor at least 10 families displaced by Hurricane Katrina.
5. Give each of my 6 siblings money (the same amount of course)
6. Make a HUGE donation to my church in Chicago - Trinity United Church of Christ pastored by Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

Five Places I Want To Escape To

1. Brazil
2. Hawaii
3. Virgin Islands
4. The Bahamas (The Atlantis Resort to be exact)
5. The Arms Of The One Who Love's Me

Two Things I Would Never Wear

1. An Evening Gown..LOL!
2. Payless Shoes

Five Favorite TV Shows

1. The Oprah Show
2. Girlfriends
3. Boston Legal
4. America's Next Top Model (although this will probaly be my last season cuz im yawning)
5. Bill Maher's Show on HBO

Five Things I Enjoy Doing

1. Having Hot Sex
2. Blogging
3. HR Stuff (ie recruiting, training, employee relations etc)
4. Spending time with my friends
5. Reading

Five Favorite Toys

Really? Ummm I'm a little old to be playing with toys so I'm gonna pass on this one.

Five People To Tag

Rodney, No4real4real, Pammie, Mashaun & David

Gratitude, It's Yo Birthday! and a Few Random Thoughts

2005-11-07T13:03:00.000-05:00

GRATITUDEHappy Monday!
I know some of you are like, "Oh Hell No..what is he talking about. It's the beginning of the week and that aint never pretty" If you read my first Weekly Consciousness Tune-up (Be Grateful), then you already understand how important finding at least ONE thing to be grateful for every day and saying it OUT LOUD really makes a difference. I've heard people say its hard to find one thing when your life is a mess and my response regardless to whats going on is always 'Yes things in your life might not be exactly the way you want them to be but the fact that you are alive is reason enough to be grateful b/c somebody didnt wake up this morning.' Consider the fact that you are able to read these words another thing to be grateful for b/c their are MANY people who cant read. My point is that we all have issues and life can be complicated sometimes but we have to learn how to spend more time being grateful for the things that are right in our lives rather than wasting time complaining about what's not working. I encourage each of you to practice not complaining this week. Stop complaining about the job you hate and start working on a plan to get the job you want. Stop complaining about the relationship that makes you miserable and start working on a plan to move on. I could go on and on but I wont :) And dont get it twisted my life aint NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT! I have problems like everybody else but I choose not to focus on whats going wrong b/c I've learned that it doesnt help make it right. Since I always make it a habit of practicing what I preach, here are '06 things I'm grateful today.

1. I'm grateful for my health and strength.
2. I'm grateful for the assurance that I'm loved without conditions.
3. I'm grateful to have every member of my immediate family alive and well.
4. I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to work for myself and change lives at the same time.
5. I'm grateful to have wonderful friends who inspire me to be bigger.

IT'S YO BIRTHDAY
Speaking of wonderful friends, today is my best friend, frat brother, business partner, ace boon coon DAVID's 25th birthday. So I need each of you to do me a HUGE favor that I know will make his day. Check out his page and leave a comment with a happy birthday wish. Consider it your good deed for the day and know that good deeds never go unnoticed :) btw I just found out today is also Valentino's 25 birthday. Valentino is a regular visitor to BBBJr and a member of our Blog Roll. So make sure u swing by his page and wish him a Happy B-day. David & Valentino, I hope you both have a wonderful birthday and get everything you've wished for :)

A FEW RANDOM THOUGHT'S

Have you ever noticed that being in love has this wonderful way of making everything else ok? No things in my world aren't perfect but I can honestly say that I'm happier than I've been in a mighty long time. The anniversary weekend was magical! I'm still smiling especially since we continued the celebration this weekend. The song that's bumping in my head that explains how i'm feeling is Lauren Hill's "Nothing Even Matters" and i'll leave it there b/c i'm considerate enough to understand that you might not be in love but really want it and hearing the details about me being in love might not be helpful or useful for you (although I'd like to think so :)

Yesterday, I went to the movies and saw PRIME with Meryl Streep and Uma Thurman yesterday. WONDERFUL FILM!! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!! Speaking of movies, I cant wait to see Reese Witherspoon in the new Johnny Cash movie. She's quickly becoming one of my favorite actresses. I've always been a fan but after her recent appearance on Oprah, I fell in love with her. She's so country and what I call "diabetes shot sweet" and she's smart as hell.

Why am I in LOVE with Dr. Robin Smith from the Oprah show. Clearly I'm not the only one since she has been the ONLY therapist on the show this season. I love the fact that she's so versatle in her approach to dealing with issues. From habitual liars to sexual abuse victims, her advice is always very practical yet affirming. I kinda see her as the black female Dr. Phil with a lot more compassion and genuine concern for the well being of her clients. I'm just hoping she doesnt try to follow in Dr. Phil's footsteps with the whole talk show thing. In my opinion, her style/approach is not compatiable with the standard talk show format. She's so effective being the expert and offering coaching from the sidelines. She's already helped me work through some issues with the coaching she's given to various guests. Besides didn't we learned from Iyanla Vanzant's talk show effort that it doesnt work. Regardless of what she chooses to do, I'll support her cuz I happen to think she's the BOMB! Here's a sample of what she had to share after a Oprah show on pathelogical liars.

Speaking of Oprah, why am I'm slightly annoyed with the fact that this week, Terry McMillian will be confronting her ex-husband on the show. If you dont know about why they're divorcing, google them both. They dont get the pleasure of my page as a vehicle to showcase ignorance and unnecessary drama. Terry is such a damn drama queen and I'm really curious to how Oprah handles this. You know I'll be watching closely and report back to you before the end of the week.

I've been working on a few upcoming posts that I want you to look out for. I'll post them as I finish them. They are:

You Can't Choose Your Family: Forgiveness For Freedom
Alpha Phi Alpha (Notorious Nu Rho Chapter) Reflections: The 5 Year Anniversary
Cleaning Out My Closet: Friendship Value Assessments

That's all for now folks...don't forget to make it a great day.

Interesting Food For Thought - Volume II

2005-11-05T23:05:00.000-05:00

Another powerful and very deep article courtesy of Martha Beck from O Magazine's Sept. 2004 edition.

ALWAYS APOLOGIZE, ALWAYS EXPLAIN - By Martha Beck
I was a mere child when the classic tear gusher Love Story hit theaters in 1970, but I wept along with the adult audience as the dying Ali MacGraw told the darling Ryan O'Neal, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Two years later, I saw another movie, What's Up, Doc?, in which Barbra Streisand's character repeated the very same line to the very same actor. This time, however, O'Neal had an answer. "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard," he said. For me, that was a light bulb moment. I'd been swept along by the romance of Love Story, but even as I'd watched it, I'd felt an uncomfortable tickle in my brain. Young as I was (practically fetal, I swear), something was telling me that real lovers say they're sorry quite often. Sincerely. Fervently, even. This is not because dismal feelings like shame and regret are necessary components of a relationship, but because without apology no relationship would be free of them. Everyone does things that bother or hurt others; a bit of inconvenient procrastination will do it, or a grumpy comment made in a stressful moment. When we lack the ability to say we're sorry, minor offenses eventually accumulate enough weight to sink any relationship. But the simple act of apologizing can reestablish goodwill even when our sins are much, much graver. Of course, it must be done right. A lame, badly constructed apology can do more damage than the original offense. Fortunately, the art of effective apology is simple, and mastering it can mean a lifetime of solid, resilient relationships.

When to Apologize
I've heard many clients discuss and anticipate the "perfect moment" for an apology, claiming that premature contrition would just be too darn hard on the person they've wronged. Here's what I think: The perfect moment to apologize is the moment you realize you've done something wrong. This seems obvious when we're contemplating somebody else's sins, but in the harsh light of our own guilt, we often try to protect ourselves from shame or censure by waiting for the heat to blow over. We may try to postpone apologizing or avoid it altogether by lying, blaming others, making excuses or justifying our actions. The impulse to go into such a stall is a big ol' signal. When you really don't want to say you're sorry, it's almost certainly time to do so. On the other hand, you may be one of those people who apologize when they haven't done anything wrong. This is as false as failing to say you're sorry when circumstances warrant it. If you frequently apologize, it's time to stop. This kind of pseudo-apology may ease awkward conversations, but it's a form of crying wolf—it distracts attention from real issues and weakens meaningful apologies when the time for them arrives.

How to ApologizeApologizing is rarely comfortable or easy, so if you're going to do it at all, make it count. Aaron Lazare, MD, a psychiatrist and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has spent years studying acts of contrition in every context, from interpersonal to international. He has found that, to be effective, most apologies need to contain the following elements:

1. Full acknowledgment of the offense. Start by describing exactly what you did wrong, without avoiding the worst truths. Once the facts are out, acknowledge that your behavior violated a moral code. It doesn't matter whether you and the person you've hurt shares the same ethics: If you've broken your own rules, you're in the wrong. Accept responsibility.

2. An explanation. A truthful explanation is your best shot at rebuilding a strong, peaceful relationship. The core-deep explanation for your behavior is your key to changing for the better. Explanations help you and your victim understand why you misbehaved and assure both of you that the offense won't recur. Excuses merely deflect responsibility. Leave them out of your apology.

3. Genuine expression of remorse. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the comment "I'm sorry you feel that way" knows the difference between sincere regret and an attempt to avoid responsibility for bad behavior. Few things are less likely to evoke forgiveness than apology without remorse.

4. Reparations for damage. An apology includes real repair work: not just saying "I'm sorry." Often there will be nothing tangible to repair; hearts and relationships are broken more often than physical objects. In such cases, your efforts should focus on restoring the other person's dignity. The question "What else do you want me to do?" can start this process. If you ask it sincerely, really listen to the answer and act on the other party's suggestions, you'll be honoring their feelings, perspective and experience. The knowledge that one is heard and valued has incredible healing power; it can mend even seemingly irreparable wounds.

After Apologizing
When you really apologize, you should feel good about yourself. An effective apology is, as Lazare puts it, "an act of honesty, an act of humility, an act of commitment, an act of generosity, and an act of courage." But there's no guarantee that the other person involved will share your warm fuzzies. The final gallant act of apology is to release your former victim from any expectation of forgiveness. No matter how noble you have been, he will forgive—or refuse to forgive—on his own terms. That is his right. Anne Lamott refers to forgiveness as "giving up all hope of having had a different past." The same words apply to apologizing. An apology is the end of our struggle with history, the act by which we untangle from our past by accepting what it actually was. From this truthful place we are free to move forward, whether or not we are forgiven. Apologizing doesn't make us perfect, but it shows our commitment to be honest about our imperfections and steadfast in our efforts to do better. It reminds us of what Ali MacGraw's Love Story character died too young to learn: that love means always being willing to say you're sorry.

WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOUR - (dash) ?

2005-11-05T14:37:00.000-05:00

Johnnie Cochran ~ 1937 - 2005

Shirley Horn ~ 1934 - 2005 Ozzie Davis ~ 1917 - 2005

August Wilson ~ 1945 - 2005

Nipsey Russell ~ 1924 - 2005

Rosa Parks ~ 1913 - 2005

LeRoy Whitfield ~ 1969 - 2005

Shirley Chisholm ~ 1924 - 2005

Luther Vandross ~ 1951 - 2005

C. Delores Tucker ~ 1927 - 2005

This year, we've lost a LOT of AMAZING black pioneers who each left legacies that will be treasured, missed and never forgotten. However, I'd like you to pay attention to the fact that for each name listed, there are 2 years separated by a dash (i.e.1906-2005) Each of these phenomenal african americans used their dash to make a signifcant impact in history. It's important to that understand history doesnt have to be printed in a history book or showcased in a museum to be considered history. In fact, I believe that the majority of history is never acknowledged publicly. We make history each time we use our lives to make a difference in this world and making a difference cannot and should not be valued/determined by anything but your intention. For example, what some might consider a simple deed like taking time to acknowledge great service can make a difference in somebody's life which in turn would become a historical moment in their personal history. So I ask you to strongly consider this simple yet profound question that was asked by Laronya Whitfield (the sister of my friend Leroy) at his memorial service.

WHAT WILL YOU DO WITH YOUR DASH?

Powerful Words from Maya Angelou on Katrina!

2005-10-26T18:31:00.000-04:00

Words from Maya Angelou on Katrina

I'm not mad at Barbara Bush. Or Fox News' Bill O'Reilly. Or even at U.S. Rep. Richard Baker (R-La.) I've always said that when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. So, no, I ain't mad at them.

Not at the former first lady for suggesting that Hurricane Katrina evacuees living shoulder to shoulder in the Houston Astrodome were now better off than they were living in poverty in New Orleans.

Not at Fox News' conservative talk-show host, who maintains that the lesson poor children should learn from Katrina is that all they have to do is educate themselves and work hard and they will be able to avoid being left behind on the "metaphorical rooftop."

Not at the Republican from Baton Rouge, who The Wall Street Journal reported was overheard telling lobbyists: "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did."

Despite the public comments, the private ones made in segregated company (by conservatives and liberals) likely have been even more crass and unbelievable.

The hurricane indeed has shed a light. The spin masters in the Bush adminis! tration have done a glowing job over the last several years of pretending that America has achieved a colorblind, class-blind society.

Look around you, they say. Look at Condi and Alberto. Colin and Clarence. All credits to their race. What inequities? What ghettos? What barrios? For some time now, the underclass has been kept off camera, rendered invisible, its voices muted. But now that the hurricane has reminded us that, there are Americans too impoverished to leave their community even when a great storm is hurtling toward them, it's not surprising that many are shocked by it.

Including the compassionate conservatives, who, in scrambling to say something pithy and nice, are speaking off the cuff and unwittingly revealing themselves: "Almost everyone I have talked to says, `We're going to move to Houston,'" the former first lady told National Public Radio's "Marketplace." She was referring to the evacuees in the Astrodome. "What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this, this is working very well for them." I suppose it takes tragedy to shock us, to reveal us.

Until the E2 nightclub disaster here, many well-meaning Chicagoans weren't aware that the city had its share of segregated nightclubs. In Chicago today, there are still places where African- Americans (and not all poor) go so they don't have to dance around the color line.

I guess I'm not mad about the comments from the elite or the unknowing. Wealthy people get to choose whether they want to understand or deal with poverty. Many have chosen to and have been unfailing advocates for the poor.

What's more disappointing are those who come from humble beginnings and who now have the king's ear, but have remained silent. It's as though they've been struck with a form of selective amnesia. They can recall their humble beginnings during election time or a confirmation hearing, but how soon they forget.

They're the ones who should be explaining to the Bill O'Reillys of the world that, yes, education is key and hard work a necessity.

But this also is true: A black or Hispanic PhD who tries to hail a cab late at night will probably be profiled just like any other black person.

Maybe someone could explain to Mrs. Bush that being huddled in a stadium not knowing where other family members are and uncertain about the future does not translate into an experience that's "working out! well for them."

Maybe someone could explain to the Baton Rouge congressman why now isn't the time to be flip about cleaning up public housing and God should be left out of this.

No, I'm not mad at members of the elite. They're merely saying aloud what they've been thinking. It just shows us that "the line" and "the spin" can go only so far before--thank heavens--the spool eventually runs out.

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Decisions, Updates & A Few Random Thoughts..

2005-10-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

POINT PROVEN.....

DECISIONSAfter some serious thought, a bunch of sleepless nights spent considering all my options and most importantly prayer ...I've made a few major decisions concerning my life that I'm ready to share with you.

I've decided to put the book on hold for now. Currently, my company Brown Knows LLC is doing very well and I'm very excited about the direction we are moving in. We're about to do some BIG things and I really want to focus ALL of my energy for the next few months on laying the groundwork and nurturing the foundation for my dream. A few weeks ago, I turned down a pretty lucrative book deal b/c right now I'm not ready or willing to commit to the deadlines (i.e. manuscript) associated with any deal. Don't worry I definitely will still pursue the book thing after Brown Knows LLC is at a place where it won't require as much of my personal time.

I've decided to give my relationship another chance. I know that probaly sounds crazy to some of you who know me very well b/c I've never agreed with going back into romantic relationships that have ended. My famous words are "Whatever reason ya'll broke up is definitely still gonna be there when yall get back together" But one of the things I've learned about real love is that one size doesnt fit all and as long as both parties are commited to making things work and loving without conditions it can. And if it doesnt thats ok too...learn the lesson and move on. I realized especially over the past month, that I'm not ready to give up on us. Now before you start thinking I'm about to get all "warm and fuzzy" and sharing too much of my personal business I want you to be clear that I have the same philosphy about my private life as my baby's mother, I gotta keep something for me :) I just wanted to let yall know that I'm off the market. (not that ive really been on it or anything like that :) anyway i digress.... this weekend is our 1 year anniversary and I'm beyond excited about our plans (that means I wont be blogging from Friday - Monday..hee..hee..). I'm smiling as I type this cuz I'm thinking "Damn it feels good to be in LOVE with the LOVE of my life" I love you baby :)

UPDATES
My mother is out of the hospital and doing MUCH better. I spoke with her last night and she's in good spirits and excited about getting back to school.

No4real4real is still in the hospital but doing a little better. I spoke with him today he still needs your prayers b/c he had a biopsy today. Lets pray that everything comes back ok. His spirits were really good so I know he's gonna make a FULL recovery!

A FEW RANDOM THOUGHTS
Is it just me or has this season of Desperate Housewives sucked?

Why is Bill Maher's show on HBO the best thing on TV (in my opinion of course)?

Why have I given up on both Tyra and Martha's new shows? can we say zzzzzzzzzzzzz for both of them

We all have issues. What a lot of people don't like to admit is that an issue is an issue regardless to how much value you give to it. People like to catagorize issues (i.e. my issues are bigger or less that your issues) but the reality is that when its all said and done an issue is an issue. Would you rather read a blog page where somebody puts most of there energy into sharing everything thats wrong with their life and not enough into what right or the other way around?

That's all for now folks...until next time Stay Grateful!

The Hurricane Season Is In Full Effect & Life Is Still Happening!!

2005-10-25T10:59:00.000-04:00

"Our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves."

— Wilhelm von Humboldt

From O, the Oprah Magazine March 2004

In case you hadnt noticed, the hurricane season is definitely in full effect and I'm not referring to the natural disaster hurricanes (i.e. katrina, rita, etc). I'm talking about the life storm's that have been discussed many times here at BBBJr. I just got another reminder this morning that the storm is still raging on! Those of you who are regular guest to this page should be familiar with NO4REAL4REAL by now. {Refresher-he's the kappa with the fly blog page who's quickly becoming a great friend.} Well I need each of you to say a prayer for him today. He's been hospitalized and is not doing very well. For those of you close to the New Haven area or anybody who'd like to reach out to him, I have the specific hospital/contact info so email me privately for the details. NO4REAL4REAL Keep your head up and know that your steak is on the way!!!

One of the things I learned a while ago was LIFE HAPPENS. I think when people say SHIT HAPPENS they have the same idea but thanks to a woman named Eva Lopez (a former collegue who I admire for her wisdom) I have a better understanding of what these two words mean. She told me that we all make plans and go about our lives without alloting for the fact that LIFE HAPPENS. For example, as I made plans for my week there was no way I could have known that my mother would fall ill and need to be rushed to the emergency room (she's doing much better now but is still in need of your prayers), that I would get very sick (I have thyroid issues that really seem to act up during stressful periods), that i would have to bury another friend (stay tuned for a post about that experience. Rest in Peace Leroy!), that I'd be betrayed and hated on by not 1, not 2 but 3 "friends" which really hurt especially since one of them is a former "regular visitor" & BBBJr. blogroller...hmmm (stay tuned for a post dedicated exclusively to this individual who felt the need to express his unnecessary rage and misdirected anger for me in a post on his page...tsk tsk..clearly he didn't read An Example of What Happens When You Bring A Dull Knife To The Butcher Shop?)...anyway I digress...that we would lose Shirley Horn and Rosa Parks in the same week, that one of my favorite uncles would be rushed into emergency surgery for a collapsed lung yesterday..I think you get where I going with with this..

My point is this...I know that I'm not the only one going through a storm right now. Hell if you pay attention and actually read some of these blogs, its evident that the hurricane season is definitely upon us. One of the things that keeps me smiling even in the midst of the madness is a clear understanding that whats to come is sooooo much better than what's been. I also remain humble because when I think back to a year ago this very day, I'm better than I was back then and thats enough to be grateful for. If you arent in the midst of a storm right now, be grateful but keep in mind that LIFE HAPPENS and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop it but being aware is definitely an added benefit....It's good to be back....

The Difference Between You & Me....

2005-10-25T10:33:00.000-04:00

Note: I only alot a certain amount of energy/space to people who I'm in the process of getting to know. Once they show me who they are, I believe them and make a decision about whether or not they'll remain a part of my life/thoughts/energy (in any capacity). When I choose to remove them from that energy/space, I replace them/that energy with a more meaningful relationship/person. Life is much to short to waste on meaningless and valueless relationships with people who don't deserve your love & energy. This post is dedicated to one of those individuals. I made a CHOICE to visit his page but have since made the DECISION never to return. Consider this post the absolute last ounce of energy/space/time that will be devoted to him and he knows exactly who he is......

The difference between you and me is.....I understand that when posting to my blogpage, I have the option of turning comments on/off. When I'm not interested in commentary on my post, I turn the comments OFF! (kinda like this post..go figure) I also dont feel the need to verbally/publicly attack people who post comments on my page b/c I understand that everyone has an opinion but thats all it is a simple opinion and I can CHOOSE whether or not their opinion works for me/my life or not.

The difference between you and me is ..... I'm very clear that I cant control people's thoughts & feelings and therefore dont live my life concerned about what people might "think" of me. I dont pretend that I dont care what people think of me yet verbally & publicly attack anybody I think "comes for me". I understand that by publicly cursing people out who dont agree with me or who I think are "coming for me" would only confirm to them and the world that "I really do care what people think of me" and acknowledge to them that "YES you got the best of me and I'm very upset!"

The difference between you and me is... I LOVE Bobby Brown Jr. I love everything he is and everything he isnt. I dont pretend to love myself when things are good yet show my obvious self-hate when things arent so good or dont go the way I think they should go.

The difference between you and me is.... I'm not commited to being right. As clearly stated in the disclaimer on this page, I dont profess to know all the answers. I also understand that by being commited to being right, you have to make somebody wrong which takes up way too much unnecessary energy that could be devoted to doing something meaningful. Giving up the need to be right also allows me to easily clean up relationships/friendships (i choose to clean up) because I'm clear that its not about who's right or wrong in the end.

And Finally, the difference between you and me is (although clearly not in physical terms).......I'M BIGGER!!!

I wish you luck with finding authentic peace!

Being Bigger: Honoring Mr. Keith Boykin

2005-10-17T13:09:00.000-04:00

"It's important to acknowledge people and give them their roses while they are alive. Stop waiting for funerals to honor amazing people besides they can't hear you from the casket."
Diane Brown (my mom)

People are quick to complain about bad service, bad shows etc yet not as swift to acknowledge good service, good shows etc. I make it a practice to also acknowledge goodness in people. For example, if I recieve excellent customer service, I also request to speak to a manager to share the feedback. Many of us don't realize the impact of acknowledgement/positive feedback has on others. More often than not, people have told me that my acknowledgement inspired them to not to give up. Today I have to acknowledge an amazing human being who inspires me (through his work and by being exactly who he is) to continue to use my life to make a difference.

Keith Boykin is somebody you need to know about whether you are straight, gay etc. I highly encourage you to visit his page to learn more about him and his amazing accomplishments. In case you havent heard, Keith was supposed to speak at the Millions More Movement on Saturday. Unfortunately due to some unnecessary hate and ignorance which I'm choosing not to acknowledge here, he didn't get to share a message that ABSOLUTELY needed to be heard by the millions of people who attended both in person and via the media. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that his message would have single-handedly been the BEST speech delivered. But guess what HATERS NEVER WIN!

One of the things I've learned from Keith through his amazing work is that the ONLY way to change things and make a difference in the world is to take ACTION! In case you hadnt noticed, I HATE people who consistently point out problems without offering possible solutions or practical methods to address them. Mr. Boykin is a phenomenal example of a leader who can not only identify problems but he always offers possible solutions which is something I aspire to be. What many people (especially black people) fail to understand and accept is that sometimes the solutions dont feel good and might cause you to think differently about things that you thought you knew about life based on your experience. Keith (like all of us) has haters who criticize him because of his sometimes brutal honesty about issues facing black people (gay and straight). What inspires me the most about Keith Boykin is that despite the hate, he remains calm, focused and commited to his commitment to making a difference which in the end is the ONLY thing that really matters.

Please take a few minutes and read the speech that should have been heard at the Millions More Movement this weekend and pass it on to your friends and family. NO it wasnt heard on Saturday but it will be heard/read today, tommorow and the next day which still accomplishes Mr. Boykin's goal of making a difference despite the hate.

Thank you Keith Boykin for being one of the amazing vessels by which millions of people are able to see the authentic grateness of black men (straight and gay) and also for challenging us to be bigger.

Remarks Prepared for Delivery, The Millions More March, Saturday, October 15, 2005
By Keith Boykin

Good Afternoon. Today I am honored to stand here at the Millions More Movement March as a representative of the National Black Justice Coalition, the country’s only national civil rights organization for Black lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgendered people. The National Black Justice Coalition strongly supports the goals of the Millions More Movement for unity and inclusion of our entire community.In February of this year, Minister Farrakhan and I participated in Tavis Smiley’s annual “State of The Black Union” event in Atlanta. During a press conference that day, Minister Farrakhan announced that women and gays would be encouraged to participate in today’s March. “The makeup will be our people, whoever we are,” he said. Then he added, “Male, female, gay, straight, light, dark, rich, poor, ignorant, wise. We are family. We will be coming together to discuss family business.”After the press conference, I spoke to the Minister and I introduced myself. “Minister Farrakhan,” I said, while shaking his hand, “My name is Keith Boykin, and I am a Black gay man. And I want to thank you for your inclusive comments about gays in the Million Man March.” Without missing a beat, Minister Farrakhan responded to me with a long, warm embrace. “Brother, I love you,” he said as we hugged. “We are all part of the family. We are all part of the same community.” That was an historic moment.Ten years ago, I joined more than a million of my brothers on this very location for the Million Man March. At that time, there were no openly gay, lesbian or bisexual speakers at that March. This time, however, I am able to speak here today as an openly gay man because of the courageous leadership of one man – Minister Louis Farrakhan. I publicly and honestly thank him and salute him for the invitation to speak. The diversity of speakers assembled here today is a powerful signal that we in the Black community will not allow ourselves to be divided by differences of opinion, religion, gender, class or sexual orientation ever again.As Minister Farrakhan himself said in August, “we must not allow painful utterances of the past or present, based on sincere belief, or based on our ignorance, or based on our ideology or philosophy to cripple a movement that deserves and needs all of us—and, when I say all, I mean all of us.”Earlier this week, two of my colleagues and I sat with Minister Farrakhan, his wife, his daughter, and his son, and with Rev. Willie Wilson, the executive director of this March. Minister Farrakhan said it was the first time he had ever sat down with a group of openly gay and lesbian African Americans. Let me be honest. It was an intense, passionate and candid meeting where both sides shared their pain and frustration with the other. At the end of the discussion, however, we made progress. We realized that there are no “both sides” of the table. There is only one side, and that is the side of justice.So today I accept the olive branch offered by Minister Farrakhan and Rev. Wilson and offer an olive branch of my own. We acknowledge the hurt and pain that has been caused by both sides in our past conflicts, and we fully commit ourselves to heal the deep wounds that have hurt us. Thank you, Minster Farrakhan and Rev. Wilson for the love.We have disagreed in the past and we may disagree in the future, but we all agree that we must move forward together. We all agree that we will not allow ourselves to be manipulated by the media to create divisions among us. We all agree that we are stronger together than we are apart. And we all agree that the struggle for the liberation of our people is more important than our individual differences of opinion.Fifty years ago, Ralph Ellison wrote, "I am an invisible man. . . I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me. . . . When they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination -- indeed, everything and anything except me." Ralph Ellison was talking about the invisibility of the African American, but the same could be said of Black gays and lesbians.When Dr. King spoke at the 1963 Civil Rights March, he called on one person, Bayard Rustin, a Black gay man, to organize that march. When Duke Ellington performed “Take The ‘A’ Train,” he called on one person, Billy Strayhorn, a Black gay man to serve as his composer. And when Black actors and directors put on performances of “A Raisin In The Sun,” they call on one person, Lorraine Hansberry, a Black bisexual playwright, to serve as their muse.Black culture as we know it today would not exist without the words of James Baldwin, the poetry of Audre Lorde, or the choreography of Alvin Ailey. That is why I am here today – to honor their legacy.But I am also here to honor the living heroes and sheroes of today. My good friend Phill Wilson likes to say that our people cannot love us if they do not know us. So I want you to know who we are. I want you to know the activist Angela Davis, the Pulitzer Prize-winning Author Alice Walker, the Grammy-nominated recording artist Me'Shell Ndege'Ocello, Editor-at-Large and former executive editor for ESSENCE magazine Linda Villarosa, and the former Adviser to New York Mayor David Dinkins, Dr. Marjorie Hilll.And I want you to know the living male heroes. Men like New York City Council Member Phillip Reed, Former Mayor of Cambridge Ken Reeves, Mayor of Palm Springs Ron Oden, Bestselling Author E. Lynn Harris, and Harvard University Chaplain Rev. Peter Gomes.And finally, I want you to know that we are your brothers and sons and fathers. We are your sisters and daughters and mothers. And we are your cousins and nieces and nephews as well. We cannot separate ourselves from the larger Black family because we are an integral part of the Black family. We raise our families, we send money to our nephews, and yes we sing in the choir as well.The issues that affect Black gays and lesbians are issues that affect all Black people. Last year I sat in the living room of a young mother who had lost her child to violence in Newark, New Jersey. Her 15-year-old daughter, Sakia Gunn, was murdered because the killer thought she was gay. When black homosexuals and bisexuals are murdered, black heterosexual family members still have to bury their kin. What happens to Black gays and lesbians directly affects black straight people as well.HIV and AIDS is the leading cause of death for young Black people, gay or straight. Forty-five million Americans do not have health insurance, and too many of this group are Black, gay or straight. Unemployment is still too high among Black people, gay or straight. We are all connected.When Black people were forced to sit in the back of the bus, Black gay people were forced to sit in the back of the bus. When Black people could not vote, Black lesbians could not vote. And when Black people are beaten and abused by the police, Black bisexuals are beaten and abused by the police.We share the same goals and aspirations as the rest of the Black community, but none of us can accomplish those goals without unity and courage. We all need courage in our lives. It took courage for you to come here today. It took courage for Minister Farrakhan to invite me to speak today. And it will take courage to heal the wounds that have divided us for far too long.In the timeless words of Audre Lorde, "When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision – then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." So I say to you today: Be strong, be proud, be courageous.